Were it not for Karnov's Stalin-esque stache of pure manitude, he'd be just another fire-breathing circus freak from Russia. (PROTIP: 95% of NES games star fire-breathing circus freaks from Russia.)

Were Haggar's moustache a pasta, it would be a testosteroni. If it were a movie, it would star Tyler Durden in a Die Hard sequel set on The Rock. His moustache alone has more experience than a lesser mans entire body. It is the One True Moustache. Amen.

An appropriately legendary moustache for a legendary man, Mario's facial hair is an icon all its own. Though originally only five pixels in length, his stache has grown into a curly beast of lady tickling delight.

I always said that the only way you could possibly make Solid Snake any more of a bad ass is if you made him more like Tom Skerritt.

When you're busy making flimsy robots in order to best a child robot in his underoos, you don't have time for personal hygiene. Dr. Wily, however, makes time. And I salute him for that.

The phrase, "to age like fine wine," is thrown around quite often, but with this vintage stache it has never rang more true. It is like the 1787 Chateau d'Yquem laying amongst a six pack of Bud Light. Its quality is unmatched.

Like Samson, Heihachi's strength is deeply rooted in the furry trenches of his nose accent. Truly, this is a power moustache.

When it comes crashing down and it hurts inside, you know that you can look to Hulk Hogan's upper lip for protection.

For real? I want a moustache just like this. I want to drink just like him too. With a boxing glove. Then I'd go buy a six pack of wife beaters from Wal-Mart and just walk around all day looking tough as balls.

It was not impossible for one man to grow such a classy moustache, it was impossible for it to grow on any other.

"Eee-Yay!"