By A_Cute_Squirtle 6 Comments
- I'm obligated to play at least fifteen to thirty minutes of every game on my original list of games. If I find the game to be completely unplayable or something that just isn't worth the time of the observation, I'll move on after playing that amount of time.
- I'll give a summary of my playing experience with each game, no matter how short or how long I play the game.
- I'm not going to spend too much time talking about the games that I'm actually familiar with, at least not at first. You won't see me busting down the door talking about Super Smash Brothers or anything; let's keep this experience as punishing as possible for me, agreed?
With those rules said, I based my first compilation of games played with on, well, the fact I knew I wouldn't play them for very long. My playing time across these couple of games probably doesn't span past two hours or so, but I'm here to find the games that either enrage or charm me; the games I'm indifferent about are just getting in the way of me throwing my controller down on my laptop keyboard in frustration.
Now, to the games.
This game is unplayable. I had more fun looking at the cartridge--hell, even putting the cartridge into the system--than attempting to fly through the rings. Granted, I was proud of myself actually figuring out how to fly, but it didn't help the poor flying ability or the logic that the world could be saved by flying through said rings. It's unfortunate that I wasn't very aware of this game in its time because I can't know if the game had a significant amount of hype surrounding its release. The game blows, sure, but I can't see it deserving any state of fame as being "one of the worst games ever made." I can't talk though, I gave up before beating the first ring puzzle. It never embedded me with anger or hate for the game, though. The bottom line is that, regardless of this game's reputation, you should never bother giving this game the time of day.
Rating on the Squirtle Scale: Zero Squirtles Out Of Five.
The tragedy of this Endurance Run is that it's a painful example of how the unnecessary capitalizing on trends runs so rampant in entertainment industries. Specifically, I'm speaking of the transition to polygonal graphics and how some characters just don't require the "update" to 3D. I'm a big fan of Bomberman and the series' explosive antics, but Bomberman 64 feels like a terrible transition of the character. Being released a year after the superb transition to polygonal graphics within Super Mario 64, Bomberman 64 feels clunky, looks gaudy, and managed to defeat me with its terrible camera nearly every minute I spent playing it. The camera wouldn't be a gripe of mine if it wasn't for the fact that most levels are viewed from an isometric perspective and any buildings or structures hide useful or necessary items, thus the camera and its poor movement were shielded by the environment on nearly every level I played.
The plot itself throws itself at you in the same way a sex-starved individual would a hooker; within five minutes Bomberman was instructed to save the world from the evils of Altair who has a weapon who is conquering different worlds and you have to jump to each world and everything is so bright and...zzz
So I'll be honest, I had no interest in Sirius, Altair, or the story at all. I come to Bomberman to blow boxes up, gain power-ups, and then proceed to blow others up. While I did enjoy the Bomberman Tournament story quite a bit, the story in this game couldn't catch me one bit.
I will grant the game this compliment: the light hearted soundtrack and the appearance of classic Bomberman power-ups gave the game quite the visual and aural charm. The pleasantries of the synth background noise and power-ups can't save the game from its terrible platforming that involves you jumping on bombs you've placed, or how absolutely uninterested the AI enemies are in you walking around, freely blowing the place to hell. The highlight of my experience with the game definitely came within the snow level where you can trigger an avalanche with a bomb detonation and become victim of your own actions as the wave of white chases you down a narrow pathway. It's a tiny little gimmick that made me momentarily appreciate the game's personality. I then proceeded to play the multiplayer, and after a few games of the CPU whooping me up and down, the novel moment was forgotten within my frustration at the controls and the AI's difficulty on "normal." Oh well, Bomberman 64, you're just not my game.
Rating: Two Squirtles Out Of Five.
Yikes, this post turned out much longer than I expected. I've played through enough of Wave Race 64 to know how I feel about the game, and I'll probably play through some Army Men: Sarge's Heroes. Although I'm open to requests if you're anxious to see how I feel about anything on the list! See you next time!