By GlenTennis 41 Comments
(Prolouge: I ran out of letters in the title so I made a portmanteau) .
(Prolouge part 2: I'm drunk, but I can still be cohearent while I'm drunk, for fucks sake I just used the word portmanteau.).
Mystical Ninja Starring Goemon is the best video game for the N64 that you never played.
And the following list is of 5 reasons that support my point.
1) It's Zelda. No seriously, it's pretty much Ocarina of Time. It's a large open world connected by dungeons. In these dungeons you have to find silver (small) keys and eventually get the gold (master) key to fight a boss. There are items that give you a map and show you where the boss is on that map. There are lucky cats, and if you get four lucky cats you get an additional heart. The gameplay is different (you can jump and switch between four different dudes) but still fun with all the OoT trimmings.
2) It's funny. The game has a lot of obscure, Japanese humor that I don't get. But you might. But it also has a lot of humor that is universal, like some occasional fourth-wall stuff (characters asking the narrator what to do) and even the plot is bizzare and funny. You have to stop a theatre troupe from outer space from turning Japan into a giant stage for a play for them to perform on. Also lots of references, like this one.
3) It oozes personality. If the plot doesn't strike you ass crazy-ass-Japanese enough, then other stuff in this game will. Maybe it's because I have the biggest gamer-boner for Suda 51, but I love games with personality more than anything, and this game has it in spades. Your party is a rejected ninja, a creepy, lecherous pig-man, a kids toy robot, and a sexy ninja lady.
4) Giant Robot Battles. This happens about an hour in the game without any context. Because fuck context.
(Don't worry, the game isn't Japanese only, this is simply the best version of the video.)
5) It still holds up today. It's a platforming beat-em-up Zelda hybrid. If you don't care that a game looks kinda shitty, you can still play it today. I played it and beat it just yesterday, and I still had fun with it. Give it a chance, or I won't be your friend.