By DocHaus 10 Comments
Endure This! Run! Part 13: Indiana Sykes, Raider of the Lost Temple of Doom
Rush got swindled by a mage, then made up the difference by helping Baron Nielsen reclaim his escaped fiance. Unfortunately, the game gave me a not-so-subtle reminder to get back to the story when I tried to follow-up with the runaway bride, so back to Elysion we go!
Waaaaaait a minute...that Mage-Like Girl looks familiar again.
Rush claims to have refused, but later found 1500G missing and some bombs, a disposable cell phone and a map labelled "Embassy Row" with several X's on it shoved in his backpack instead. He totally had no idea how those things got there. David is starting to regret letting him hold the Official Backpack of Athlum.
So to recap: After the whole kerfuffle over the Ark, David heard that Rush's dad might be located in the Temple, so to the Temple we go!
After careful negotiating, Rush and co. gain entry.
TO THE CATACOMBS! Another dungeon/battlefield level right in the heart of Elysion that you can visit whenever you feel like...or have to for a sidequest...or if there's an item you missed...look, just get in there.
Despite the doorman letting us in with little pause, the residents of these catacombs seem to have missed the memo.
These catacombs are apparently home to a bunch of "Albic Qsiti" that decided the evil Albino from the DaVinci Code was a good role model. These guys aren't that hard to handle, but they are annoying and they will stab you with their knives. What they lack in size, they make up for in devotion, confidence, and the Bindbreath technique.
An area-of-effect attack that can also "Black Out" members of your team, interrupting their attack or defense if they are still in the fight. Though annoying, it isn't really that bad compared to other status effects (unless your turn is still happening, in which case, FUCK THOSE GUYS).
Emma: I swear to the Based Remnant God, Rush, that your father better have the Holy Grail when we find him.
Rush: What was that? I think a bug is gnawing on my leg!
Emma: Oh for the love of--
Okay, so the Qsiti can spring traps now. That's thinking a step ahead.
Too bad we still wreck the shit out of them.
Mr. Diggs has been gettin busy lately, getting himself all these perks so he can get me my minerals. And I wants my minerals.
Fuck these giant-ass butterflies and their palette-swapped cousins with their giant slap maneuver that somehow functions as an AoE attack just fuck them all with their pollen-spreading wings FUCK THEM.
Look, I'm not going to ask why you need the meat from a butterfly, but please don't snort that dust. You don't know where it's been, man!
Wow, Solid Snake was a goddamn pussy. Who needs gas masks or gas-dispelling magic? Just march on through that shit!
Also if I ever write "Solid Snake was a goddamn pussy" unironically, you (the reader) have the permission to slap the taste out of my mouth until I repent
Anyways...after slaughtering yet more albic qsiti and other annoying wildlife that has slithered into these catacombs, we finally reach the door to the research lab.
What might that bright light be?
Mr. Sykes is watching the latest episode of Ore no Imōto ga Konna ni Kawaii Wake ga Nai in his dark room.
He quickly switches it to a family picture upon hearing people approach.
John Sykes: Holy crap! Uh, Rush? What are you doing here?
Rush: Me? How did you get in here without having to fight all those midget albino frog-people and giant bugs? I mean, seriously?
John: [ignoring him] You, you're the Marquis of Athlum!
David: I heard you have something for us?
John: Oh yeah, just got this thing, let me open up the box...
John: This...is what Irina's kidnappers are after. It has the power to pull Remnants into...a deep slumber. Your mom developed it.
Rush: Mom? Where is she?
John: Trying to lure away that white mage with the false promise of an open mic and free booze.
Rush: Are you serious?
John: Trust me, with this thing on our side, as long as it doesn't conveniently fall into enemy hands through some contrived plot device, we'll be able to get Irina back easily.
Torgal: Look, let's get back to the embassy now. We can talk about the context of this situation later.
For those of you who played Final Fantasy 2/4: you remember the times where your party would fight their way to a magic crystal only to inevitably clear the path for the bad guy to snatch it away from them while they just stood there slack-jawed and watched? Well, just keep watching...
John Sykes spontaneously catches on fire, yet seems strangely non-chalant about it after the first few seconds.
Wagram: Your wife lied to me John! Not only was there no open mic, but they charged 10G for a tall glass. 10. Gees. Now you will be paying that back, one way or another.
Rush: You just lit my dad on fire! What the hell?
Wagram: Well, if he didn't want to be a test subject for my next routine, maybe he shouldn't have tricked me!
Rush: How is spontaneously bursting into flames supposed to be funny?
Wagram: It isn't?
Emma: No Rush, he may be an awful comedian, but don't throw that at him! We all risked our lives to get that tablet!
Rush: Wait, what?
Rush has little time to contemplate it before the Flaming Dad smacks it out of Rush's hand.
Wagram: Aha! Proof of my first official heckling! I'll be sure to use this tablet as a stepping stone on my path to stardom!
Rush: Wait, we actually need that!
Wagram: No backsies.
Well, so much for all that work. Rush's dad is unconscious and we lost the one thing he was working on that could have helped us save Irina and/or the world. All we have to show for it are a slew of dead albino midgets and giant bugs. GG, Rush.
One convenient teleport to the Athlumian Embassy later...
Rush: So how's my dad?
Pagus: Well, he's not dead. Apparently fire doesn't actually kill people anymore, but he's in a bit of shock from listening to Wagram's bad jokes.
David: Much as I hate to say it, we'll need to find Wagram if we want to find Irina and that tablet...but what did he mean about Ms. Sykes distracting him?
Emma: I might have an idea about where Rush's mother is.
Torgal: You're telling us this now.
Emma: Yes. I would like to travel there alone with Rush.
David: Well, it's clear I have no say in the matter. Be safe.
Torgal: But...you're the Marqui--
David: *AHEM* OH GEE IT'S A SHAME I CAN'T DO ANYTHING HERE! Have fun, you two.
Next Time on Endure This! Run!
- Mining for Mommy