'Splosion Man (Secretly) Hates You

By Alphazero August 11, 2009 7 Comments

I had a bad experience with Mega Man 9. I loved Mega Man when I was a kid, but in the intervening years I've gone soft. I don't have the free time I once did, and it seems I've become more emotionally vulnerable. When Mega Man 9 told me, in no uncertain terms, that I was an asshat jerkwad sucktard and then repeatedly kicked me in the nuts, well, I took it personally.

Mega Man 9 *hates* me. 'Splosion Man hates me too, but it hid it so well, and was usually so polite about it, that I almost never minded.

It's easier than Mega Man 9, let's make that clear. You 'splode to jump, you 'splode to detonate various 'splosive objects scattered throughout the world, and then, when done, you can 'splode some more. There are similar instant-kill areas as in Mega Man, and they can be frustrating, but -- with two notable exceptions -- they're not as maliciously placed. The biggest way 'Splosion Man hides its hatred for you, however, is the tight checkpointing.

Mega Man had three checkpoints per level, the start, the middle, and right before the boss. It also threw in a limited number of lives just to further grind its heel into your sack. If you die at the mid-boss, you start right over at the beginning, and if you run out  of lives, guess what, back to the beginning for you. Why? Because fuck you, that's why. 

'Splosion Man has many checkpoints per level, infinite lives, and the levels themselves are fairly short. If done right, most can be completed in five minutes or less. There are many tricky parts, but also some sections where once you have the timing and movement down, you can fly through them in a glorious sequence of 'sploding.

The platforming is fun enough, most of the time, but the goofy sense of humor is what really sells it. When detonated, the scientists spew out cuts of beef, and at a few points you pick up a chubby scientist and are treated to one of the funnier songs in modern gaming. The art design is similarly goofy. Mega Man's pixels couldn't disguise its hatred very well, but this game pulls it off.

There are, however, two levels in 'Splosion Man and at least one boss fight that reveal the game's true feelings. They come a bit out of nowhere, ramping up the difficulty tremendously, and then once past, never get that hard again. It's an odd design choice.

While Mega Man 9 was a little bit too hard for my fragile emotions, 'Splosion Man feels just right.

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