Ryan's passing hit me hard: I'll hit my future harder.

Right now is a weird time for me. I'm currently at sixth form studying my A levels (for those outside the UK, that's usually ages 16-18) and due to many health issues, that I'm not going into, I wasn't able to complete my GCSE's at the same time as everyone else as so am having to do my A levels over 3 years. I'm at the end of my 2nd year now (my last day of this school year is Friday) which means most of the people the same age as me are leaving (technically they finished weeks ago). So I'm in an awkward transition. I've watched my friends go through University applications and life decisions while at the same time being in classes with those a year younger who hadn't yet become used to the idea of being outside of forced education and moving onto their own specialised interests. I've been stuck in the middle watching my closest friends grow more distant and start facing up to real life while watching others go through realising they can't just coax through any more.

I just said goodbye to some of my closest friends and am having to face up to watching another group of people go through the same wake-up-call. Let's just say, I wasn't in the emotional state to really deal with the shock of Ryan's death announced earlier this week.

But that's just it: I can't stop it affecting me, so I'm going to make sure it's positive. From this moment on, I'm going to focus on the things that I'm interested in and want to possibly pursue. Currently they lie in four fields: Politics, Scientific Experimentation, Music and Art and Video Game Design. I want to figure out where I fit in them, and hopefully I find something that I fit so perfectly in as Ryan did to journalism.

He's been a big role model to me, along with the rest of the Giantbomb crew. No one ever fully understands their life and where they stand. But of everyone, these guys seem the closest to have done that. So damn close. They might not be able to see it, but having such a balanced view on serious topics as well as truly dumb shit is a rare trait to have.

Rest in peace Ryan.

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