King Dedede's epic yarn.

Pornography comes in many forms and you should all know, what with all the naked cartoon pussy and all. But Sears is playing catch-up. Take a gander at this actual product that Nintendo surprisingly approved.

Now... let's analyze this sling bag together, everyone. Available at

At first glance, it appears that King Dedede is buttfucking that Waddle Dee, the Goomba of the Kirby franchise. The king looks very pleased as if he's in some sort of dream land. The other Waddle Dee wants no part of the action and is looking away in shame, yet is in direct fire of the sticky liquid (I assume it's sticky) being sprayed all over. I have a feeling Nintendo will be taking this fine product off the market very, very soon.

If that's how Nintendo wants to market the release of Kirby's Return to Dream Land, I will fully support the game and buy it on launch day. And if Nintendo has a collector's edition with a full-body Waddle Dee pillow, I will finally have some use for my Wiimote condom.