If you care a fuck about Ryan Davis, don't throw something away that he would have surely done anything to cling onto. Every day you can hang on is a day he doesn't get to have. And you do. So do something with it. Even if it is super tiny and feels insignificant at the time.
Also, if you are going to do something, don't fucking do it during the holidays. Don't rob the people you care about not only of your existence, but of the one time of year when they're supposed to be able to find some joy and humanity for the rest of their life.
At the very least, promise yourself to put it off for awhile. Maybe by the time that day comes, you'll have changed your mind. If you can't do that, then call 1-800-273-8255 and ask them for help. What have you got to lose by making one last phone call?
BTW, we are all human pieces of shit. Stick around.