I recently, found myself at a crossroads in my gaming lifestyle.  For most of my video game career I would have described myself as a "hardcore" player without hesitating.  Over the last 5 years or so, I've come to a point where I no longer think "hardcore" is accurate and... I'm okay with that.  Times have changed and now I find myself looking back on the way I used to play versus the way things are going today.

Let me sum up my path from then to now very quickly:

1988 - NES
1991- SNES
1994 - GB
1996 - N64
1999 - PS (used)
2000 - College (stopped playing games... except Tekken)
2002 - Gamecube (cont'd college)
2005 - PS2
2008 - PS3

So there you go.  It wasn't until 1999 that I had my first taste of Gran Turismo, Metal Gear Solid and Tony Hawk which broke me away from my Nintendo crony-ism.  However, college put a temporary end to playing games, except the occasional Tekken bout.

Even when I wasn't actively playing games, though, I was always informed as to what was going on in the industry.  It was the one hobby that no matter how much I distanced myself from it, I could never fully shake.  From Nintendo Power (1989-2000) to Gamespot (2000-present) and now Giantbomb, even if I was in a period of my life where I was not playing games, I was always watching, always reading.

 In 2002, I threw caution to the wind, bought a Gamecube instead of an Xbox and started voraciously playing again.  I bought new releases the day they came out, burned through them in a weekend and went back for more.  Even through the droughts of not playing, I continued to watch and read coverage of video games.

In 2004, I graduated with a B.A. and went out in the world to find a job, which wasn't available.  Money was tight, so the first things to go were games.  I continued to pay attention to the industry and in 2005, I eventually I got some cashflow and a PS2, having decided to catch up on the old games I had missed before the launch of the PS3 and competitors.

Later that year, I started grad school and the idea of continuing to buy new releases (or even older used games) became laughable.  Money was tighter than ever and I was living on my own in a new town with no friends that played games.  I gave up the idea of being hardcore.  I no longer had the time or the finances to hang with the 1337, and when I really thought about it, I realized I didn't want to anyway.

Without generalizing too much, hardcore players tend to treat video games as commodities.  They collect games as any other collector would seek baseball cards or comic books.  The play most of their games once (sometimes they leave them unopened) and then put them on their shelf like trophies on display.  They don't buy "Greatest Hits" games because they have different color packaging from the rest of their game collection, and they never miss a big new release, even if it's a game with a subject or play style in which they have no interest.

Make no mistake, I am not disparaging hardcore players, I just simply realized that I wasn't cut out to be one and from that moment of epiphany in 2005, to present day it is only now that I have finally figured out what I am after.  I have become something of the wandering soul-searcher of video game consumers.  I'm no longer in search of what's hot, or hyped, I'm looking for games out of which I can derive enjoyment.  A big part of that enjoyment was letting go of my hardcore collectible ownership issues and looking at games more as experiences rather than notches on my bed post.  I strive to be a video game playing zen master, at peace with the games I play, excited about those on the horizon yet completely un-obligated to play anything at all!

I'm not going to espouse the virtues of Gamefly, because really you can insert any similar service and come to the same conclusion.  I have the most basic Gamefly plan, coupled with a free Gametap account and I even use my public library.  I can rent, and borrow games and no longer have to worry about making investments in titles or whether or not I recoup my expense based on my percentage of customer satisfaction.  I don't have to care anymore.  If I try a game and it's crap, I can send it back, delete it, return it to the library and move on.  I don't have to sell it back to Gamestop for pennies on the dollar or worse yet, leave it on my shelf as a testament to my bad decision making skills.

I am able to pursue games that look interesting to me, regardless of review scores.  And best of all, I can sidestep the petty squabbling of purchase justification that comes in the form of fan-boyism.  I am freed from expectation.

If you find yourself getting caught up in the exhaustive lifestyle of being a "hardcore" gamer, take a step back and a deep breath, re-assess and make sure what you're doing is really making you happy.