I recently finished Final Fight CD, as always with the ass-kickery machine that is Mike Haggar, and I just love the 90's music that cradles the levels with cool remixes of the original arcade soundtrack. I noticed, however, Poison.

Poison is, as many people with twiggy sexual security have known, a transexual (pre-op in Japan, post-op everywhere else). Those ivory-smooth legs, suculent round breasts and mass of spectacular purple hair only serve to drive attention from the insidious bulge that Haggar must have surely witnessed while piledriving the gracious Mad Gear member. Axl, Two P., Bred or Damnd must have been doing it in the dark with Poison, or maybe they didn't care. I won't delve on it further.

Not having seen any fanart before even considering touching myself to the sexy sprite, I discovered the horrible truth. I escaped that trap but not the other, albeit more psychological damaging, that was due to befall me. The Japanese are interesting people when it concerns to their rather blatant perversion.

Birdo.

Super Mario Bros. 2 was a game of my childhood, sure, Birdo was a bitch sometimes but it was an innovative boss compared to Bowser. Later on she appeared on Mario Kart Double Dash!! alongside Yoshi, who is my favourite Nintendo character. "A cute couple!" I thought, unversed of the disturbing facts that Nintendo bestowed upon the playing manual of SMB2 like an euphemism of a fairytale that conceals the twisted secluded truth. Birdo is male. Yoshi is male too. They're together. My childhood memories. Shattered.
 
Thanks Nintendo, for your 256KB of beguiling venom.












I think Roxy's female though. Maybe I'd hit it.