The Unofficially Official *ETC* GOTY Awards!

Ahh, it's that time of the year again. All the press and gaming journalists are busy arguing over or putting up their Best Graphics Of The Year! Best Xbox 360 ONLY Game! Best Serious Business Game Of The Year! That's all great and everything, but while they are busy doing that, I would like to take a moment and applaud some smaller parts of great games that helped make those games great.

*Boom Boom Pew Pakhchhshhh* THIS IS THE ETC CATEGORIES FOR THE GAMES OF THE YEAR *Pookh pookh pash pashhhh*

Ps. Don't take this seriously. Or do.

Best Bosses/Best Boss Battles: Dark Souls.

From the Gaping Dragon to Seath the Scaleless, the bosses in Dark Souls were scary, huge, and taunting. They could kill you in a second if you lost attention or played poorly; and that's what makes the bosses of Dark Souls really great. It's that sense of tension, the edge of your seat feeling, the feeling of horror that fills you as you decide whether to take one more shot or back off, that scary moment when you take a sip of Estus Flask but get hit by the boss and lose all the refilled health. It's not only the difficulty that makes these bosses fantastic, it's the artistic and mechanical design behind each one of them as well. You cannot use the same tactic for two of the bosses, or hell, sometimes you cannot use the same tactic twice for one boss. The bosses of Dark Souls were so great, when I finished the game, I wished they would make a Souls game where all you fight are the bosses; boss after boss.

Best Level-Up Noise: Skyrim

The first time I leveled up in Skyrim, I heard some men shouting at me, I turned around and took my sword out ready to fight, then my dumbass figured out it was the level-up noise that got me that tense. In the age where almost all leveling up noises are guitar solos or WUB WUB WUB, this is a nice departion.

Best "No, No, NO NO NO NOOOO!" moment: Gears of War 3.

This passage includes heavy spoilers, be warned. When you start that chapter, Dom's character is already breaking down. Seeing his wife's grave and killing hundreds of what used to be humans, Dom's on the brink of breaking point. Then, Delta Squad is cornered and getting attacked from every side from the seemingly endless hordes of Formers, Locust and "Glowies". It seems like it's the end for Delta Squad, but one man takes action. I was literally screaming with Marcus as Dom ran the truck in the barrel, killing off the deepest character there was in Gears of War. We'll miss you Dom.

Most Scariest Enemy: Basilisks in Dark Souls.

Oh my God. I have had so many nightmares about these fuckers. With their big, hollow creepy eyes, their disgusting lungs constantly respirating and that "GET OFF ME!! GET OFFA ME!!" way they attack you. The first time I met these fuckers: I slipped into one of the holes in the sewers, and saw 3 of these guys just hanging around, I thought to myself "Okay, they are just frogs, I can take them" BUT OHH NOOO, they aren't just frogs; they are the deadliest normal enemies in Dark Souls. If these guys surround you and breath their cursed breath on you, not only will you die, you will also have half of your health for the rest of the game unless you find a merchant who has that expensive cure for curses. And I just cannot overstate how Goddamn creepy they look.

This one's a bit happy though. Happy to curse you eternally!

Worst Ending: Battlefield 3.

The most anti-climatic, the most boring, the most "Wait, it ended?", the most "Huh!" and the most unexplained ending of the year goes to Battlefield 3. The last mission of the game, is also the first mission of the game, and after that sequence, the game goes into this QTE mode with you driving through New York city trying to stop a nuke delivery ... and then you do it, and the game ends. You literally get the nuke, look at it, look back up and see people gather around you and the game ends. I suspect that they probably had other things planned to do at the end of that game but could not finish it in time. But that's me giving Dice benefit of the doubt.

Best Dubstep Soundtrack: Trackmania 2.

Because the best dubstep soundtrack is the community dubstep soundtrack.

Best "If this was a movie, I'd probably enjoy it the same": Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3.

Explosion! Explosions! Turrets! Shoot dudes! Explosions! More Turrets! Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3 tries its Goddamn hardest to show you all the explosions happening at all times best they can. And this comes through you sitting on a turret, on a back of a truck, or riding shotgun. Almost half of the game is on rails and the interactivity part of it is you hold down RT to shoot dudes. If this was a movie, I'd probably enjoy it about the same.