By Enigma777 47 Comments
Who the fuck designed this thing? And why is he still employed?! Because if I did such a half-baked job on any of my projects I would be shitcanned before I had the chance to blink.
So I turn on this little abomination on again because I have an LBP Vita beta code, so I figured why not check it out. Might as well use the damn thing for something other than an ornamental piece for the top of my dresser.
But why make it easy? No. It's like it's doing it on purpose. Like the only reason for it's existence is to aggravate me. Because I guess I wasn't regretting my purchase enough, so how about we cement it into a rock-hard conviction, guys!
Anyways, I boot up the PSN store (8 seconds) and wait while everything fucking loads (5 seconds) and before I redeem the damn code, I see an E3 logo. The fool that I am, I tap on it and I'm greeted by a bunch of E3 vids. One catches my eye, shamelessly named "E3 Vita Sizzle Trailer" so I download the damn thing (4.5 minutes).
Ok, so it's finally done and I'm trying to figure out where to go to watch it. I tap the name on the Download list and I'm actually shocked that it boots up the video app. I mean shocked! The Vita don't look too kindly on usability. Oh no sir. Why make things simple and intuitive when we can make the user suffer and plod through shitty menu screen after shitty menu screen. Like I said, I'm fucking shocked here! But that warm feeling in my gut swiftly disappears while I'm forced to wait 14 fucking seconds while the video app loads and connects. WHAT THE FUCK IS IT EVEN CONNECTING TO?!
But I'm in. It's over. I'm watching the trailer. All 4 minutes of it. And do you know how many original Vita games showed up during that time? THREE! Motherfucking three! Gravity Rush, Resistance (lol) and AC Liberation. Everything else? PORTS PORTS PORTS! Ports out the ass! You like ports? Cause we've got ports! MGS ports. Street Fighter ports. Jet Set Radio ports. Sly Cooper ports. All-Stars ports. PS Vita: the industry leader in ports!
At this point I'm ready to set this thing on fire. But then a notification pops up saying that the LBP beta has finished downloading. But. Yes there is always a but. But in order to install it (?!?) I need to delete something else from my system because I don't have enough space. So I look through my card and I settle on SSHD. And I delete it.
Here comes the best part.
Apparently Vita saves are bundled within the actual game files. Because why not! So when you delete a game, you are also deleting that save file. But the Vita, in all it's kindness and splendor, decides not to share that information with you at that time. Because fuck you! So I just ended up deleting my save file. 18 hours lost. For no reason. Poof.
It feels like every single time I turn it on, I find something new to hate about it.
Don't make the same mistake. Don't buy a Vita.