Goodbye, friend.

I just heard the news.

I feel like I want to vomit, I am utterly devastated. I feel like I'm in shock. It's fucking heartbreaking, I am heartbroken.

Ryan was the main reason I used to read and frequent GS to the extent that I did, and when he would occasionally show up on the Hotspot it was always the friggin' best; he was a driving reason I followed the crew over to these greener pastures. There's so much more that could be said, I'm just so emotionally ruined I can barely manage to articulate anything right now - it's the most awful thing. Such a great guy, fucking loved that guy. I will miss you forever Ryan.


Adult Tonsillectomy Dream Journal

Apparently adult tonsillectomies are excruciatingly friggin' painful. I'm having one tomorrow at 6:30 AM, and I'm 29.  I got two weeks off of work  for this shit - the silver lining.
They told me I had to stop smoking and drinking two weeks before the surgery, so I haven't had either since the 26th. This is the longest I've gone without booze in almost a decade.  
I'm using this blog to write down my experiences after each day of recovery.   Two weeks of Hell for a lifetime free from tonsil stones. 
If I don't make it through the anesthesia I want it on record that I demand vengeance.

I had a couple thoughts today

Today I was thinking how odd it was that there's no male equivalent of the Fag Hag, something like the Dyke Dude. Best friends with a full-on butch lesbian. You could annoy the wife by telling her you and Norma are going to go play a few rounds of golf and come back and spend the rest of the day working on the porch. I think this would be a good sitcom idea. 
I also realized it would be useful to invent a Vandersloot Rating system in which each country or city was assigned a Vandersloot rating, based on a 1 to 10 scale, that corresponds to how much danger they pose to the average American tourist. You could also apply the Vandersloot system to a numerical Vandersloot Chart and make a color-coded worldwide Vandersloot Map with the most dangerous areas being bright red (a Vandersloot 10) and the least dangerous areas being a subdued blue (a Vandersloot 1.) For tourists outside of the USA a Vandersloot Map of the United States could be created. It makes no sense that, for example, in Michigan a Japanese tourist could go from a Vandersloot 2 to a Vandersloot 8 in less than a quarter tank of gas - it would be wicked useful.  
I don’t know if these have been done yet. Years ago after realizing that black people get hurt too I thought I had invented the concept of Ethnic Band Aids, but I later saw them in the store.  
I'll make sure to keep you updated on my thoughts as they occur.


Top Five Greatest [non arcade] Game Intros Of All TIme



5: Chakan the Forever Man

Dark, brooding fantasy in front of a nutty (but fitting) MIDI bongo beat. When I first rented this from a local Mom and Pop video shop called Sky Windows, peddled it home on my bike in a friggin' plastic bag, and pushed it into my Genesis slot only to have this come up - golden.    

4: Fallout

Somewhere and some time a mid-to-late-teens myself sits on a grey knitted cushion of a swivel chair, drinking a can of Coke, taking it all in...

3: Half Life

The halfway-interactive intro of Half Life was as compelling as it was frustrating when I first played this shit. After 15 seconds you just knew this game was going to be a classic. 

2: Super Metroid

A younger me borrows my Brother-in-law's SNES and first plays this after midnight.... I am blown away.... 

1: OoT

Hardly needs explanation. Ultra subtle and buttery smooth – it’s a prelude of excellence to come. The music alone will launch your ass back to a vague time and feeling, and it is never bad. Never bad. 
The date is wrong on the bottom, it's the GC disc, but it's the clearest one out there..

Top Five Television Shows on TV

1: Cash Cab a.k.a. Jeopardy For Idiots 

 Ben Bailey asks questions the average person should be able to answer and makes stupid faces into the camera as his passengers struggle to answer them. 







2: Bizarre Foods with Andrew Zimmern  

UItra effete and super watchable, Andrew Zimmern travels the world and eats the planet's most vile local foods. Ironically, the only thing that has yet made him gag has been a fruit. 
3: Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations 
The world's biggest self-righteous New Jersey asshole travels the world with his arrogant pompadour. He constantly has this disgusted "I just smelled something sour" expression on his face because he knows his viewers are just regular "part of the problem" people. He's not a Bobby Flay type of asshole though; he's a strangely likable sort of asshole. 



4: Top Gear 

I had no idea I got the BBC America channel, and I had never heard of the show. I saw it in the guide a while back and watched it out of boredom. Wicked watchable show. 3 limeys bust each other's balls and go on engine-related adventures.  Really well-made, entertaining show - and this from someone who doesn't give a fuck about cars.



5: Three Sheets  

Host Zane Lamprey doesn't have Zimmern-levels of personality, he's more of a wandering bro-dawg who travels the world drinking local varieties of booze. He doesn't get loaded enough 95% of the time, but it's still better than most of the other shit on. I used to watch it on a channel called MOJO, but that shit the bed. It's on the Fine Living channel now. 

These are the good things on television right now.