What can I say? My e-peen has a long reach.
 
**

 
How are we gonna learn? How? If we never do something we're unfamiliar with, how could we become used to it? How could we become more proficient at it? The only road, the best way is to just do it, even though you might end up looking like a fool. In doing so we become wiser and richer.
 

 

When is the right time to sue?

 
 
We've all been there, our lamp company makes a good lamp, some nerds come up to us and ask for permission to put it in their computer videos, we say it's ok, but then 20 years later we forget and sue their ass. Right?
 
I'm dumbfounded that PIxar are getting sued by Luxo, all because Pixar (well probably the marketing dept.) want to sell a lamp in homage to their Luxo Jr. character from the Luxo Jr. short. If they were gonna sue Pixar, they should have done so when the short came out, in 1986. Except Luxo granted them permission: 
  

The notion of computer animation was still unfathomable for most of the public. Ultimately, Pixar and Luxo reached an agreement in which Luxo could screen the film at its own trade shows and Pixar could distribute the film without restraint. 

 
The smartest thing to do is to actually try to get some sort of official branding in this Luxo Jr. lamp, you know kinda like the Swingline staplers recognized that people would want the same stapler as Milton and just rolled with it and sold them. I assure you that they'd make much more money if they aligned themselves WITH Pixar instead against them. Luxo's argument is that if released, this lamp would tarnish the company's image. REALLY?! How could Pixar do anything of the sort? Have they even seen a Pixar movie? 
   
So many times I hear of things like this, companies sueing each other left and right, for all the wrong reasons. What needs to happen for this to stop? I think the old, out of touch executives just need to step down or die, ice bullets anyone? And be replaced by younger* people that understand that sometimes having a good image is as important or more than having a few more dollars in the bank.

Whatever the case, I hope they get to release them because I want one. 
 
 
 
*Or younger in spirit, at least people that don't think that women's suffrage is morally wrong.

Helter Skelter.

This is good and bad. That is all. 
 

 

Darci "Kittenpants" Ratliff

Complete this analogy. Menstruation is to Man as

(a) Cross is to Vampire
(b) Silver Bullet is to Werewolf
(c) Punctuation is to Christopher Walken
(d) Ghost is to Scooby Doo

I never really believed in the idea that men were afraid of periods. I thought it was just more fodder for the women-vs.-men theories of Venus/Mars books and bad stand-up comedians. When I see that movie trailer where Matthew McConaughey gets all skeeved-out after discovering a box of Tampax in his bathroom cabinet, it makes me think that Matt's never dated a girl over 13 before. If he were my boyfriend I'd make a mad dash for the door.

Most guys I know are comfortable with the monthly cycle, and have been since the first time they had to fetch some girlfriend's pads from the supermarket. I've even known some who'll "go to town" during that time of the month, (You know, Oral town; population: Oh, Gaahhh…), proving true the old adage that it's all about mind over matter ("If you don't mind, it don't matter.") My point is men don't consider your monthly curse an actual curse.

Or so I thought. You know, if you're so embarrassed, guy-at-the-deli, don't keep the tampons behind the counter. Just put them on the shelf (next to the diapers? Good call, asshole) and I'll help myself. I really hate trying to communicate my needs via animated pointing while some clerk (who WON'T EVEN LOOK!) reaches around blindly behind him, as if direct eye contact may turn him to stone. If you've got the nerve to charge me $4 for a tiny box of cardboard and cotton, I would think you could muster the balls to look at the package. Indiana Jones was less afraid when the Nazis opened the Ark.

It's just so annoying that someone else could feel so much shame about my period. My body, my bleeding vagina, my business. Get over yourself, guy.