By DrivingBj 3 Comments
What can I say about Naughty Bear? I can say that it is a Xbox 360 video game. I cannot say that it tastes like pineapple.
Now that the stupidest three sentences ever written are over, I can move onto Naughty Bear. In this game you take control of Naughty Bear, a bear suffering from self-esteem issues. Thanks to lifelong issues like increasingly odorous arm pits and violent diarrhea, Naughty has been shunned by the other bears of...that one...the island of...that place in the game. I'll level with you, I don't remember the island name. I also don't remember where I left my Driver's License this morning, but that didn't stop me from driving. Use the same logic with this game.
Anyway, Naughty strikes back the way any well adjusted individual does; he participates in active dialogue with the other bears, detailing how they hurt his feelings and seeking to find a middle ground. Game quests include finding a sharing stick that allows for a single bear to speak in the "sharing circle," writing formal apologies, and creating mini-games that promote trust among the bears.
After that tutorial, the game really picks up by allowing Naughty to fight back against robots, alien invaders and "zombears." Unfortunately for Naughty, all of his trust-building exercises are useless once the enemies of the game begin using mind control on his friends. Naughty is then forced to kill his friends, each more heartbreaking than the last. The developers emphasized realism during these action sequences by allowing the player to build a mausoleum to honor departed friends. Seeing my dead bear friends, filled me with a kind of rage that only Sylvester Stallone can express.
However heartbreaking, the game is more repetitive than...something really repetitive. I'm ending this thing before my writing skills get any worse. In fact, Sylvester Stallone in this video says what happened to my writing abilities.
Final Grade: 2.777777777 stars out of 5.