110 Comments
  • 110 results
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
Posted by Dantekiller

what is the lamest joke and or line you know let us know muhahaha

Posted by Ventilaator

What's grey and can't swim?
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
A parking lot.

Posted by Dantekiller

lol

Posted by ZeForgotten

My lame joke that made someone chuckle at some point!

"The only change I've seen in the previous Call of Duty games is that the Credits keeps getting shorter #endterriblejokeaboutpeoplegettingfired"

Posted by Afroman269

@ZeForgotten said:

My lame joke that made someone chuckle at some point!

"The only change I've seen in the previous Call of Duty games is that the Credits keeps getting shorter #endterriblejokeaboutpeoplegettingfired"

That was good.

Posted by DeanoXD

why did the monkey fall out of the tree?

because he was dead.

Posted by thisguyrich

@Dantekiller: heres an original: a reclining chair factory would be a laid back place to work

Edited by Astras

What cries, red and is getting smaller and smaller?

.

.

.

.

A baby brushing it's hair with a potato peeler.

Posted by ShaolinSpade

What does a grape and an elephant have in common?

They're both purple except for the elephant.

Posted by Commisar123

Two muffins are sitting in an oven one muffin says "man its hot in here" the other goes "Ahhhhh a talking muffin"

Posted by Astras

What's brown and sticky?

.

.

.

A stick!

Posted by imsh_pl

Knock knock.

Posted by S0ndor

@imsh_pl said:

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Posted by DrPockets000

Friends are like potatoes.

If you eat them, they die.

Posted by jonano

whats do call a director that needs glasses?

squinting tarantino

Posted by MariachiMacabre

What do you call an Irish guy sitting on your porch?

Patty O'Furniture

Posted by imsh_pl

@S0ndor said:

@imsh_pl said:

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Fuck you.

Posted by pwnasaurus

what do you call two crows standing beside each other?

Attempted murder

Posted by S0ndor

@imsh_pl said:

@S0ndor said:

@imsh_pl said:

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Fuck you.

:(

Posted by imsh_pl

@S0ndor said:

@imsh_pl said:

@S0ndor said:

@imsh_pl said:

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Fuck you.

:(

I'm sorry :(

Here, have a kitten.

Posted by thisguyrich

@DrPockets000 said:

Friends are like potatoes.

If you eat them, they die.

AMAZING!

Edited by imsh_pl

I have a couple about dead babies but I don't want to be the only horrible person in this thread so I shall only present them if someone requests them.

Posted by SumDeus

@imsh_pl: HandsomeDead already broke the barrier.

Posted by Tally_Pants

what time is it?

3...

2...

1...

0...

time to get a watch!

Posted by imsh_pl

Alright, here goes:

 
What is the difference between a truck of dead babies and a truck of bowling balls?

 
What is funnier than a dead baby?

 What is the easiest way to place a dead baby in a bowl?

 What is the easiest way to get a dead baby out of a bowl?

 What do you do when you see a dead baby on the seashore?

 
 We're all going to hell.
Posted by A_Dog

My girlfriend left me because of my obsession with oxymorons. Whatever, she was pretty ugly.

Posted by Hizang

Do you want to Banjo my Kazooie?

Posted by CookieMonster

Dear God...

Posted by Shadowjester

I really liked the movie "the Karate Kid" in fact, I'd say, I got a kick out of it!

Edited by LetsRockBaby

My watch was claimed by Satan once. You could say I had a hell of a time getting it back.

Posted by Bribo

My dog's got no nose.

How does he smell?

Terrible!

Posted by Astras

@imsh_pl: LOOOOL, love it.

Posted by BulletproofMonk

Why did an elephant go to a mouse's funeral?

Because the mouse died.

Posted by Still_I_Cry

@Bribo: My favorite one so far.

Posted by dudeglove

How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman?

None.

Posted by thornie_delete

What did the GPS say to the gay driver?

Go straight.

Posted by EuanDewar

Have you seen Stevie Wonder's new album?

Neither as he.

Posted by lord_canti

i have 2

a kid was walking down the street and finds a magic lamp. he rubs it and a genie pops out, the genie says "i can give you one wish of your choosing" to which the kid reply's "i want to be more like batman". so the genie kills his parents

whats brown and sticky.......anal

Posted by ThePickle

What's green and has wheels?

Grass. I lied about the wheels.

Posted by Ghostiet
Posted by imsh_pl
Posted by spilledmilkfactory

This one works a lot better when spoken, not written, but here goes..

I saw a peanut walking down the street today. He was assaulted... peanut.

HAHA! Get it??

Edited by spilledmilkfactory

@imsh_pl: How do you make a dead baby float?

Two scoops of vanilla and one scoop of dead baby

What's black and blue and hates sex?

And now, for the grand finale, possibly the most tasteless joke I've ever heard. What's the difference between a dead baby and an apple?

I don't masturbate on the apple before I eat it
Posted by Quipido
Posted by EuanDewar

What's got four legs and a pig on its back?

A police horse.

Posted by TheOtherSuperMarioBro

What do you call a Pony's cough?

A little hoarse!!!!

Edited by left4doof

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back ?

A stick

Posted by valrog

@ShaolinSpade said:

What does a grape and an elephant have in common?

They're both purple except for the elephant.

Hahahahaha, oh man. Made my day.

Also, here's a good site with awesome jokes. - http://sickipedia.org/

What did the letter O say to Q?

Dude, your dick is hanging out.

Check out the ones about recent events. Hilarious (If you're a bad person).

Also...

Posted by JJOR64

A guy walks into a bar and says "Ow!"

Posted by EkajArmstro

Two fish are swimming down the river. They run into a wall. One turns to the other and says damn.

Why did the Collossus fall over? Because it is imbalanced.

The best thing about UDP jokes is that I don’t care if you get them or not.

  • 110 results
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3