"You are all assholes, I don't want to work with you anymore."

A few years ago, back when I was still a directionless GameStop employee, I had conditioned myself to a pretty sporadic sleep pattern. I’d go to bed at 3 AM only to wake at 7 the next day to open the store. I’d then go to bed even later that day to wake up at 2 PM on the next. I’d then start my next shift which was at 5 PM. It was pretty unhealthy for me to do that and I should of stopped one week in but that went on for a while. I felt like crap every “morning”. I... was a dumb kid.

Yet every time I’d wake up, I’d have a giant smile on my face. The day was starting properly. Why? Because of my alarm.

“Hold on, am I sitting at a table with three people that are gonna sit here and defend Renny Harlin movies? Let’s do Cutthroat Island next if we wanna do that. Come on. Come on! John McTiernan! Master of modern fucking actions movies, the guy made Predator, God dammit. If you’re gonna sit here and say Renny Harlin made a better movie than him, you are all assholes, I don’t want to work with you anymore.” - Giant Bombcast, 07-21-2009

Every morning, I would wake up to that audio clip, one of my favorite moments from the Bombcast. Of course, I made sure it was cut long enough to let Dave say “I can’t wait for a year from now when we are having the same conversation and two out of four of us are wearing night vision goggles”, so that it could end on Ryan’s loud, infectious laugh.

My favorite picture of Ryan. "Incredulous about a fucking MOUNTAIN made of SPACE. In space? Whatever."

I joined the site when it was in its earliest of early forms in 2008 and have tried to be/been one its most dedicated members. I had followed the crew through the Gamespot days but beyond watching their stuff, I didn't go on the forums or interact with the community there at all. Giant Bomb changed that. Here, the community was small and devoted. We were all here because we all loved Jeff, Ryan, (with the eventual addition of Vinny and Brad) and video games. Everyone on the forums started knowing who everyone was and, like many others, I’ve had the great fortune of making some friendships through here that will last me until I, too, breathe my last breath.

Though videogames united all us, the staff on the site was the bonding agent that made us stick, smell weird, and be potentially hazardous to children under the age of four. We essentially grew to become accidental members of a cult of personality, only no one involved really has any power over anything. The guys at the top who act like idiots on camera send love our way with content we can’t get enough of and we return the love with in-jokes, bizarre Tumblr posts, and a personal bond that I, for one, don’t regret a single bit. The relationship all of us share with each other and with the Giant Bomb staff is unique in its existence. The absolute flood of love towards one another on Twitter that continues as of this writing is a prime example of that. When we need it the most the site is there, be it staff or community. We are one big family and this domain that sports an excited-about-exploding bomb is our home.

On the 3rd of July, 2013, we lost one of our family members. I’ve unfortunately never met Ryan but the effect he had on me was profound and meaningful, enough to characterise a good portion of who I am today. His enthusiastic love for all things “dumb” has fueled the ironic appreciation I have for terrible music, movies, and games. His boisterous energy in any argument he threw himself was so amusing and entertaining that it made me love to argue on even the stupidest of topics. Even if I was wrong, I brought the biggest smile to my face by simply being as energetic about the argument as he would have been.

Perhaps it should stay there. Something I can look at now and then to give myself a laugh now and again.

The image at the very top of this post is a scan of a school project I did. We had to do a black and white, high-contrast portrait on Scratchboard. (A material that is entirely black which you can scratch/carve to reveal a white undercoating.) I had many options for my subject but I settled on Ryan, figuring that it would probably be really hilarious when I’d be done with it. Sure enough, it gave me a laugh every time I looked at it. That portrait began a long-line of jokes from my classmate Anna who whenever she’d see me watching Giant Bomb content or photoshopping some stupid bullshit involving Ryan would be sure to tell me: “Oh my god, why are you so obsessed with Ryan?!” It was just coincidence every time but I laughed regardless. I suppose I was, to some extent. Maybe the "personality cult" is just so strong that I don’t really realise it myself.

My plan for the scratchboard was to go to PAX East 2013 and give it as a gift to the man himself. It was the least I could do for the endless hours of entertainment that he, and Giant Bomb as a whole, had provided me through times both easy and tough. I was unable to go this year, due to school and money problems, so the planned changed. Next year, I’d have enough money saved up to go to PAX East 2014 and I’d have the scratchboard to give to Ryan and a poster of the Daily Dota to give to Brad, Matt, and Matt. (and Crispy? I don't know if he attends.) It seems the plan’s changed again. I’m not quite sure what my ‘Plan C’ is.

I’ve cried more today than I have in an extremely long time. This loss... it’s not easy. I’m still trying to grasp the reality that I will never hear or see Ryan ever again. It’s unfathomably difficult to accept. And this is just me, a 20-something year old jackass in a Montreal suburb, saying this. My brain lacks the processing power to understand how crushed his wife, his family, his friends, and his coworkers must feel. I take comfort knowing that to him, they were all just one big group and he was his enthusiastic and expressive self to them all.

In some bizarre way, I looked up to Ryan. If I could reach out to 1% of the amount of people he’s affected with what I do for a living, I would die a happy and complete man. The world has lost one of its most special duders.

May it forever be Tuuuuuueeeeesday! in heaven, Ryan. You will forever be missed.

45 Comments
45 Comments
Posted by TruthTellah

Thanks for that, Aurahack.

Today, we are all Ryan Davis.

Posted by natetodamax

That's one of my favorite Bombcast moments as well and I've been trying hard to find which episode it's from. I'll have to go download it now.

Not really sure what else to say. Even after so several hours I'm till trying to process this. Holding off to write something till tomorrow. But thanks for sharing.

Edited by Wunder_

Bravo Aurahack.

Edited by DGBruin08

My only condolence is that a man with such a kind heart as his has made it to the big video game in the sky.

Posted by Vance_Helsing

We love you Ryan!

Posted by McGhee

Man, I would love a print of that picture. I really appreciate reading things like this today.

Posted by DevourerOfTime

I would buy a t-shirt that says I Miss Ryan Davis.

Posted by mrsmiley

Incredible post. Thank you.

Posted by aurahack
Posted by McGhee
Edited by Walreese55

Holy shit, I asked him that question that led to the clip! I asked what was the crew's worst Die Hard movie and that mine was Die Hard 3 and that led to the rant. The craziest thing was that I ended up meeting Ryan and Drew at PAX East this year and told him that this was me. He was so goddamned nice to me, and I could tell he was tired, but he spent ten minutes talking to some random kid he'd never met. Fuck this just fuck. I dont know what to write anymore

Posted by Hoffafiles

<> RIP

Posted by Transit3

Thanks for the read aurahack. That "May it be forever Tuuuueeeesday!" Really got me.

Posted by Coafi

Aurahack, you are one talented dude and that is one awesome portrait.

Posted by ashkev

Thanks for this. I think you expressed yourself just fine.

Online
Posted by Symptomz

This is a great post, really touching. And the scratchboard portrait is amazing. Thanks for sharing

Posted by Kaowas

Well put, dude. I think Ryan would've loved that portrait.

Posted by GaspoweR

Thanks sir.

Posted by Deltan

Thank you. Well said. :)

Edited by DaveMagic

@dgbruin08:

Ryan is now invincible. He has activated God-Mode.

Posted by illegalnull

Thanks for that. You can add me to that 1% you're working on!

Posted by BD_Mr_Bubbles

My only condolence is that a man with such a kind heart as his has made it to the big video game in the sky.

Posted by Isnagov

Well said, Aura. Thanks for saying it here with us.

Posted by TheSoldier89

Well said. Despite only being a member to giantbomb for more or less a year, it was one hell of a year. Made all the better thanks to Ryan Davis. I will certainly miss him and miss him being baffled by the plot of Lethal Weapon 2. Godspeed Mr. Davis, Godspeed

Edited by NegativeCero

This may come closest to fully grasping what I'm feeling but am too inarticulate enough to write in blog form. I have been truly happy reading your and everyone who posted a blog today remembering Ryan. I've never met the man, but I still feel like I've lost an old friend. We'll miss you, Ryan.

Edited by Brackynews

I feel confident saying that in heaven, nobody has to play Dante's Inferno.

Posted by Red12b

love you man

Posted by jillsandwich

Anybody have a youtube link to that renny harlin discussion?

Posted by pompouspizza

Incredible post.

Edited by NicksCorner

Great post duder.

Posted by thomasonfa

You said it all. Good post.

Posted by medacris

Bravo, Aura. Nobody could've put it better than you.

I don't know if anyone on here considers me a friend, but seeing how tightly-knit everyone else has become over watching Ryan and co.'s exploits over the years is pretty damn heartwarming to me. I think the fact that we're all soldiering on and continuing to update the wiki, post on the forum, and so on is exactly what Ryan would have wanted.

Posted by Halberdierv2

good work, Eric.

Posted by Cashewual

Amazingly well put!

Edited by TheManWithNoPlan

Nice post. I'm having an equally hard time accepting this. It will take time.

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Posted by Jedted

@aurahack: Great portrait! Where does Ryan make that face? I always see it during the TNT pre-show but i don't remember where it's from.

Posted by Tehvenom

Really heart warming how Ryan Davis channeled through so much people, sad he is gone and hope the crew grows stronger. nice read Aurahack.

Posted by Acornactivist

Good words man. And that's an incredible scratch board portrait.

Posted by PopBot

Goddamn duder.

Posted by aurahack

@popbot: @acornactivist: @tehvenom: @jedted: @themanwithnoplan: @cashewual: @halberdierv2: @medacris: @thomasonfa: @nickscorner: @pompouspizza: @jillsandwich: @red12b: @brackynews: @negativecero: @thesoldier89: @bd_mr_bubbles: @isnagov: @illegalnull: @davemagic: @deltan: @gaspower: @kaowas: @symptomz: @ashkev: @coafi: @transit3: @whiskeyabe: @walreese55: @mrsmiley: @devoureroftime: @mcghee: @vance_helsing: @dgbruin08: @wunder_: @natetodamax: @truthtellah:

In every one of my posts, I do my best to individually reply to everyone because I truly value every comment that gets thrown my way, good or bad. I wouldn't be here if I didn't want to interact with the internet's greatest community, right? I've been really busy this week, so I regretfully need to batch-reply to all of you like this. Thank you for your kind words about the art, sharing your own little bits about Ryan and what he meant to you, and for being a kick-ass duder. It dawned on me while waiting in line for the bus today that none of us will ever have Ryan back, try as we might. We all suffered the deepest, most personal type of loss. It hurts like no other and does not fade easily. The bright side of it all, though, is that it is a collective grief shared by all of us. No matter where you are right now, be it in your circle of friends, Facebook, Twitter, the forums, Reddit, GAF, Shacknews, /v/, anywhere—chances are you are within immediate contact of someone who's hurting like you are. No matter your home, no matter your location, no matter who you are, someone else is there to share your pain, to share the good, the bad, and to help mend the wound. This arguably is a once in a lifetime moment. We should cherish it.

As something nice to leave on, the reason I've been so busy is because I've been hard at work on my first game project with a small team of extremely talented individuals. We're currently finishing up our first prototype, which we will be showcasing and demoing at the Montreal Startup Festival this Thursday. I'd never be where I am now, essentially living my dream, if it wasn't for the constant inspiration and joy that Ryan and this site have brought me.

Edited by TruthTellah

@aurahack: ...the reason I've been so busy is because I've been hard at work on my first game project with a small team of extremely talented individuals. We're currently finishing up our first prototype, which we will be showcasing and demoing at the Montreal Startup Festival this Thursday.

Using a death to promote your game project, eh? That's gutsy! :|

Just kidding! heh. Sorry. For some reason, Ryan's passing has really given me the urge to be a bit rougher and off-color in my humor. He had somehow mastered the ability to be a jerk while at the same time making others feel more at ease. It's like magic. There was a sweetness even to his insults, and you knew the ribbings were almost always in kindness.

That's really cool, aura. I remember my first game project. Boy was that a mess. ha. But you learn from 'em. Sounds like yours is shaping up well. Perhaps you can share some more info on it once you demo it at the festival? I'd love to hear more about it and see what yall are making. :)

Posted by aurahack

@truthtellah: I am the most brutal of opportunists.

If it came across as that, I sincerely apologise, haha. I am just proud of what I am currently working on and I owe a lot of it to the effect Ryan's had on me. That said, if you do want to know more about the game, you should keep an eye on our Twitter account. We plan on showing progress every so often once we get the ball truly rolling, so that'd be the place to check it out!

Posted by TruthTellah

@aurahack said:

@truthtellah: I am the most brutal of opportunists.

If it came across as that, I sincerely apologise, haha. I am just proud of what I am currently working on and I owe a lot of it to the effect Ryan's had on me. That said, if you do want to know more about the game, you should keep an eye on our Twitter account. We plan on showing progress every so often once we get the ball truly rolling, so that'd be the place to check it out!

heh. It's a rough business; gotta promote your stuff as best you can! ;)

Will you make any blog posts on progress perhaps? I know it's old-fashioned, but outside of this thing over the last two days, I really don't follow Twitter at all. I don't even have a Twitter account. If you can't, I understand, but posts like that are generally rather popular when people share what they're working on.

Regardless, good luck in polishing it up for Thursday! Happy crunch time to ya!

Edited by aurahack

@truthtellah: We'll see! All our posts are on our website as well but I might break out and do something here every now and then. (I think our game designer has taken the role of handling our social media stuff so yeah, I might just make a series of my own on here.)

Posted by TruthTellah

@aurahack said:

@truthtellah: We'll see! All our posts are on our website as well but I might break out and do something here every now and then. (I think our game designer has taken the role of handling our social media stuff so yeah, I might just make a series of my own on here.)

Sounds good. I look forward to it.

(on an unrelated note, here's a picture of Ryan drawn today by Olly Moss)