Yeah this is the same situation for me too. I won't try and suggest I am going trough the kind of pain or emotions his friends and family must be going through right now, but damn, I've heard Ryan or seen him in videos for pretty much every day, for the past 5 years or so. The countless times he has said things that have made me laugh over the years have stuck with me so in many ways. So even though I never knew him personally I feel I know him in some other way. The fact that he's no longer with us just feels so strange and wrong, and my mind can't really accept it yet.
The outpouring from this community and other sites over this has been amazing.
A lot of people say offensive things in moments of frustation, common sense tells us that Ryan didn't even mean to say it at the time, and now he's written an apology so anyone that doubted it should know for certain now that he is sorry.