The Hardcore Adventures of Jonty Bastardson - Part 2

(A couple of days ago I decided to restart Fallout: New Vegas, play it in Hardcore mode and be as evil as possible while writing down my experiences. The task set has been very enjoyable although I think I may have reached the boundary of just how evil you can be in New Vegas. It's proving to be quite a good writing exercise for me so I'm planning on keeping it up for the foreseeable future. Oh, and there are spoilers in here so if you haven't played the game but plan to, you might want to give this a miss. Part One is here if you wish to catch-up. I hope you enjoy it.)

Day 2 – Don't drop the soap

The next morning I awake at 7.30am and refresh myself with a bottle of water. What is the ideal waking time for wannabe tyrants? Nice and early to maximise the amount of daylight that illuminates their evil deeds? A truly evil bugger would do away with the 24-hour clock altogether and dictate that it's whatever time he decides it is. I hereby declare that the time is 69:69 on Titsday the 50 I notice Sunny Smiles' headless corpse baking in the sun so steal her leather armour before it rots away with her. I look at her almost-naked form and get...ideas. Foiled again! Damn you, Obsidian's moral compass! She wouldn't say no! Oh well. Maybe gaming isn't ready for corpse love quite yet.

Armoured up and with a backpack full of supplies, I make my way to the NCR Correctional Facility (NCRCF). On the way I meet a few Powder Gangers who treat me with cautious reverence. I shall allow them to live for now. I arrive at the NCRCF but, unlike the image we all have of men's prisons, it's disappointingly lacking in Pruno and bum rape. I'm greeted by Dawes, an obnoxious little pissant who fleeces me for 100 caps just to allow me into the facility while simultaneously managing to knock Joe Cobb off the top of my death-list. I walk in, ask around and discover the leader is a guy named Eddie. I find him in the main building and he greets me by threatening to kill me. I take his mission, get another sheet of paper for my death list and head South to kill some rebellious nobody named Chavez.

Chavez is a runaway rebel trying to start a revolution against the Powder Gangers. He's managed to get as far away from the NCRCF as the corner shop is from where I'm sat right now (50 metres?) and his army consist of two guys, one in dungarees. Che Guevara he is not. I kill them all with consummate ease. As missions go, it's a disappointment. Eddie is surprisingly polite when I tell him of Chavez's passing. Still a dead man walking but a polite one at least. He asks me to shake down a shifty-looking merchant and, if necessary, kill him. Regardless of necessity, he will die. When I meet him, it turns out that he is actually a bounty hunter looking for Powder Gangers. Detecting a possible business opportunity, I ask what the bounty for Powder Gangers actually is. Turns out that there isn't one so I do him in.

On the way back to the NCRCF I take a neat little shortcut that transpires to be a minefield. Quicker than you can say 'what's that beeping?', my right leg is crippled. Thankfully a doctor is just round the corner but I have newfound respect for the work of Lady Diana: The Princess of Hearts. Eddie is delighted with my work and the look of joy on his face almost makes me regret that I secretly intend to kill him. He sends me over to Primm to investigate the NCR's behaviour and report back. It's dark now so I toy with the idea of getting some rest but decide that evil deeds take precedence over beauty sleep.

I get the NCR camp outside Primm and speak to Lieutenant Hayes. When I ask about his plans for attacking the Correctional facility he reveals that such information would be classified. I snoop around Primm for a bit for more intel. On entering the Vikki and Vance Casino I get a warm greeting from an elderly gentleman named Johnson Nash. He informs me that the NCR are planning an assault on the NCRCF in a few days. I'm given two options. Report to Eddie or join Lieutenant Hayes and recapture the facility. Betrayal sounds very tempting but these NCR chumps seem a bit too goody chooses for a hot, malevolent tamale like me. Besides, I can always come back and kill Eddie when the Powder Gangers are of no further use.

On my way back to the NCRCF, I'm accosted by Malcolm Holmes who has a bit of an erection over Sunset Sarsaparilla bottle caps. I kill him because his cap reminds me of Stoke City's manager, Tony Pulis'. Football/Soccer fans understand this sentiment completely.

Tony Pulis - The man with a face even his mother could punch. Also: amphibian

I arrive at the NCRCF and as soon as I tell Eddie of the NCR's plans, they attack. Eddie is happy for me to run off but that's not my style. I'm always up for a fight. Millions of NCR Troopers appear and I die immediately.

I arrive at the NCRCF and as soon as I tell Eddie of the NCR's plans, they attack. Eddie is happy for me to run off so that's exactly what I do. I picked up some missions in Primm that I need to go through with and I might have left the gas on the stove so...erm...yeah, I have to make a move.

First though, I need to find a bed so return to Goodsprings. It's 3 am so I crash out on Ringo's sweaty mattress once again. I drift off livid about Eddie and Dawes being killed by the NCR and not by my own sexy hands. Worse still, I need to find a proper bed. I bet Pol Pot didn't have to put with this shit.

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Posted by gamma_male

(A couple of days ago I decided to restart Fallout: New Vegas, play it in Hardcore mode and be as evil as possible while writing down my experiences. The task set has been very enjoyable although I think I may have reached the boundary of just how evil you can be in New Vegas. It's proving to be quite a good writing exercise for me so I'm planning on keeping it up for the foreseeable future. Oh, and there are spoilers in here so if you haven't played the game but plan to, you might want to give this a miss. Part One is here if you wish to catch-up. I hope you enjoy it.)

Day 2 – Don't drop the soap

The next morning I awake at 7.30am and refresh myself with a bottle of water. What is the ideal waking time for wannabe tyrants? Nice and early to maximise the amount of daylight that illuminates their evil deeds? A truly evil bugger would do away with the 24-hour clock altogether and dictate that it's whatever time he decides it is. I hereby declare that the time is 69:69 on Titsday the 50 I notice Sunny Smiles' headless corpse baking in the sun so steal her leather armour before it rots away with her. I look at her almost-naked form and get...ideas. Foiled again! Damn you, Obsidian's moral compass! She wouldn't say no! Oh well. Maybe gaming isn't ready for corpse love quite yet.

Armoured up and with a backpack full of supplies, I make my way to the NCR Correctional Facility (NCRCF). On the way I meet a few Powder Gangers who treat me with cautious reverence. I shall allow them to live for now. I arrive at the NCRCF but, unlike the image we all have of men's prisons, it's disappointingly lacking in Pruno and bum rape. I'm greeted by Dawes, an obnoxious little pissant who fleeces me for 100 caps just to allow me into the facility while simultaneously managing to knock Joe Cobb off the top of my death-list. I walk in, ask around and discover the leader is a guy named Eddie. I find him in the main building and he greets me by threatening to kill me. I take his mission, get another sheet of paper for my death list and head South to kill some rebellious nobody named Chavez.

Chavez is a runaway rebel trying to start a revolution against the Powder Gangers. He's managed to get as far away from the NCRCF as the corner shop is from where I'm sat right now (50 metres?) and his army consist of two guys, one in dungarees. Che Guevara he is not. I kill them all with consummate ease. As missions go, it's a disappointment. Eddie is surprisingly polite when I tell him of Chavez's passing. Still a dead man walking but a polite one at least. He asks me to shake down a shifty-looking merchant and, if necessary, kill him. Regardless of necessity, he will die. When I meet him, it turns out that he is actually a bounty hunter looking for Powder Gangers. Detecting a possible business opportunity, I ask what the bounty for Powder Gangers actually is. Turns out that there isn't one so I do him in.

On the way back to the NCRCF I take a neat little shortcut that transpires to be a minefield. Quicker than you can say 'what's that beeping?', my right leg is crippled. Thankfully a doctor is just round the corner but I have newfound respect for the work of Lady Diana: The Princess of Hearts. Eddie is delighted with my work and the look of joy on his face almost makes me regret that I secretly intend to kill him. He sends me over to Primm to investigate the NCR's behaviour and report back. It's dark now so I toy with the idea of getting some rest but decide that evil deeds take precedence over beauty sleep.

I get the NCR camp outside Primm and speak to Lieutenant Hayes. When I ask about his plans for attacking the Correctional facility he reveals that such information would be classified. I snoop around Primm for a bit for more intel. On entering the Vikki and Vance Casino I get a warm greeting from an elderly gentleman named Johnson Nash. He informs me that the NCR are planning an assault on the NCRCF in a few days. I'm given two options. Report to Eddie or join Lieutenant Hayes and recapture the facility. Betrayal sounds very tempting but these NCR chumps seem a bit too goody chooses for a hot, malevolent tamale like me. Besides, I can always come back and kill Eddie when the Powder Gangers are of no further use.

On my way back to the NCRCF, I'm accosted by Malcolm Holmes who has a bit of an erection over Sunset Sarsaparilla bottle caps. I kill him because his cap reminds me of Stoke City's manager, Tony Pulis'. Football/Soccer fans understand this sentiment completely.

Tony Pulis - The man with a face even his mother could punch. Also: amphibian

I arrive at the NCRCF and as soon as I tell Eddie of the NCR's plans, they attack. Eddie is happy for me to run off but that's not my style. I'm always up for a fight. Millions of NCR Troopers appear and I die immediately.

I arrive at the NCRCF and as soon as I tell Eddie of the NCR's plans, they attack. Eddie is happy for me to run off so that's exactly what I do. I picked up some missions in Primm that I need to go through with and I might have left the gas on the stove so...erm...yeah, I have to make a move.

First though, I need to find a bed so return to Goodsprings. It's 3 am so I crash out on Ringo's sweaty mattress once again. I drift off livid about Eddie and Dawes being killed by the NCR and not by my own sexy hands. Worse still, I need to find a proper bed. I bet Pol Pot didn't have to put with this shit.