By CharlesAlanRatliff 16 Comments
It starts out innocently enough. You want someone to play Kinect Adventures with, so you head online to find a stranger wanting to do the same. The game's matchmaking system finds a partner, placing you both in a glass case under the sea, where various creatures intent on your demise crack holes in your fragile little box, all in the hopes of drowning you. You both work quickly to patch up the leaks, and all seems well, until your newfound friend suddenly stops. "What the hell is he doing?" you ask yourself.
He takes one step to his right, placing him within reaching distance. His hand slowly rises and starts carressing your back, moving it lower and lower. It stops, and you realize his hand is now groping your firm, polygonal buttocks. This ... this is weird, you think to yourself. Then you remember that somewhere, there is another human being, a person you don't know, performing these actions with their actual body. You quickly disconnect. Well, as quickly as one can disconnect using the Kinect interface.
Yes, this actually happened. I was there, man. Motion-controlled molestation is a new form of griefing, a thing that I'm sure is happening every day - right now, even.
And now ... a confession: I was the groper. But look, it wasn't my fault! OK, maybe a little, but it was just one time! I ... I had to test out the limitations of the Kinect, you know? For knowledge and stuff. Knowledge I have passed on to you in hopes to quell the perversions of anonymous Kinect owners.
That was a lie; I'm sorry. I actually just thought it would be amusing. And it was. But never again, OK?
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