Hello, world! I am here to tell you about things that I have discovered on the internet, either recently or many months ago, that I think other people need to know about because I haven't seen them posted anywhere else. I would like to say before we begin that I am not Scoops, I was not born with the required superpower to find all of the cool things the internet has to offer. But I do like fun! So I will share things with you that I find fun. I am not sure how it will show up when I click the submit button, but all of the paragraph headers are links so click 'em to see cool stuff!

also i am on my work laptop so i cant really search for images without risking blowing this poor thing up from trying to run flash seriously it is from like 2004 it barely does youtube and giantbomb at the same time

Brutal Doom

If I had a giantbomb soundbite to use as a reaction to playing Brutal Doom it would be Ryan from the latest Sleeping Dogs quick look, Year of the Snake. The way he screams YEAH! YEAAAAHH!!! when the game launches the car into the stratosphere is definitely the closest thing to the emotions I have running through my system when I flying kick an imp in half and shotgun a pinkie demon into fourteen different parts in less than two seconds. If you own Doom 1 or Doom 2, or have ever enjoyed Doom, I feel you owe it yourself to give this a whirl because it is so good. If I still haven't sold you on it, there is a dedicated button for making Doomguy shout quotes from the Doom comic.

GO FUCK YOURSELF

That really adorable Doom roguelike that was just released

I am starting to see a pattern here. Don't care. Throw this in your computerbox and put on a big dumb smile. That this exists is such a wonderful thing and reminded me that, while this is a little simplistic, video games are such a great thing.

Warframe

You probably know about Warframe because it had a quick look on this site. It's pretty good. What you might not have known is that it is no longer in closed beta and you(yes, you!) can play it now. For free! oh gosh what a deal

Get in there and start playing with duders! It's free, so you have no real excuse not to if you have an adequate peesee.

Under The Ocean

I'll be honest with you here, I have not actually played this game nor even heard of it until yesterday. It seems kind of obscure, and I am not really a video game hipster. I just thought it looked cool. I am a fan of this new fad for making video games about gathering resources and building cool stuff and this honestly seems like the step in advancing the formula. If this manages to pull of its ideas the way it wants to, I think we will have a game on our hands that we will be talking about for quite some time.

I am not going to make this very long because it isn't something that needs to be. I am not trying to make it a big deal. But I would like to first say that I feel a lot of shame. Some shame for involving other people in it, but a lot of shame and a lot of guilt for even considering what I was doing. It isn't the first time I've tried, but it is the first time I've felt so stupid about it. I apologize for presenting myself as an attention whore. It is not what I wanted, I wasn't thinking straight. I just wanted somebody in the world to hear what I thought were going to be my final, rambling thoughts.

But, I just want to say thank you. You, the person reading this, individually, for making this website one of the best I've ever been a part of, and Giantbomb, as a concept, and as the website. The girl I mentioned before is in California right now visiting her sick father and she saw my post almost the minute it went up. She got all of my housemates together who then stopped me mid act, got my friends to drive up to see me, some several states away, to remind me that the world is much larger than the room that I nearly did something incredibly selfish in, and all I had to do was reach out for help, not regress inward and let those dark feelings overwhelm me. I don't feel happy, and I don't think I will for a while, but it's a positive thing that I'm even still feeling.

So, in a way, Giantbomb saved me. Without a place like this, I would not have told a single soul.

To anybody reading this who might be feeling the same way I did, present or future: Don't be an idiot. They say vodka mixes with anything, but thirty-four prescription strength painkillers was not what they had in mind when they said it. Try orange juice. And just talk to somebody. Even if it's to tell them you're about to do it. Just having somebody else know what you're doing might mean the difference between making a memory and being all out of quarters.

this will probably get deleted how depressing is that

Hello Giantbomb. No, you did not misinterpret that. I am going to kill myself. As soon as I'm done writing this, actually! Maybe. If not, tomorrow evening. Depends on if I get too sleepy by the time I finish this. If I were the type of person who had the drive to do anything properly I would probably not be in this spot. So hopefully by the time these words are absorbed and analyzed by your brain area I will not be a thing anymore. Assuming this all goes well, anyway. If it does not I will probably be back here in a few weeks telling you about my liver damage.

I spent a long time writing out a very long, very mopey, pity party post but I got rid of it. Some of you are rereading this(maybe?) going "i thought you said it wasnt a pity party this time" and oops i goofed. I don't know why I got rid of it. I don't expect sympathy. But I do know that I would like to tell you a few things because I want somebody out there to hear them. Why you, anonymous internet person that goes to the website triple-double-yoo-dot-giantbomb-dot-com?

Because you've been there for me. I found Giantbomb three years ago when I was at one of my lowest points. I was stuck in California with a girl I'd met online and was visiting. I say I was stuck because I went down there for a small convention, and when it was time to come back home to sunny Seattle, Washington, my father would not let me. He told me there was no room for me at the house I had left two weeks before and I was on my own. This led to me being unable to finish high school which is probably a large reason why I am where I am. Thanks dad. He never told me why, but I think it was because I had implied something to him before leaving, and he was worried it was true. It was true, and I've since told him, and we're good friends. But that isn't the point, because we weren't when it happened. I guess we both had a lot of growing up to do. But anyway, you've been there for me, Giantbomb. You've made me smile when I thought I couldn't anymore, given me hours and hours and hours of entertainment, and while you peoples on the forums tend to call me stupid for my opinions like everybody else does, I at least don't feel that you mean it in a harmful way.

So I'll tell it to you straight out instead of tiptoeing around it like I did with el padre. You deserve that much.

I am transgendered. I feel terrible about not telling you sooner, giantbomb dot com, but it isn't the sort of thing that just comes out naturally. It's something I try not to make a big deal out of because it is nothing more than who I am as a human being, but it isn't really something you can bring up casually, it has to be the center of a conversation. You can't just drop it like "I really liked the part in Halo 4 where Cortana had boobs because hey by the way..." It's very scary. I've had to stare into internet eyes and real people eyes both and say it, and neither is easy. I start shaking and my mind goes in so many figure eights expecting them to judge me or tell me we aren't friends anymore or that I'm some sort of freak. I lost a couple friends the other day because I finally decided to tell them. People I'd known for four or five years. If I can't be sure of how people I think I know extremely well are going to react, how can I try to tell strangers? But it's out there now and I am not going to take it back, for better or for worse. It's one of the reasons I am going to do this. I didn't mean to masquerade around as a proper, natural lady. Some of you probably feel lied to. I am very sorry. It was not my intent.

Anyway, meat of the issue. Or something. I feel completely stuck in life. No, stuck is a bad word for it. I feel I've hit the height of my potential. I am not going to make more money than I do now. I make about $1000 USD a month at the comic book/tabletop gaming store I work at. It isn't bad, but the lady I mentioned above lives with me now after I got her out of her abusive parent's house. I have been paying for her rent and entertainment for the past two years and now I simply cannot afford to take care of two people on that budget. Things have become too expensive, and I have the above thing to save up for and I just can't do it. If I set aside every single penny I had free after paying my rent and my bills it would take me nineteen years to save up for all the medicine and surgeries and other bullshit I'd need to make my dream a reality. I cannot even afford to maintain a car. Not that I have one. Not that I can drive.

I've tried applying to many jobs but every single one has turned me away. Some have even called me to go PFFF WHY DID YOU EVEN BOTHER HAHAHA and that just makes the whole thing even harder. I know it is because of my lack of education, and I have tried so hard to study to rectify this, but the unfortunate truth is that I am not very smart and I have a learning disability that makes it very difficult for me to absorb information quickly or efficiently. Sometimes at all. I do not believe I can advance my education, and with that, I cannot advance my ability to make money. I've tried. Several times. I've failed. I was simply not born smart and there's nothing I can do to fight that.

The place I live in looks like a truly horrific episode of Cops. I live with seven other people and not a single one of them is willing to do anything about the state of the house even though they are to blame for it. I work very hard to keep it looking as best I can. I do dishes every day, I've cleaned the bathroom several times this month alone, I sweep, I mop, whatever. But every day, more dishes, more dog shit on the floor because nobody is willing to take care of their animals, more mould growing in the shower because nobody turns the fan on when they are done showering, more empty Little Caesars boxes and beer bottles lying around every corner of every room that isn't mine, more macaroni and cheese that wasn't cleaned up, just sitting in the pot on the stove. I can't keep up with it, and when I ask people to help take care of the house I am met with ridicule that I am not trying hard enough on my own. I'm being taken advantage of and there is nothing I can do about it because this is the only place I can afford.

I have a lot of trouble making friends in real life. I did not have a group of people I could really call "my friends" until I was eighteen years old. I have not made any new ones since then. The ones I have now don't particularly care for me. I can tell they only associate with me because it is convenient for them at times. I let them take advantage of me because without them, I am completely alone aside from my internet acquaintances. Even the regulars at the store I go to only tolerate me. One of them went off on me when I tried to socialize with their group a few weeks ago. Told me that I am weird and a bother and that I have nothing to live for aside from that job. I wish they hadn't been so right.

I don't know. There's so much to say but I am not very good at putting my thoughts into words. I never have been. I guess the best way to summarize it is that there is nowhere for me to go from here. For me, life will never move beyond wake up, play video games, go to work if I have work that day, if not, wait till bed, sleep, repeat. This is the best I can aspire to, that disappoints me and I don't want to stay in this spot anymore.

I had dreamed of being beautiful. I wanted it more than anything. To be able to look at myself in the mirror and not want to crawl out of my fucking skin because I felt like a liar whose fool was the entire world.

I dreamt of being successful. I had an ingrown toenail that had become terribly infected for about five months because I could not afford to get it fixed. I finally got it taken care of in December after being told I may lose the toe if I didn't bite the bullet and shell out the cash to get it done. I had made up my mind then that I wanted to be a doctor so that I could help people, that they would not have to live with injuries like I had. If I could help one person not be terrified of putting on their shoe in the morning, then I had done made a difference, even if it was small.

But I guess I really was just dreaming.

... or how I learned to start bitching and learn to hate peer to peer.

I picked up Warhammer 40,000: Space Marine for my personal computer box last Thursday because I LOVE Warhammer 40k. It's a really good game. It sells the world of Warhammer 40,000 very well, bringing its brutality, ground scope and sheer ridiculousness to life almost perfectly. It is very satisfying to shoot ten orks in their ugly alien faces with a bolter and watch them all explode into gross alien bits. The melee is a bit shallow unfortunately, but it's still satisfying and the game provides a decent challenge throughout. You should check it out if you haven't yet! There's a demo up on all of its platforms. It's very fun!

But don't touch the multiplayer for more than a few hours.

In less than a week my enjoyment of this game has gone from "I really like this game and want to play a lot more of it" to "i hate this fucking game almost as much as i hate modern warfare 2 i wish i had a physical copy so i could destroy the disc and slit my wrists with the jagged shards" and it is not because the game is BAD or not fun to play, but because the networking is fucking awful. As a PC player, I'm used to certain amenities with my online experience, like NOT FUCKING PEER TO PEER INFRASTRUCTURE WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU

I'd never really cared about peer to peer because it's never really been an issue for me. Yeah, I've played on peer to peer networks before, they're not as smooth or stable as a dedicated server, but hey man, I can play, so it's all good. No longer, brave reader. It took a few years, but Space Marine has taught me that a lack of dedicated servers is a death sentence for your game.

With peer to peer networking on the consoles, everything is gravy because you don't have to worry about differences in hardware or software, how many programs are running in the background, just the actual connection. On the PC, however, there are far too many different setups and differences that may not seem like a big deal, but actually are. I'm not getting into detail, but suffice to say, whoever thought a reflex focused, melee heavy game should be peer to peer needs to be kneecapped. I cannot give those people a hard enough "fuck you."

I recorded a video last night of a standard match of Space Marine. Let's watch together!

Yeah, I could have played better. My tendonitis is acting up, it was 2 in the morning, I'm just awful at assault and video games hate me to begin with. But seriously, what the hell, man. A week ago I was going 15-4 or better almost every match, and now I'm lucky if I go 1-9 because I just can't fight back anymore. I get into an engagement and just die because there's no way I can beat the enemy player because they teleport about or shoot where I was and still hit me, even though I've taken cover or have dodged out of the way. Awesome.

And the unfortunate reality is that the developer, Relic, simply does not care. They have our money. They don't care how much fun we have with their game, or that it's a slow, broken mess that needs some serious tweaking and dedicated servers to remain a viable competitive option. And this is becoming fairly standard in the industry. Rather than take the time to make servers an option for their fanbase, they just shovel in some bogus, barely functioning client dependent networking and give us the bird.

I don't ask for much. I just want a smooth experience that, when I lose, I know it's because it's my fault because I messed up. Not because I did everything right but still died because on his screen, I was running face first into a wall so he could just shoot my retarded wall humping space man to death on his screen and it will kill the actual me.

uhhh does this go here
 
I went out Tuesday and purchased three video games that I have been spending my unfortunately abundant amount of free time with. I've had enough time now that I think I'm ready to express my thoughts on them thus far.
 
 

Dead Space 2

LittleBigPlanet 2

Assassin's Creed Brotherhood

I picked up Halo: Reach the other day as your "standard" Halo fan; I think they're fun games, but nothing amazing. Following Reach before its launch there had been many, many sources saying "If you've played Halo before, play on heroic." I have played Halo before. I also don't suck at video games. I know better than to play on hard my first time through a game, but I figured what the hell.
 
As I type this I have just finished playing the level "The Package" and I feel like the game is dragging on. And on. And on. AND ON. AND ON. I roll my eyes every time the game throws yet ANOTHER wave of three or four high ranking elites, jackals and brutes at me, or a pair of hunters, sometimes two pairs at a time, while providing me with nothing but a very, very hefty stash of assault rifles and half ammo plasma weapons. Arguably the worst weapon in the game, and limited resources for inaccurate weapons that take forever to do anything to the friends of their previous owners. Some of these enemy combinations with the equipment they provide have taken me a half hour(!) or more(!!?)to defeat, often culminating in bullshit death after bullshit death. I have died more times in this campaign than any other game this year. Not once have I thought "Oh, I could have avoided that if I hadn't been a dumbass."
 
I am not one averse to challenge; I think a challenging game is often more rewarding when you can finally overcome it. Some of my favorite games are known for being suicide inducingly difficult; God Hand on Hard, Shinobi, the higher difficulty levels in the Devil May Cry games, Ninja Gaiden, etc. While most of these might be action games, I have completed my fair share of shooters on their higher or highest settings, such as Modern Warfare and its sequel, Halo 3, and so on. I felt a sense of accomplishment when I finally fought through and overcame whatever the game had thrown my way.
 
But playing Reach, I do not feel this. I feel nothing but irritation knowing I'm just going to have to do it AGAIN because the game continues to throw waves of overpowerng enemies without the proper tools to finish it quickly and efficiently in repeated bouts of artificial difficulty. 
 
Fuck it, I'm playing on normal.