Tylea002

I just wrote a long ass blog about a long ass blog

And it was an Interesting Experiment. I got most replies reminding me how I need to Copy and Paste to a word processor! Thank you guys. But, I did know that. The reason I actually pressed the button was because I knew I fucked up. I knew it was nobody's fault but my own. My reaction to that was to overreact, and just write something rambling, selfish yet honest. I suppose I should have mentioned it yesterday. But I'm not going to do something like that again. My mind is clear, I can write my thoughts in a reasonable matter.  Onto Mass Effect 2!
 

Mass Effect 2 - Part One

This shall be the first in a series of blogs where I write my detailed opinion on Mass Effect 2. Or there shall just be this one, and I will express my opinions through another media (Thanks to End_Boss for lighting a spark of hope inside my...mouth. I don't know where it was lit). Either way, suffice to say, I love Mass Effect, in all the forms I have played it on. No, I have not played Mass Effect Galaxy. I must be one of the lucky ones.
 
However, Today isn't my day to explain why I love it. Nor is it the day to explain how it "gets my goat." (I really, really, have no idea what that means. Radio 4 used it once, I follow suit to appear intelligent.) Today is the day for this. And now, this. If you don't need to be hyperlinked to Kotaku, let me fill you in: Mass Effect 2 has some really small text. They will not try to make the text bigger. This makes me, sad.
 
I am probably in a minority on this website. The TV which I game on is an old TV from at least 1997. It has one SCART lead on the back, which I use to connect consoles up to it. It is a broken machine. It cuts off text on the left, then slightly less on the write. It cuts of text at the top and bottom, and is slightly slanted, so may cut off the instruction at the bottom of the screen that says "B (Back)" but not the one slightly left of "A (Accept)." I need to upgrade. I cannot afford an upgrade, however, so I make do. If anyone tells me to get a Job, I will reply with no. I'm 16 and in School. Saturday Jobs are hard to find. Paper Rounds are laying people off left and right. The likelyhood I will get anything in the summer is low. I could labour this paragraph out into a joke about the Economic depression, oh the War Economy etc. but I won't.
 
Anyway, I am one who has to suffer through the tiny text in Mass Effect 2. I've already completed it, and it did prevent me from reading stuff on my 18 inch screen. Despite it's name, Mass Effect 2 doesn't want me reading some of the codex entries and planet scanning stuff. And I think I got through it. I play with subtitles off. I sit really close to my TV to make sure I can read text in this and any game, however. The days where I could lie on my couch with a controller in hand are long gone. The place where I was effected was on the dialogue trees. Whenever there was a light colour or source of in-game light behind the dialogue "wheel" it turned all text in front of it into an unreadable blur.
 
So. This is what it feels like as a remnant from a bygone era. Someone who is tied to the past whilst the world moves forward. Not nice. I do not like to have to suffer through the technical issue of not being able to afford what is still being portrayed to me as the "optional extra" of HDTV. Another instance of Irony, I suppose. I'm not the most well off person in the world, by far. Private issues have made that certain. However, I did have to go and pick expensive hobbies, didn't I? Heh. (They are Gaming, and Drumming)
 
Wow. I'm getting to the end of the blog and I'm left without closure. Its like writing a joke, labouring it out, and forgetting the punchline. What is my opinion on this? Do I even know? Well, I'm sure I could just get bitter about all those who have more money than I (For example, about two weeks ago, I went round to my friends house. Upon leaving this house, I was asked "Which Gate?") but that won't solve anything. It is like the Original Xbox support. People who are tied to the past, by choice or out of necessity, prevent the industry from moving forward.
 
I guess, sooner or later, I will need to find some way to get a nice, small, 720p monitor/TV. There was this nice Samsung for £240. Which sounds like too much of a price to pay simply to be able to read. I guess this is the world we live in. I love capitalism. Not.
 

In Other News...

• This blog is currently on my clipboard. Just thought I'd say that.
• Did I say earlier that End_Boss was aweso-oh, yes I did. He is pretty awesome. A well placed message can make people awesome, and bring smiles to faces.
• I've lost my DS. I have an old DS, pre-lite, and I cannot get the touch screen to sync right. Another thing that I need to upgrade! Yay.
• What is this? Two (Three, almost) blogs written in less than 24 hours? Maybe I can update regularly!
• Don't hold your breath.
  

It defended Sweep and put in my opinions on what this website needs. I think I'll just say what it needs right now:

An auto save for your blog so that you can't lose it all when the site decides to fuck up!

I am rather fucking pissed off. It said some good things too, about (ironically) how I really want more material produced by talented members of the community to get read and be appreciated. I even THOUGHT I had saved it on my clipboard. Turns out no. Thank you internet. And I lost a 2,000 word essay on Mass Effect 2.
 
I know I shouldn't be genuinely upset by this, but I am. I may even be crying. Who knows? You certainly don't. I am an enigma. That is a lie, you do know. And the fact that I punched a wall and shed a tear that my work will go unread is indicative of how much I care. How much I do want the community to read what I write. A desperate 16 year old's plea to be appreciated in the world. Apparently, he thinks the best way to do that is by writing about video games on the interenet. How wonderfully tragic.
 
So, I may write tomorrow. I may never write again. Who knows, I update so irregularly now that it is hard to find the energy to write something even when it is posted. Though, I can't wait for the comments. Genuinely, I am excited to see how many people do go "YOU SHOULD HAVE SAVED IT, DUMBASS."
 
In fact, here we go. I'll write something now. It won't be as good as the nice, witty blog I wrote on how the community could be a much more coherent place and how it could be inclusive and non intrusive to the editorial content. I think a short few bullet points will do. I think it can be on what has just happened, and why it affects me. It will end up being a mis-spelled, angry, rage fueled piece of writing that shows just what an immature teenager I am. So, without further ado, here is a short blog.
 

Creation

I enjoy to create. I really enjoy it. I enjoy it a lot. And more than that, I enjoy knowing what I have created is good. Whether it is a song I have just written, or a piece of creative writing, I want others to see it. I actively seek affirmation. I seek compliments. I want to know that what I am doing is beneficial. I wish I had my own website, where people would come simply to see what I had made. These wishes are just that. Wishes. I do not have a place where I can record my songs and upload them for criticism and enjoyment. Nor my stories. Nor my blogs. Instead I write a song in some program of some sorts, and show it to this friend I have. Always. Without fail. If he says I've done a good job, I'm happy. I write blogs and upload them here. I shove it into a sea of debates on whether you "totally cant stnad teh javelin glitch" or something.
 
I'm selfish. It is true. I'm selfish, thats all it is. And even though in this blog, I'm taking a self indulgent look at my own situation, I'm sure my feelings do echo many others who write on this site. I write because I want people to be excited to see what I have written. It is a feeling I get every time I see Lies and Sweep have written a new blog: OH AWESOME, MUST READ. It is a strange desire, but I really want to be able to write about what I love, and really have that feel like a worthwhile process.
 
Must stop. Am rambling. I'm just saying that I want you all to love me. And all that'll get me is a sea of insults. That isn't how this world works. If you have stuck with me through this blog so far, then I suppose I can try to find some closure to my rambling, hormone induced, selfish thoughts. Bullet points are needed. I should clear my mind. So, points I have made so far:
 

• A blog is something I have created
• I, as a selfish creature, want what I create to be appreciated
• I, as a communal creature, want this to be in the environment of other works I appreciate. I want this site to be filled with great community content and discussion.

 
That was something I had touched on in the blog I was writing before this. Back to my rambling. I hate to see an hour and a half of work go completely to waste. Especially if I am proud of it.  Especially as I wanted people to see it! And so does everyone, so I know I am over-reacting. I look around the internet and I see talented people. I see them being appreciated for what they do. I become jealous, and want a piece of that pie. I have opinions, and I love to express them in forms that use words. It is why I love the idea of podcasting, and would plead for a guest spot on the old BSHAF. Never got one. Have been offered the right to recurr as a guest on Jensonb's new show. That is by the by though. 
 
I'll finish now. I am truly sorry. This blog is terrible. But I think that is why it needs to be published. This isn't a piece of creation that deserves to be seen, but it shows the effects and the motivations of someone who writes "community blogs" in their spare time. Especially as I'm not presenting them with the spin and the same controlled writing style I would if I was calm right now. This is the pure, unadulterated, selfish, truth. I may not *want* you to see it, but I just wrote it, so I'm gonna press that button and give you something.
 
My life isn't complicated or hard, but there are not many things I get passionate about. The two things are writing songs and writing words. I can't record my songs, but I can share my words.  I am not a martyr for any kind of cause, this blog does not have some higher purpose, and isn't trying to be pretentious or mean. But it is honest, and that honesty only comes at the moment from my rather insensitive and over reactive mood. Hey, flame me if you want, but if you are someone who has read something on this site before, then this may give you insight into how much they might care about creating this content and having it be good. I'm not representative of everyone though, just me, so take what I'm saying with a pinch of salt.
 
I'm not perfect. I love you all. I wish that you love me. I am Endogene.

In Other News...

• Maybe that Endogene line was a little stupid. I should delete it. I wrote the rest of this blog with the attitude of not deleting anything, no matter how bad. Keeping up the honesty.
• I now see the irony in using that after having previously written about issues in how to improve the community of this site.
• I'll try to write some kind of readable impressions of Mass Effect. I love it. Right now I'm obviously in a bad mood. Til a later date, guys!
• Oh look, my internet has now decided to temorarily lose connection. If there is a god, he likes to taunt me. Yay!
• Right, I'm really done.
  

I Have too many games.

Actually, that is kind of a lie, because I don't HAVE too many, I just spend my time with them unwisely. I really need to complete games more, and this list is my reminder that these games exist, and I *will* complete them. You'll all be here with me guys, right? Guys? 

My Backlog

Welcome to my personal reminder that I should really get to finishing Mass Effect. Catchy nickname, don't you think? Anyway, my list. These are games that I own that I have not finished, and do intend to. It doesn't include the games that I own and have barely played, such as my Sports games. I'm still debating as to whether to include Pure. Anyway, without further ado, the games I need to finish but haven't. What this means is these are the games my mind goes: DO THIS, so on some (one) of them, I've already completed it twice.

	1. Saints Row 2 Amazing game. I am loving every second of this awesome adventure. I received it on Christmas day, and have almost finished it already. Hopefully this won't be on the list for long, but I am attempting to savour Saint's Row 2, with the extra activites and Real Estate buying, but other games are calling, so I'll finish this up soon.
	2. Mass Effect OK, this game is different. I finished it, then I did a renegade run, then I started a rushy Hardcore run, and now Mass Effect 2 is approaching on me and I haven't got to Level 60 (I'm 2 off) and don't have a file that has the decisions I originally made carried over. Yes, I'm trying to complete this twice before Mass Effect 2. Yes, I know its futile.
	3. Shadow Complex Bought this on Sale whilst it was 800 points, and I'm not dissapointed. I played it for about an hour, and I managed to get stuck. I'm sure I'll complete this later. Hopefully. I really don't like being stuck in games, its kinda demotivating.
	4. Lost Odyssey I *love* this game. So much. It is a testament to this love that I REFUSE to complete it until I have done more of the sidequests. I've got the DLC bonus dungeon, and yes it is like banging my head against a wall, but my head is enjoying every second being bashed against the wall of Lost Odyssey. I truly love this game, and aren't being quick about finishing, even though I HAVE TWO OTHER JRPGS. AHH.
	5. Lost Planet: Extreme Condition Got this for my Birthday in November, I'm sure I'll play it eventually, its not bad. I've already done the first level, but this isn't a priority as of now.
	6. Banjo-Kazooie: Nuts & Bolts Again, Birthday gift in November, and what a gift it is. I enjoyed the two days I played it on in November, then went back to Modern Warfare 2. I will come back to this eventually. This list will still be here until I do.
	7. Tom Clancy's EndWar Again, birthday gift. I'll never complete this, I know it in my heart. Which is a shame, but inside, I know I don't have it in me to complete an RTS game. Ever. Sadface.
	8. Fable II I love this game, rather a lot. Fable II is FUCKING AMAZING. Go buy it if you haven't. I bought it, I then bought see the future, and I haven't finished that yet. Its the one short thing I have to do, if only I could just put the game back in...
	9. Bully: Scholarship Edition Birthday gift. FROM 2008. I played it once, REALLY enjoyed that, then left it til I had time. I still don't. This saddens me.
	10. Beautiful Katamari Now, this was a christmas gift, and a very enjoyable christmas gift. A *very* enjoyable christmas gift. Too bad it doesn't have an auto-save function. Three hours lost, and I am a very upset annoying little teenager. I'll get back to it, its not that long, but its very good, though losing three hours of Katamari making through my own stupidity, its just frustrating.
	11. BioShock I got this game, I played it, and my original Xbox BROKE. I don't know how far I got, I cannot remember where I am in the game. I was really enjoying it, then everyone spoiled ALL of the twists. What Jackasses I know. I really hate spoilers. I currently am refusing to forgive my dad for spoiling Serenity, which I just watched, but thats by the by. I don't know if I have the motivation to finish this.
	12. Blue Dragon Oh boy. Oh lord. Two JRPGs. TWO! This will end up being the one I don't finish, because inside of me, I know that Star Ocean will be better, and less similar to Lost Odyssey in gameplay. But I like to think that I'll finish it, even if I won't.
	13. Star Ocean: The Last Hope Christmas gift, and I got it twice, from two people. I know have a spare copy of Star Ocean that I really don't need. This is rather annoying. Oh well.

 
Right, that was fun, wasn't it? I think the thing I am most saddened by this list is there are a few games that I've just gone "nope, never doing that" and won't ever complete, that aren't on this list. So, actually, think of this not as a moan, but as a To-Do list. I will report back to this website and show my progress! Heres to it being good!
 

In Other News...

• I don't know if I said this in the main blog, but DUDE SAINTS ROW 2 IS PRETTY SWEET. It is really refreshing to not care about consequences, and have a game that does not care about consequences. I have guns AKIMBO, I have a car that may well be the batmobile, and I'm loving every second. Not realistic at all, but oh so amazing.
• Happy new year, or whatever. New year is the most pointless celebration, just an excuse for people to get drunk and not feel guilty. Then again, I will never drink (part moral reasons and part fussy eater reasons) and so I will never understand why people enjoy it.
• I'm getting a guitar. This will be awesome.
• I should go and have a shower now, considering I'm going into london. I suppose I'll talk later.
  

I would do my Games of the Year...

 ... but you see, I have a problem. I've played all of four games that were released this year. Street Fighter IV, Prototype, Halo 3 ODST and Modern Warfare 2. And I'm still playing stuff from years before. I just got Lost Planet, and its pretty sweet. Working through games is hard, and I've got a big backlog, though insist on replaying Mass Effect twice more before January so I've got level 60 and veteran. I'll never do it.
 
Another thing I've barely done, is blog. I enjoy blogging, I enjoy writing, I enjoy seeing sweep saying what I've written is good. I don't enjoy my reaction to that to be stopping writing any real blogs for months. Anyway, I'm gonna do some kind of Year wrap up in my next couple of blogs, that I'll write after my exams these couple of weeks. Won't be just games, won't be just stuff that was released this year, but hopefully it is interesting and enjoyable to write in some respect.   
 

 

In Other News...

• I have Exams. They are not fun.
  
• Modern Warfare 2 is pretty sweet. I'm shit, unfortunately.
• OmegaPirate is my buddy. Hydrant Guy is a legend.
• I may add more bad in jokes here, but alas revision calls.
• I'm calling it. This blog is done.

Game Buying Plans...

Aside from gifts from others, I'm only personally buying one more game before the end of the year, and I don't even want to play it.
 


Yeah....
 

In Other News...

• I thought I should really blog. I've been bad about blogging the last FIVE MONTHS. But I'm doing coursework, so I only had five minutes to spend on this blog.
• I could write a mini essay going into how I'd rather buy a game I have no intention of sticking in the drive more than once, and how this corresponds to my love of music and my intention to spend all my relieved money this year on a new drum kit or something, but I'm doing coursework.
• I've almost finished ODST. I would have finished it, but I have coursework.
• I make a habit of buying (most) games I want about a year after they come out. They are so much cheaper that way....I look forwards to Borderlands, Marvel Ultimate Alliance 2 and Modern Warfare 2 sometime in 2010.