Executive Scandal at Sony

Sony faithful shocked to learn Kevin Butler is not actually Vice President of anything.

The Sony fan base was rocked to its very core this weekend with the revelation that Kevin Butler, the likable and humorous executive featured in the Playstation's “It Only Does Everything” advertisements, is not really Vice President of any division within Sony Computer Entertainment. In fact, at the time of this writing it appears that he may never have held a position of any kind with the company. This information came to light after questions from a fan on the Playstation Blog sparked an internal investigation at Sony into Butler's official employment status.

Tim Feldman, known in the comments section of the Playstation Blog as xXxMASTERCHIEF_INHALES_DICKS69xXx, says he began to notice something strange after having seen several of the Kevin Butler ads.

 
“It just dawned on me one day that his title kept changing,” related Feldman. “In one commercial, he'd be the VP of First-Person Shooter Relations, and in the next he'd be VP of Epic Footage.” Feldman continued, pointing out that in some ads didn't even refer to him as a vice president. “One time he was Director of Rumor Confirmation, and another he was Regional Manager of War.”

 
Claims Feldman, “I knew for sure that something was fishy when I saw an ad that called him VP of Enough is Enough.”

 
As his suspicions grew, Feldman began asking about Butler in the comments sections of articles on the Playstation Blog. In every comments section, regardless of whether it was relevant to the content of the article or not, Feldman would leave questions about Kevin Butler, often several times in hopes of being noticed. Even an IP ban for spamming comments didn't stop Feldman, who created a new account on a computer at his local library. Eventually, his curiosity would spread to community manager Jeff Rubenstein, who took the question of Butler's title to management at SCEA. As it turned out, they had no idea what his official title was either.

 
“Come to think of it, it was pretty strange how he just showed up one day,” says Senior VP Peter Dille. “I hadn't heard anything about someone new being hired, but he acted like he was supposed to be here. At the time, I just figured Jack must have hired him and forgotten to mention it. Sometimes the communication within our office isn't the best.” Dille still recalls when he first met Butler: “He introduced himself as VP of Getting Things Done. I thought he was joking.”

 
After asking around, Dille realized nobody quite knew where Butler had come from, and searching the company's employment records revealed that no one by the name of Kevin Butler had ever worked for Sony. The news came as a shock to many, Dille included.

 
“Maybe the most surprising thing about this is that he's so good at his job—the one he doesn't actually have, that is,” muses Dille. “To be honest, we weren't in especially great shape when Kevin came on board. He really helped turn things around,” he admits. “Thanks to Kevin, the Playstation division is well on its way to profitability. He was the driving force behind last year's price drop, and the introduction of the slim model; and when the time came to start our new marketing campaign, Kevin just seemed so funny and trustworthy that he was a natural fit for the role of TV spokesman.”

 
“Yeah,” Dille added after a moment of contemplation, “I really don't know where we'd be without Kevin.”

 
“In fact,” confided Dille, “once we learned he wasn't actually employed here, we considered offering to hire him, but no one really knew how bring it up in a way that didn't feel awkward. Thing is, we're not entirely sure what made him decide to come here in the first place. But he seems perfectly happy with the way things are now, and we're glad to let him stay as long as he wants.”

 
The same courtesy was not extended to Butler's new hire Marcus, who was quickly escorted from the building on Monday.