Come September of 2010(probably), Bungie will release Halo: Reach for the millions of Halo fans.  With this Microsoft will finally be free of the burden of restraint that Bungie has bullied onto them when it comes to the franchise that made Xbox.  The shackles will be taken off and the monster will be let loose.  No longer will we have to wonder what crazy shenanigans Master Chief is really intended to do,  pump cash into Microsoft’s greasy hands.  It’ll be like free money.  Sure there will be overhead from developing the dizzying array of tie-ins and schwag but, really, who’s gonna care. 

Attempts at extending the brand have been in effect for years now with the novels, comics, cd’s and different types of games with Halo Wars.  While this sounds like a lot all of these products were still (to an extent)meant to meaningfully expand on the fiction.   A spartan made its into DOA 4 and that was clearly a warning sign.  Soon there will be an anime, someday a movie, and more games that look less and less like what the first game was.  Bungie has been able to keep busy, forcing Microsoft to keep things in check so far, everything has at the very least been something you could entertain yourself with.  That’s already beginning to change.  Mark Ecko is coming out with some ugly t-shirts.   And in an effort to prove synergy is always awesome, Halo waypoint is going to give you everything you need to know about Halo, where to buy it, when to buy, and how to buy it, all in one convenient on-line destination.  All this before Bungie is even, completely, gone.

I, for one, can’t wait to see Halo vs. Sonic at the X Games sponsored by The Dew.  The Arbitor will go for the gold in skateboarding and Rally racing against his new arch nemesis, Tails.  The prophet of Regret will face off against Dr. Robotnik in floaty chair street luge.  More and more games with less and less effort and care going into them.  On the bright side, we’re just a few years away from the inevitable and glorious reboot of Halo.  Remember last year when EA said they were going to change how they were handling the Need for Speed series.  Remember how they immediately announced four different games in the series.  Soon you’ll remember great games like; Halo 8, Halo: Black(by Criterion, don’t ask how), Halo Stealth and Halo: Spartan Jump rope.  This is how things work and it’s what makes America great.  Whenever bullies, like Bungie, step out of the way of progress we all succeed.  Poor Microsoft has been sitting on their hands and twiddling their thumbs for the day that Bungie packs their crap and leaves Halo behind.  And Master Chief and Cortana are gonna get married and have holographic cybernetic seven foot tall space marine babies, and they’re going to fight Army Men.  Hallelujah.     
 
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You guessed right kids, it’s Madonna’s arms.   You may be wondering how Valve was able to license the arms of someone so famous?  But I think it’s safe to say all parties involved know that there’s nothing scarier than what this chick is packing.  It will be interesting to see how they will be used in the game and what exactly will their attacks be like.  Will they even attack you at all?  Just getting close enough to creep you out could give the horde the advantage it needs.  Think about it.  If these monsters were to get near you, would you be able to concentrate at the task at hand?  I sure as hell couldn’t.  I’d stop doing everything I was supposed to because I would be very nervous and frightened.  They’re like Cousin It’s gross cousin that he won’t associate with because they’re too weird and disgusting. 

Perhaps they’ll be like the flood from Halo.  You know, the enemy that your enemy fears.   Tanks and Boomers are no match for these things.  How could Madonna’s arms be afraid of something that vomits if they’re the things causing the vomiting.  How will a Tank be able to strike them?  No Tank will want to touch them.  What happens if you touch them?  What if you caught what they have?  No one, humans and infected alike, wants a raging case of Madonna arms.

So, I say, lets end this boycott now!  It’s obvious that Valve isn’t bringing us a quick cash-in sequel.  This isn’t something they could have offered as DLC.  If they were to send these to your 360 or PC, it could cause crashes and freezing and explosions.  Keeping it on a disc is the safest way of giving us old fashioned scares.

So now I”m even more anxious get my hands on L4D2.  This could be the first truly truly scary video game.  We'll know for sure November 17th.

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Turns out that Modern Warfare 2 is a pretty dumb name for a video game.  It’s actually a bad name for pretty much anything.  When it was revealed that it would say Call of Duty on the box inerest in the product skyrocketed.  Now I’m not one to normally criticize others for giving something generic boring titles but, Modern Warfare 2 is a boring and generic title.  It sounds more like a description for a show on the military channel.  When was the last time you watched the military channel?  Probably never.  Because it’s boring.  They might as well have called it, “Shooting Guns 2: The Sequel to Shooting Guns”.  Modern Warfare works only as a subtitle because people expect subtitles to describe what the product is to a certain extent.  Just look at Call of Duty: World at War.  If it were just called “World at War” no one would ever want to play it.   What on Earth has propelled Infinity Ward to simply call it Modern Warfare 2.  There should be no controversy about this.  Since it’s now on the regular edition’s box you can call it what it is, a Call of Duty game.  Quit being all pissy because Activision lets another team work on games called Call of Duty.  There are enough people who realize that if the box doesn’t have the Infinity Ward logo on it that it’s not as good as a Call of Duty game can be.  Hell, calling it Call of Duty 6: Modern Warfare 2 would be better than just Modern Warfare 2.


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As you probably already know,  Call of Duty Modern Warfare 2 is following the trend of having multiple retail sku’s when it’s released this November.  However with it’s release it has raised the bar on ridiculous crap to be included with its Prestige Edition.  It even trumps “Halo 3 Spartan Helmet Edition”.  This will be the first, and hopefully not last, game to come bundled with fully functional night vision goggles.  While there is no need or practical reason for me to purchase this particular edition of the game and the fact that asking $150 is too much to purchase the game, I will still be purchasing the Prestige Edition.  No one buying a video game needs a pair of working night vision goggles along with their purchase.  It’s unneccessary and dumb.  But that isn’t going to stop me.  I’m gonna walk around in the dark with my Infinity Ward branded night vision goggles and not bump into anything.  I don’t even have any reason for night vision goggles.  If I wanted I could even get a better less expensive pair.  However I’m an idiot and I’m just fine with that.  Also you get a voucher to download the very first Call of Duty and that’s rad.

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