At least draw their attention to this thread. Whether they decide to take action or not this is something they should know about.

I'm going to be super bummed if this ended the way I think it ended despite all of the support from fellow forum-goers. Duder, if you're still there, don't do it.

What would you have us say?

Someone message the mods about this thread. I sent a message to Sweep but he's the only one I know.

God, I hope the fact that she hasn't posted lately isn't foretelling...

There are other options. There always are. Sometimes it takes talking to someone to see it. You can live the life you want, or close to it. Everyone can, potentially. Don't just give up. Life's unpredictable.

Duder. i have been there. don't do it. check this out before you do anything.

Also, in the words of Jeff Gerstmann,

You have plenty of time to be dead later, don't rush it.

I've hit rock bottom a few times, and I promise it really does get better... You don't have to do it, please reconsider.

@artemesia:

Hi. I was referenced earlier by @yummylee as a therapist. I think he might have built me up a bit more then I deserve but I would like to try to help if I could. Suicide is a scary thing for me to think of personally because it is such a permanent thing. I can't fully understand how hard this transition must be for you and how sad you must feel but I can appreciate where you're coming from and can understand how hopeless you must feel. But these feelings and where you are currently is only temporary. I can understand that it can feel like this is just how things are going to be and nothing will get better but in your OP you mentioned that it had. You explained that at some point you were unable to let anyone know that you were transgender. Now you can. So before, when you couldn't approach this topic, I can only imagine that you felt even more hopeless then then you do right now. So there has been improvement even if it is hard to see.

I say this because I think where you are currently is temporary and you are attempting to solve that temporary problem with the most permanent of solutions. And I also believe that that solution is giving up and I think that you can be stronger then that. You've shown strength coming to terms with who you are. You've shown strength admitting that to others. I believe you can continue to grow strong and become a happier person through overcoming these current problems you face. If you need to speak with a therapist then I hope you do. I can understand that money is an issue. If you can, try to get medicaid as it can open up doors for medical, mental, and dental health services. Speak with your local DSHS to try to qualify. If not, look on google to see if you can find a clinic that can offer a sliding fee scale. I don't know where you live but I work at a clinic that does this and I think there are few others so it must be something other clinics do in other states.

I would also look to support forums that specifically help individuals who are transgender. Doing a quick google search I found this site. But I imagine you could find even more through google. This site may not be the best place to talk about such issues.

The other thing that I would do is try to contact or at least follow Carolyn Petit. She's an editor on gamespot who is transgender and likely has the thickest skin on the planet. She would be a great person to learn from and talk to about what you are going through.

I wish you the best of luck.

I am in a very similar spot that you are, transgender an all (except my health does not really permit me to work). Life sucks for us, especially those who don't have the means to transition, but you can't let that get you down. You're in a much better spot than I am even.

go talk to one of the numbers that have been listed.

you can't kill yourself either because you are one of my favorite posters too :(

Don't do it.

1-800-784-2433 (1-800-SUICIDE)

1-800-SUICIDA (Spanish)

I simply don't know what to put here. All these suggestions are very good ideas. Volunteer somewhere where your help is needed. But, I think this has already happened. I just don't know what else to think.

I'd like to think that many of us can get along in real life, if we knew each other. I wish I did know you so maybe I could provide some type of help. But, know that we all here at GB Community, hope that you haven't done this. The world is definitely worth living for, E3 and the like, as petty as those things may seem..

I want you to call local crisis line and talk to them.

Next, I want you to go to walk-in clinic or emergency room and tell them how you are feeling.

Life does not have to be this way for you, for anyone. Things can get better with help. I say this because I know. I was in a similar place in life a couple years ago. I have OCD, and Asperger's Syndrome, and Dysthymia as well. I thought nothing would ever improve. That there was no reason to continue my suffering. I was wrong.

Please consider that you may be wrong as well. Please.

hopefully you did go to bed and is all cosy and dreaming of nice things, and not gone through with what you were thinking of doing. i say go and see someone like a help place for people in your situation too get a better understanding off the person you are and how theses people deal with there lives, and the chance to meet new friends like minded as your self. then it might help with the assholes that you work with and your so called friends , because once you are happy with what you are you can just think to your self well fuck you this is who i am and if you don't like it then you can either deal with it or piss off . i can tell you that these people calling you a freak probable have done stuff that does deserves the tag line freak .

as to the girl that has been living and sponging off you. you have done a great thing here but it is time to tell her to find her own place unless she understands what you are going through and helps you through it some days, if not then let her go, you really dont need that kind off stress on top of every thing else.

i have depression and anxiety that steams from my paranoia/ mild schizophrenia and most days i think off turning the light out permanently but if it was not for my family and especiallymy sis who as been a rock for me the past 15 years. the thought off putting them through that pain always stops me going ahead with it . but it is getting harder too not do do it now a days, so i totally can see where you are coming from i like you hate myself and it takes all my will just to go out side most days. so i just say ok today is not going to be the that day i am going to take this day to see what i need to do ,you sound like a genuine good person witch sound like a good trait to have so maybe use that to help you , do some thing like charity work where people will appreciate who and what you do.

here's hoping you have read all these wounderfull comments and taken a step back. the world needs mor poeple like you not less

How do you plan on doing it....?

@artemesia:

I've got my fingers crossed that this is just an elaborate ARG relating to The Phantom Pain.

Hang in there, duder.

Dude you only get one. No matter how shitty it is. There is no after life waiting only this life right now so just make the best of it.

I don't know what else I can say to add onto what people have already said. Don't commit suicide, get help. Watch a string of obnoxiously happy videos on Youtube, or Bob Ross.

Edit:

I don't know how relevant this is but I played it and it seems like it could possibly make you feel better.

You saved a persons life. That's got to count for something in your perception of yourself. It can be difficult to see the good qualities of yourself, I know, but you have to know they exist. Don't do this. It effects more than just you. What about the woman you helped? When she finds out you killed yourself, what will she do? She's suddenly lost the only person who helped her. As hard as it is, and it's the hardest thing, your life is not the only one affected by this. Get professional help. Move back in with your parents. It sounds like you have no support system and you need one now more than ever. Please. I've been there and I know what it feels like. As cliché as it sounds, it really does get better. Don't do it.

Please don't do it. you seem to be a generous and caring person. we need more people like you.

i found this on reddit/r/SW/ just now. take five minutes to read it before you do anything, okay?

I read your post and I must add my voice in saying don't do it. Life is always changing for us as we get older. So stay alive. Seek some help. Things don't happen over night. As for losing friends when you told them about yourself, screw them. A friend told me he was gay and his exact words to me were, "If you don't want to be my friend I'll understand." My heart broke because he must have had so many friends abandon him. But he's my friend and I got his back. You got people on here rooting for you to stay alive. I would consider that a positive thing in your life. It may seem small for you but it's not. Build on that. I want to see more posts in the future from you.

I want to say LOCK this thread, but dammit I also want to give some advice. You seem to want to earn more money and be around people who have things in common with you and your sexuality. There's no reason why you can't do this, I'm sure there are groups set up for people with problems like yours. Or set up your own group, you seem to be able to put words with your problems quite well, so I'd suggest you start vlogging. Youtube is a great way to meet like-minded people and to earn money. Start a channel, talk about your problems there, sure you'll get 1000s of haters, but if you get one person you can relate to that should be great, this is the internet afterall.

Another bit of advice I have for you is to learn a new language. You use different parts of your brain if you speak another language, and this can open up a whole new positive way of thinking. I'd recommend Italian or Spanish as very friendly positive languages. Once you start speaking these you'll realise how awkward a language modern day English is. And finally, to keep the MGS theme going in this thread, always remember...

"You musn't allow yourself to be chained to faith, to be ruled by your genes, humans can choose the type of life they want to live...the importent thing is that you choose LIFE, and then...LIVE!"

Get help. Your whole post sounded like a cry for help.

@artemesia: Don't you want to know if Joakim Mogren is CG or not? Don't you want to know if Bioshock Infinite is the most amazing game ever or if it's just a good game? Don't you want to see the new Xbox announcement? Don't you want to see the next E3? And so on and so forth. Step by step, son! In the meantime, you do what you gotta do so you can in fact experience these great moments that bring you joy. And with time who knows, maybe that "in the meantime" also becomes fun and a source of happiness.

If you're reading this, please post again. I think enough people here would prefer you continued posting, regardless of the original post. Just come on back, talk it out here. I want to talk, dozen other people want to talk, come back and talk.

I'm imagining that if you took the time to post this you're at least going to read the responses for a little, so please do.

Life isn't nearly as predictable as you think, and friends that drop you like that aren't worth being friends with. It's a big world with a lot of people to meet, places to see and there are people that depend on you (whether you know it or not) such as your housemate. Talk to her, none of these are problems that can't be fixed. Sure, you might not turn out to be a doctor but there's nothing stopping you from getting yourself out there and doing something exciting. Or helping people!

If you're not happy about how your life is going, change something about it. You are unique. There are things about you and your life that can never be replicated again in this universe. There are experiences you've had, good or bad, that can never be seen by someone else. Don't waste them, because none of them were meaningless.

Please don't do this, please. Call 911, call a friend or family and tell them that you need help. Once you make this decision, you can never make another one.

Do not kill yourself.

I'm not going to bore with my personal details, even those that match yours, because when it's a personal reaction what matters is the person. Still, do not kill yourself.

Hey. C'mon. You're stronger than you think. Don't kill yourself. There are resources that can help you, some of which are posted in this thread, and people that are willing to listen to you and talk to you and help you work things out. You're still young and you've got a lot of life ahead of you. I think you owe it, not to anybody else, but to yourself to try and get to a brighter spot, however many little steps that takes.

I also want to say that if anybody judges you or stops being your friend because you're transgendered, they should just punched right in the fucking face. You don't deserve that kind of grief from people for that.

Please don't do this.

Just the fact that you took in that girl you mentioned out of her tormented life and gave her shelter means you're a wonderful addition to this world. We need more good-willing, heartwarming people like you.

You're also a great addition to this community. You should stick around and keep sharing and discussing your strange, unique opinions about games (and any other off-topic issues), like we all do, because, as you said, it's fun. You'd be much missed.

Please strick around duder (which, by the way, is a term that applies to any and all genders).

Get some professional help please. We all die eventually so don't die too soon. If you do this you'll be harming a lot of people so please don't do it. If nothing else I'll be sad if you do do it. :(

Please don't, seek professional help.

I really don't know what else to say, only so much sincerity can be carried by a post on the internet.

But I seriously mean it, please don't hurt yourself.

I only have one friend myself, and there is also mold growing in my shower. I can't help in the job department (though I can say that there are a lot of jobs out there, and at the point where you are suicidal no job is below you, painting houses, exterminating bugs, motel night clerk, they all pay), but I can tell you some things that keep me from killing myself: the best being the idea of all the things I have yet to do, all the books I haven't read, all the films I haven't seen, all the games I haven't played, and then to think of everything that will be created in the future and find a hobby and make it an obsession, especially one that involves creating stuff with your hands, I paint, but there is photography, building gundam models, writing, fishing, gardening, endless amounts of things that you can do to occupy your mind and keep it from wandering into suicidal territory.

I hope you don't do this. This blog post is better written than most of the papers I wrote as an undergrad so i know your smarter than you think you are. Your in a rut but don't mistake that for a never ending cycle that will never end. You may need to just talk out your issues with a professional so that you can focus on the positive things instead the negative things.

I would like to throw my hat in the ring and say you shouldn't do this and, like many others in this thread, I am not equipped to help you with your situation beyond mere words. Your post indicates your intelligence and the fact that you've gone on as long as you have shows how strong you are. I can't say that tomorrow will be the sunniest day, but it has the potential to be so long as you keep on living.

There's no shame in falling down, true shame is to not stand up again.

I was about to come up with something smart and cool, but this is all I got.

It's hard to write proper responses to these kind of things online, but the fact of the matter is that you are making too big a deal of something that you want to be different, but can't change. In life, you will have to work with what you have. Enjoy everything you do have instead of regretting that which you don't. Nobody gets the same kind of chances, and the best you can do is use what you have (and that which you can get over time) and enjoy it to the fullest. I know that that a lot sounds easier than it is, but once you understand it and come to peace with it, you too can have a great life.

I've seen people with major issues before, and the ones that have pulled through do have a great life now. Accept who you are, accept the problems this will bring along, and then focus on all the awesome stuff you can still do.

Also, in your final paragraph you say you want to help people. You do realize that you have been helping this girl to have a way better life, right? You already have made the world a better place, and you didn't have to become a doctor for that. Taking your own life will impact her life in an extremely negative way as well.

As has been suggested above: seek help. Samaritans might be a good idea. They could help you get on your way. Perhaps a person at work is qualified to help you with these issues. Or even the psychologist of your old school. There are many specialists in this area, and not all of them will cost you money.

So as I said above: changing your expectations of life is the first step. Focus on the positive aspects, not on the negative ones.

Good luck, have Batman.

Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. The wise, wise words of Bill Copeland comes to mind. "Try to be like the turtle, at ease in your own shell".

Everyone who has ever hesitated from killing themselves have all said the same thing: THANK GOD. It may seem like the right course of actions right now, because you are looking for a way out, and you'll always find what you're looking for. Focus on the negatives and lose sight on the positives. Sure, life is hard. Life is always going to be hard. Hope can take someone a long way. Sometimes hope is all that people have. Hope is the brightness that shines through the night, taking the pain and making way for the light. So take that boulder off your shoulder, because you're going to be okay, you just don't know it yet.

Or, in the wise words of Metal Gear Solid...

I to have a lot of those same problems not the transgender "problem" (if you think of it as a problem).

But I lack most all social skills, and any social skills I do have is just by faking it, learning by analyzing how people interact. Thats why my posts are always so analytical.

I was also sucidal a while a go ( pre Giantbomb ) but never went through it because It would hurt other people, and other people depended on me.

I have no real advice, because you probably don't want to hear people telling you what to do, but you posted before that you were transgendered and I always enjoyed hearing your opinion on sex, even when they just turned to arguing with people.

I dont know where you live, but you might be able to find Job coaches to help you get a job, or help financially I don't know if they consider being transgendered a disability, but you might be able to get help easer and faster using that.

Read the whole thing. All I heard was "I've got an opportunity for a fresh start but I'm going to throw it away because people think I'm weird."

...Don't.

I can't say I know the pain of gender identity issues, but having had the gun to my head (both literally and figuratively) multiple times in the past, I know the pain of rock-bottom depression. I also know that it passes every single time. Do not let the people who judge you for your condition win. You have just as much right to live your life as anybody else, and every day you make it through is a victory against them.

"If I could help one person not be terrified of putting on their shoe in the morning, then I had done made a difference, even if it was small." CHASE THAT. Change a life. You can't change anything if you're dead. Before you do anything, go out and make somebody smile. Capture that feeling and hold on to it. Then go out and do it again, and again. Do it to people who would otherwise judge you. Do it to people who won't judge you. See that the only thing you'd accomplish by committing suicide is removing a source of happiness for many people.

I have a friend who is a transgendered psychologist. I'm sure she'd be more than happy to hear you out and offer support, and I'd be more than happy to introduce you to her.

Edit: To those skeptical: If the post is fake, then somebody gets a little unwarranted ego boost. No biggie. If it's real, you're mocking somebody for reaching out, and that is beyond fucked up.

The way that you write indicates that you are smarter and more intelligent then you give yourself credit. Don't end your life because you feel like your in a rut. There is really no where to go but up for you. And you said that you have a friend who you take care of. If you can't think of any reason to stay alive for your sake, then at least stay alive for her. After some time passes, you'll surely be happy that you stuck around. Don't do this.

when Gotham Giant Bomb is ashes, you have my permission to die