• Date joined:2008-07-22
  • City:Montclair
  • Gender:Male
  • Alignment:Neutral
  • Points:214 Points
  • Ranked:Currently Disabled

In the western region of the “City of Brotherly Love” known as Philadelphia my mother expelled me from her womb and indeed that is also where I spent my childhood in my mother’s care. The majority of my time was spent in a recreational area containing such diversions as a jungle gym, swing set, sand box, etc. I was typically at the height of leisure while frequently at a temperature slightly below what might be considered standard room temperature. Outside of my educational institution I was engaging in a game of basketball with some of my friends, when a couple of gentlemen who seemed to be of the disposition to cause a great deal of mischief began causing a great deal of chaos and disharmony in the area in which I lived. I was involved in one rather small bout of fisticuffs after which my mother became concerned for my general safety and well-being, and she informed me that I would be moving in with her sister and her sister’s husband in the previously mentioned community of Bel-Air.

I implored my mother to relent approximately 24-48 hours ago, yet she gathered my belongings in a somewhat flat, rectangular shaped piece of luggage and expelled me from her presence. She placed her lips upon my cheek in an affectionate manner and handed me a pre-purchased pass for public transportation. I placed the headphones for my personal music system onto my ears and verbalized the idea that I may as well impact this situation with my foot.

Traveling in the highest available level of comfort, this is indeed an unfortunate situation (although I make this statement with some irony). Consuming the juices obtained by the squeezing of the fruit of a Citrus sinensis from a piece of glass stemware commonly reserved for the sipping of sparkling wine originating from the champagne region of France, I pause to wonder if this is indeed how the residents of the admittedly upper-class neighborhood of Bel-Air commonly live. Indeed I find this situation may be rather to my enjoyment.

I puckered my lips and exhaled forcefully to produce a shrill note in order to gain the attention of a taxicab driver. And as the driver approached I observed his California vanity plate which in place of the traditional jumble of alpha-numeric characters, used only the letters F, R, E, S, and H, spelling out the word “fresh” and from his rearview mirror dangled a pair of oversized, fur-covered cubes decorated to look like the six-sided dice commonly used in gambling and board games. In such a situation I could have made a statement about the unusualness of this particular taxicab to the point of it being nearly unique. Instead I cogitatively decided against it and instead informed the driver that he should deliver me to what was to become my new home in the community of Bel-Air.

We pulled up to a large domicile sometime between the hours of 7 and 8 o’clock, and in a loud tone of voice I informed the cab driver that at some undetermined point in the future I would again detect his odor through my sense of olfaction. I gazed about the region of land that I was destined to rule, reflecting on my arrival, where I would claim my rightful place upon the throne, from which I would govern the community of Bel-Air as monarch.