Introspection with Human Revolution.

Buying Deus Ex: Human Revolution had seemed like a no-brainer.

It was on sale, I'd always loved the aesthetic it was going for in the trailers, It reviewed well, and it would give me something to do over the Easter break.

Plus, it was a game made in 2011, even if I didn't enjoy the gameplay I could crank through it on easy mode without breaking a sweat.

How wrong I was.

I wouldn't say I regret the purchase per se, i'm just finding the whole experience frustrating but also kind of revealing in some peculiar ways.

The game as a whole seems to be pointing out and constantly attacking my need for control and my lack of patience, in a way that makes for an interesting introspection but also makes me want to throw a controller every time I have to restart and sit through a load screen.

(For the record I am terrible at this game, on the easiest setting I'm still cocking up any attempt at sneaking and getting tangled in the cover and weapon mechanics. My augmentations were mostly picked on a whim (with the exception of the conversation pheromones, which I picked to help avoid having to do any more sneaking or shooting), with my intent on playing someone who isn't particularly stealthy.)

It's a game where I can't stack the odds in my favor before a fight (like MGS4 with Drebin or Assassins Creed Brotherhood), where bum rushing even a modest amount of enemies ends with me having flat robot man batteries and several bullets in my face.

The thing is that I realize the game shouldn't have to make things easy for me, and if anything I feel guilt over my crude playing abilities and the fact that my frustration with the gameplay has distracted me from the games atmosphere and story.

I guess i'd never seriously thought about how my ability/inability to play a game properly reflects upon me personally, and it's left me with some interesting questions:

If I really try, could I better my gameplay experience in Deus Ex and (in some small way) myself as a person?

Is playing games that I normally dismiss as 'not really my thing' more constructive than playing games I know I will enjoy?

Is Deus Ex: Human Revolution actually just a shitty game with bad AI, lackluster weapons and poor level design?

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