Hi everyone.

So I didn't think I'd end up writing anything up about the Ryan tragedy recently. I've been avoiding using the site a lot more in general nowadays, due to personal reasons. If you know me on this site, you'll know that I've been around for a while, and love me or hate me, I've been here since the site started. Like I mentioned earlier, I didn't think the Ryan thing would affect me, but it's actually turned into an unusual situation. When I first saw the news, I couldn't wrap my head around it. I thought, like many people, that this was some kind of sick joke, as I've come to expect from people like Ryan. But as the hours rolled on, I began to realise that this was a thing that was real, and I got very upset, very quickly. I wasn't like some people, who took days off work, or cried, or whatever, but I was very affected by Ryans passing. I'll try to elaborate why I was so upset:

Ever since the site started, I fell in love with the guys. I found Jeff to be wholly unlikeable at first, which, looking back on, I wonder how I ever imagined that. Must have been my age at the time. Nevertheless, like many of you, I found a lot of solace in the solidarity that seemed to exude from all the personalities on GB. I found comfort knowing that I could come home at night, after a bad day at university, and just chill out listening to the bombcast, or watching new QL's, or just....soaking the website in. I'm not embarassed to admit that I found out about GB in a difficult period in my life. I was dealing with some very severe depression issues at university, and knowing that I had a "home" as it were, was a very big anchor in a sea of overwhelming anxiety. I began to really identify with all the guys here, most of all Ryan, as his disgustingly foul humour was so...fresh and honest, that I instantly warmed to him, all the way up to his recent passing.

In the end, I'm happy that he was surrounded by the people he loved in the last few days of his life. Seeing the pictures from his wedding just personify who he was. A larger than life character, whos genuine passion, love for life and all in all bombastic personality will leave a big hole in a lot of peoples hearts, especially mine.

Godspeed, you magnificent bastard.