I feel like I'm just losing my motivation. Even though I usually try to keep an upbeat attitude. I can't seem to really fix some issues going on in my life. At the sametime I don't really know what to do with my life. I remember way back when I was younger I had thoughts about going to college and becoming a firefighter or video game designer, but after some events that took place when I was a teen I fucked that chance up.

Ever since that stupid choice I made I've felt miserably. Nowadays, its gotten worse and worse to the point its effecting me. I've been slacking off with my workouts and gained some weight back, can't seem to stay focus on my job, and I don't seem to be good at expressing myself. Some people at my job thinks I'm too quiet and that I seem angry and not happy. Though I do try to lighten up I don't even know what to say alot of the times.

On top of that I had some friends that almost got me killed in the past, and friends that did some fucked up things to me. It can be hard for me to really trust people or want to get to know them. Anyway, I guess when I was hearing about how some of my co-workers was in college. I started wondering to myself ''If only I've made the rights choices when I was younger, I would have been in college by now working towards a career''