Back on May 25th, 2011, I made some E3 predictions and promoted it by promising bacon and more of it. I realize this act was despicable and totally uncalled for so here is your bacon fix, fellas.
This is the classic bacon sandwich. It's a very simple recipe that consists of two pieces of bread and as much bacon as your imagination can handle. There is a direct correlation between the amount of bacon on a sandwich and the awesomeness of said sandwich and the sandwich above is just above Vinny Caravella on the awesome scale. Because eating it might kill you. But just look at it. It's what Picasso would've made if he made donuts for a living. And you got chocolate in my bacon. Peanut butter is very jealous right now, but does it have to be that expensive? I'd eat a whole pound of chocolate covered bacon in one sitting if chocolate covered bacon was available in my area. And my bank account would be transferred slowly into my bloodstream. Bacon. Battered. Deep fried. The fat American stereotype will live on for years thanks to this monstrosity of goodness.
And that was bacon.
And now the question of the week. How do you enjoy this beloved pork product? Show us how you eat bacon in everyday life and proclaim your love to this food of the gods. Send your videos to this blog via the comment box below. See you next week for more "Dalai's Blog."
Well this is highly unusual. It's been almost a month since I've blogged about anything and so much has happened this month. We had Judgment Day... that was quite a day, right? The multiple 10.0 earthquakes, the giant asteroid that destroyed France, the Baconalia, the futuristic cyborgs, and the rivers of blood... oh the rivers of blood! The cleanup was difficult, but we pulled together and managed to survive. Nice work, planet Earth. And Sarah Connor.
Anyway, there's an E3 coming up in this post-rapture future and I think it's time to embarrass myself with some predictions as to what the video game industry will throw at us to see what sticks next. We know there's at least one new Nintendo console to be farted out, one new Sony handheld to be spewed out, and games games GAMES! So let's cut to the chase and predict away, me!
Project Cafe shown, hardcore game porn, minds blown.
Nintendo's very own Iwata, Satoru Iwata, has been on the record commenting about the Wii's shortcomings including its lackluster online service and its stubbornness to work with others. I think they learned valuable lesson with the Wii and despite its success with a significant population of casual fitness enthusiasts and people who want to just dance, just relying on them and lifelong Nintendo fans won't be enough this time now that Sony and Microsoft have copy/pasted their motion control strategy. That's why I think Nintendo is going to reach out to us, the Giant Bomb community, and make a console a bit more appealing to our collective tastes. That doesn't mean Nintendo itself is going to start making first-person shooters, but maybe we'll see more 3rd party support in that department. I predict Project Cafe will be a much more powerful system than anything else on the console market and will feature many of the bells and whistles we have become accustomed to on other systems like a more robust online presence, some type of achievement system, HD technology, a more traditional controller to complement the Wii Remote, and a fairly large hard drive... at least 120GB, maybe bigger if they're smart. So yes, I think Nintendo is getting back in the hardware race and dragging us along with it for now.
Microsoft whips up something really quick, closes with an Xbox 360 successor announcement.
We aren't expecting Microsoft or Sony to come out with new hardware for at least another 2 or 3 years as they're pushing their 10-year cycle initiative, but I don't think Microsoft wants to play second fiddle to Nintendo this year, especially now that they're gaining some momentum with Kinect. Oh they will show lots of Kinect stuff, but at the end of it all, they'll be a short 2 minute video with something pertaining to the next Xbox system. It won't really explain anything other than its existence, but we'll all be speculating from that point until the next E3.
Grand Theft Auto V will be announced, Vice City revisited.
It's been 3 years since Grand Theft Auto IV and even though Rockstar has been hard at work shedding it's image as a one-trick pony with Red Dead Redemption and L.A. Noire being as awesome as they are lucrative, Grand Theft Auto brings in Scrooge McDuck money. And so Rockstar will give us a Grand Theft Auto V teaser and a projected release date of 2012. Also, you'll see Vice City in all its glory. Neon lights, ladies in bikinis, and other stuff you might see in Rockstar's version of Miami Beach. We might even get to see the next protagonist doing what they do best, shooting dudes and running over innocent pedestrians, but this time with that fancy L.A. Noire facial tech. One final note: Grand Theft Auto V will be available of 360, PS3, PC, and Project Cafe. Yes, I'm totally going there.
But wait, there's more! Sequels that is.
Assassin's Creed III, Borderlands 2, Final Fantasy XV, Fallout 4, and maybe something Halo related? We're already saturated with sequels and if I know the video game industry, there will be many more than I mentioned. Personally I'm hoping for a SimCity sequel (as I do every year) and No More Heroes 3 for Project Cafe, but I'm satisfied with all the sequels announced already. Zelda is still a 2011 game and Mass Effect 3, Darksiders 2, and Bioshock Infinite will hurt my wallet next year. But yeah, those 4 still fictional titles I mentioned in the beginning of this paragraph, I believe they will be official at E3. Assassin's Creed III should fall in line with the typical franchise timeline so that game is to be expected. Borderlands 2 will likely be there despite Pitchford's denials. Final Fantasy XV... going out on a limb here, but this might be damage control for its fumbling of Final Fantasy XIV. Fallout 4? I'm just pulling that one out of my ass, really. Bethesda is busy with Skyrim and Fallout: New Vegas is still pretty fresh so that's my longshot pick of the week.
Sony won't be the only one with a new handheld gaming device at E3.
We see this every so often. An electronics company other than Sony and Nintendo will announce a new handheld at E3. Do you guys remember the Panasonic Jungle? Okay that wasn't announced at E3, but just bear with me here. Every few years, somebody believes they can make a portable console that can be part game console, part internet browser, part GPS device/panini maker and we're due for another failed attempt to crack the handheld market. I'll take a wild guess and say... Philips. Yep, the CDi peoples. They're way overdue.
No more meme-worthy quotes from drunk Leigh Alexander.
After two consecutive years of making an ass out of herself, she will attempt to be on her best behavior for reals this time. And that will be E3.
Now that Portal 2 is out of the way for the moment (except for the duel robit part) I'm thinking about dipping into a few of those small indie games I've seen on the Steam lately. Since there's nothing of the AAA title variety coming out that I want right this instant... or in the next few months... at the full retail price, I've decided to spend my hard-earned (prostitution) money elsewhere.
So you guys have any recommendations? Just to help, here are a few games I'm looking at.
SpaceChem: A puzzle game that's about chemicals... making chemicals. Looks like it's got some promise.
The Tiny Bang Story: It's a point and click adventure. I get this Machinarium vibe when watching the trailer. Which reminds me, play more Machinarium.
NightSky: I've been following this one for a while, back when it was called Night Game and a WiiWare game. Still looks pretty cool.
Cities in Motion: Wait, what? A transportation simulator? How did that get in here?
Am I missing anything in the hidden gem category? Should I just finish what I have and save my money? And finish Machinarium? Recettear? Puzzle Agent? Bob Came in Pieces? Blueberry Garden? Lucidity? Yes, the backlog has been upgraded from "quite large" to "immense" thanks for asking.
The past week has been so cluttered and chaotic that Giant Bomb now has a new duder on the staff to cover the news... and another that's leaving. But that's cool since I didn't think Brad Nicholson didn't quite fit well with the rest. He'll be fine, but hey... welcome new dude Patrick Klepek! So far he's not just reporting news, but even breaking news. JOURNALISM!
Anyway, so much happened this week. Whiskey Media went black for a while... and it was awesome. I missed most of the live shows during the Whiskey Media blackout, but what I saw was gold. And then they return and hey, news! Nintendo rumors ahoy, PSN troubles... ahoy, word on a new Giant Bomb home page redesign, Portal 2 talk, and Easter. Easter... yeah that's a big deal, but not in a video game way.
To comment on the PSN debacle, everyone has commented except me, mainly because I don't have anything to do with PSN and it has nothing to do with me. Yet I would be royally pissed off if I had to worry about my personal information being in the hands of unsavory characters. Changing credit card numbers is annoying enough and we've all been there before. But Sony completely dropped the ball and this will hurt the PlayStation brand for the rest of the life of the PS3. And I'd be lying if I said it didn't impact me, but Giant Bomb starlet Killjoi and I were supposed to be Portal 2 robo-buddies over the weekend, but the outage put the kibosh on that until it's resolved. So fuck you Sony as I type this on my Sony VAIO laptop.
Oh and Nintendo has a new console about to be revealed at E3. Personally, I like the timing and I've stated that a Wii 2 or Cafe or Stream or whatever it's called is needed sooner rather than later. Just keep that shit away from IGN, that video game website conglomerate which can't not start a rumor. I want nothing to do with rumors about touch screen controllers and the slightly more (or maybe significantly more) powerful (maybe just as powerful) graphics compared the 360 and/or PS3. Enough already!
When I was a young lad, the world was much different. We wore a lot of bright colors (even straight people) and listened to this type of music called grime? Grungy? Dudes in flannel? Anyway, I'm now a bit older and a skosh wiser and games are different. Big budget shooters, massive multiplayer games, DLC, in-game ads, indie, AAA, casual, hardcore, and I can go on and on.
I remember when superstar athletes were starring in their own sports games. Ken Griffey Jr. presented a game called baseball, Bo Jackson knew baseball, and Kobe Bryant took his game courtside. Before getting your mug on the cover on your typical EA Sports or 2K Games sports title was coveted, it was all about the biggest names in sports. If you were among the best athletes in the major sports leagues in America, you were probably offered a ton of money just to star in your own game with maxed out stats just to show how awesome you really are. Tiger Woods still represents, but the giant organizations have taken over the title game. No Albert Pujols Baseball or Peyton Manning's Gridiron Handegg... replaced with generic gibberish like NBA2K90210 and Madden NFL 69. There's a concept in there somewhere... ZombiePie, get to work on that.
So if you had the opportunity to create your own sports game 90s style, who would you want shilling your game? Curt Schilling?
It's today's biggest story/rumor of the day. The word on the street is that Nintendo is about to show off their new console this year at E3. And that it's coming out next year. Big shocker yeah we know blah blah blah... c'mon now! We knew this was going to happen, right? The Wii is turning 5 this year, developers and publishers are pushing for new hardware, and the Wii is really starting to show its age. A Wii 2 is inevitable, ladies. No need to go apeshit yet.
Wait... nobody is going apeshit yet except for the press with their supposed details and features of the Super Wii. Blu-ray, graphics more powerful than PS3, 3D, crazy new controllers with screens, 1080p, hardcore appeal, and backwards compatibility (actually that one has to be true.) All that is lovely, but we're all waiting for that one innovative nugget of information... like gameplay via mind control or robot buddy. So let's do the world a favor and wait until E3 when Mr. Iwata walks on stage and reveals the next Wii you can control with your heart via some kind of vitality sensing device.
Nothing to see here, folks. Go back to hyping Portal 2.
Portal 2. It's almost here and I know that because I can hear the hordes of Valve fanboys jerking off in the distance... or is that just my neighbor? Anyway, the hype is at critical mass due in large part to people talking about Portal 2 coming out next week. Yes, Valve has been quite mum about the whole thing and not releasing new trailers, screenshots, or placing various Easter eggs throughout numerous games. Yep, Valve hasn't made any effort to push...
Well maybe just a tiny little reminder Portal 2 exists, but that's it. The efforts to get the word out have been lackluster at best and...
Hmm... sly move there, but you're still avoiding the tried and true advertising techniques like billboards and...
You win, Aperture Science. Looks like Gabe will be able to afford that house made of solid gold he always wanted. Well played, good luck, and as always, have Batman.
You all know of the Pokemon, their powers, type, look, color, zodiac sign, etc. But Pokemon are just animals, right? Strange animals, but still living things. Living things we can eat. So what would a Pikachu taste like? How about a Squirtle? Piplups might be pretty delicious deep-fried.
Fun fact: in Korea, the Houndoom is considered a delicacy.
The tastiest Pokemon will get my final copy of World of Goo I've been wanting to get rid of.