DRAM_LED and everything? Because I've read about this issue online and most of the time it sounds like it just gives them the CPU_LED.
Which would, you know, make sense.
That being said, it clearly seems like it's the CPU that's at fault here. I thought I made sure to ground myself. I suspect I may have underused thermal grease the first time I tried applying my aftermarket cooler? I don't know. Something.