Hey guys, there's two parts to this. The first part is my rambling post on the loss of one of our own. The second is a stream I'm putting together for Friday relating to Ryan's passing. It's much shorter and I would be enthused to get some feedback.

Rambling Blog: So Long My Hero

I've never actually written anything here. In fact the last time I posted anything to Giant Bomb I think it was on a Hitman: Absolution video saying how the new visual mode was probably a way of displaying the instinct of 47. I got chased off, and I never posted again. I'm here today though. That is what matters.

You see, I've been a lurker of the site since its inception. I was always terrified and intimidated by people and didn't even join a community which I could have called family. Something clicked however in the past 48 Hours. It clicked because of Ryan Davis, a man who I gladly call a hero, departed this world. Some say that this is a strong term to use for a journalist. That I might be exaggerating simply due to his passing. I speak the truth, and at the moment my tears show it.

The man really saved me from myself, that fear of people I talked about? It came about because I wasn't accepted anywhere, I always lived in back-woods towns where the outdoors and sports were a way of life. I didn't fit that niche and constantly sought out people who would accept the game obsessed, computer wizard guy who's so pale you can lose him in a snow bank. That typically never happened. It was tough, but it got better. That happened thanks to 4 men who I have a ton of respect for.

When Jeff left Gamespot I followed. I always liked Jeff. To this day if someone sees me watching anything with Jeff's face in it they tell me I look like Jeff (weird right?). When Giant Bomb started I knew who Ryan was but I had no real appreciation for what he brought to the table. Over the years however I realized just how amazing Ryan was, the man was a joyous energetic storm of passion and positivity. He believed what he wanted, liked what he liked, and didn't take any shit for it. He was a guy I grew to admire, and one who in the past year I've aspired to be like. Things happened in my life that I did not see coming, things that nearly took me from this place. Out of that disaster though I found out that Ryan was a beacon in the storm of pessimism. I took one look at him from that point of view and said "that's who I want to be".

Due to his optimism in the games industry I decided to become a programmer. It was a hard fought battle but 4 years later I'm developing my own indie game and writing some crazy architectural and engineering software. I never would have walked this path if it weren't for him and that personality. At this point, I can't imagine my life any other way. Thank you Ryan.

I decided to give people a chance again seeing Ryan interact with so many and being so happy. Turns out I like people, and I finally have a close knit group of friends who I appreciate immensely. What's more important I've found people who like me for me, and that is amazingly comforting. Thank You Ryan.

He taught me that dreams are worth fighting for, no matter the cost. What's more he proved that fact with this very site and every public accomplishment he made. He inspired me to start working on a game design I had set aside since I was 14. I'm going to publish a crowd funding campaign in a month, something I never thought I would do. Thank You Ryan.

I'm sorry Ryan, I wish I would've written this sooner. I wish I would've reached out more and connected with everyone on here as well as you. Only joining the rest of this amazing group of people now due to this tragedy will be my final regret. From now forward I'll be living a much better way of life. One of optimism, completion, and friendship. One that you showed me existed. You helped a man who you never knew, and that is truly amazing.

Goodbye Ryan,

May your Pac-Man games run endlessly.

In Memoriam: Ryan Davis Charity Night

I usually hold a game night every Friday during which we play a plethora of games. This Friday will be special however as I will be live streaming the occasion in hopes of raising funds for either Ryan's Family (if that has come together) or Child's Play in his name. Many of you have a lot of skills and awesome talent. I however am only able to sing and I've never been able to make up a song on the fly. That being said I have nothing to lose by embarrassing myself on camera and think it would be an awesome testament to the man if I did that. It's going to be full of energy and lively as all heck, and if there's a tear shed in the room it's going to be from laughter. If a community stream thing starts up I would gladly roll this into that, it would be a great honor to do so.

I've got the technical know-how and a pretty big cash of games, computers, and software for making the stream portion of it happen. On top of that I have a group of friends who have seen what I've been going through this week and want to pitch in to a good cause. This idea is still growing however and I'd like to have some feedback from anyone out there who can think of some things to throw in.

Should it be an "all-nighter" style marathon?

What would some good challenge goals be to keep things entertaining and keep people donating?

What types of games would you like to see played?

On top of that I am going to do something real strange. If you are in New Brunswick, Canada and are over 19 feel free to PM me. If I'm not the only Duder in NB and you can make your way here than I would love to get you guys/gals in on this. We're the Giant Bomb family and it's important for us to be together in this.

This is how I'm taking down my grief, and it will make me proud to see some of you there, be it in the Chat or on other streams.

I'll be working on this game list all week and taking user submissions as well.

I love all of you guys, stay strong.

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