The idiocy of the Star Wars EU
By delta_ass 2 Comments
What I really find odd and perplexing is how they'll take obscure and totally forgettable characters in the movies and then somehow turn them into superheroes in the EU. It's just mindbogglingly stupid. Like... in the first movie, Wedge Antilles is just some nobody pasty faced pilot who manages to survive the trench run. He didn't really seem to do anything extraordinary, it just seemed like dumb luck that he got hit in his engine and his fucking X-Wing didn't disintegrate like all the other ones did when hit. His engine dies, but he manages to survive and gets out of there when the Death Star blows up. That's it. When it happened in the movie, I didn't really make a mental note in my head that this guy survived so that meant he was hot shit or anything.
Okay, now fast forward to the books and video games. Suddenly Wedge Antilles is now the most amazing starfighter pilot in the galaxy and heads up Rogue Squadron, the most amazing and awesome squadron in the known galaxy. They're not just sorta good. They're the best fucking fighter pilots in the entire galaxy! Wedge Antilles is a god among men, and can fly better then anybody. He's a living legend. It don't matter none if you send TIE Defenders or giant super star destroyers up against them, because Wedge Antilles and Rogue Squadron are unbeatable and don't afraid of nothing.
Then we come to the worst and most ridiculous example of this: Boba Fett. Boba Fett is a nothing character that doesn't do jack shit in the movies. Boba Fett follows the Millenium Falcon through a trail of garbage in Slave One. That's not really all that exciting. Most anybody could do that. Sensors on a ship can probably tell the different between an active ship and piles of garbage. Then he gets to Cloud City and calls in Darth Vader. Darth Vader arrives with his legions of stormtroopers and takes them all captive. Darth Vader is the one who confronts Solo and deflects his blaster bolts. Then Vader has Solo frozen in the carbonide chamber thingy. Boba Fett has frozen Solo hauled into his ship, with the memorable line "Put Captain Solo in the cargo hold." Then he takes off and leaves. Wow, what a great character. He followed a ship through garbage and then had a slab put into his cargo hold. Truly, the stuff of legends.
Then in the next movie, he's just standing around in Jabba's castle. And then this happens:
A blind and clumsy Han Solo accidentally hits his jetpack and sends Boba Fett to his death.
Wow. This is uh, this is just pathetic. Who cares about this character? He has about three lines in the entirety of the movie trilogy, and then dies a rather ignominious death. And this is somehow the greatest bounty hunter in the universe? The EU somehow took this jackass and made him one of the deadliest and most feared men in the galaxy? Why? Why is Boba Fett so loved? He's so damn dumb. He doesn't do anything, and then dies when a blind guy flails around and strikes him in the back. This is hilarious, not legendary. The guy's a boob. I just, I just don't see why Boba Fett's such a big fucking deal. Why did the EU books makes him out to be such a badass? Where did any of that come from? They're pulling this stuff out of their ass, cause I sure don't see it in the movies. Fans... I guess fuck the fans, they'll just eat up anything. Cause why would you accept this? Boba Fett even screams like a little sissy girl when he's falling into the Sarlacc. This can't be the deadliest mercenary in the galaxy, can it? Again, that's not even in the movies. Nowhere in the movies is it stated that he's the deadliest merc in the galaxy. At least, not to my knowledge. But yet there's somehow this prestige and mythical quality to Boba Fett. A guy who has Han Solo carried into his cargo hold and then gets thrown into the Sarlacc pit and eaten. Except somehow in the EU, he survives because he's such a badass. Yeah, right. Sure. Sure he survived. Keep telling yourself that. Jesus Christ.
I guess somewhere there's a book that says Salacious Crumb is the galaxy's deadliest court jester.
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