man I really need to trim my mustache. It's grown over my upper lip completely and I just end up chewing on it.... maybe I'll do that later....
Don't! You're getting one of the greatest gifts a man can attain. A handlebar mustache! I have harnessed the power of this mighty beast with my facial fists of hair and let me tell you from atop of Man Mountain "The view is great!"
On a related note.
Scissors and a comb.