By Dalai 0 Comments
We're all gonna die and possibly sooner than we all thought. The end times are near and there's nothing we can do to stop it! You might think I'm going nuts, but the signs of the apocalypse are all around you, hence the title of this blog. But let's skip the lengthy intro and let me show you what is going on in the world.
- No more profanity citations in Pennsylvania. Perhaps it's not the most noticeable signs, but I never expected this to happen... that being agreeing with the ACLU. It is now okay in Pennsylvania to tell a cop to go fuck himself. So if you're gonna tell off a police officer, do it in my home state because the cops can't do shit about it. Hopefully the next step will be to rid of some of those pesky public nudity laws.
- More than 8 million people watched the Jersey Shore premiere. I betcha those are the same 8 million that bought the Kinect last year. Seriously, this is an obvious sign of the end of the world and the worst part is that Snooki looks like she can survive a famine longer than the rest of us mortals.
- Mass animal deaths are normal. 2011 started off kinda weird with the mysterious death of thousands of blackbirds in Arkansas on New Year's Eve, but after top men gathered together to discuss this and the weird fish deaths in Arkansas (what the fuck is with you, Arkansas?) they stated that this shit is normal. So... now my cat is thinking about moving to Arkansas. Thanks, nature!
- You can't get away from Roseanne Barr. Former TV star and all-around mouthy uber-bitch Roseanne Barr wrote a book and I can't turn on cable news anymore. Maybe that's a good thing, but how am I supposed to know about blackbird suicide cults in Arkansas? Anyway, I've seen her on TV more this week than I had in the past 20 years and it's making me throw up in my mouth. I think I speak for the rest the world when I say, "Who gives a fuck about Roseanne Barr?"
And so that's the apocalypse... or the aflockalypse, or maybe the afuckalypse? The abarrcalypse? The snookacalypse? Whatever, I'm gonna move to the moon if Earth explodes.