Programmers are vampires.

  I'll give you just one or two minutes to digest this monumental piece of information, but it is, unfortunately true. They're not vampires like you would ordinarily imagine, though... Oh no, they have developed a slight resistance to sunlight.
 
  Unfortunately for them, however, and all those they've infected with their bite, it is Summer. And in this season of Summer (which is referred to by the Bitten as "the Hellmonths") the sun shines with more furiosity in the sky... And when any of these unsuspecting vampires walk into the open, thinking they're going to be safe... POOF! They are combusted by the Sun's increased intensity, reducing an ordinary developer's team by over 80% in the space of the first 4 days.

  Now, since not everyone in the world is a vampire, the head honchos of these developers can't just go round biting random people to make them join their Dark Allegience to make mediocre game after mediocre game... Which is why they go round biting the necks of the retired programmers. These old programmers, however, are blissfully unaware of how the course of gaming has changed, and how the world has moved on from the days of WWII first person shooters, and mind-numbing puzzles...

  And this is why, my friends, there are a stream of mediocre games on the horizon, such as Movie Tie-In 89, Sequel-To-Run-Into-The-Ground-Franchise 34, and, the furiously un-hyped Generic-Card-Game-With-Pretty-Colours 77.

  But we can defeat them, comrades. For they are weak to the one thing that we are the strongest at. Sheer indifference. See, what these companies do, is send their minions into the internet forums, and boards, and attempt to stir up fanboyism for their games... And they feed on this, as it is almost as necessary for their survival as the blood of the strong programmers that they drink.
  You heard me right, there. They kill the good programmers. For the believe that in their blood is the key to good programming for games. Which is wrong, of course, as you can tell by the quality of the games these companies create (remember Hour Of Victory? Yeah, they did that. Totally. Completely them.).

  But through our indifference and ignorance, we can force them to take the shadows once more, forcing them underground, to make games for the Gizmondo, and the N-Gage. Where these blood-sucking publishers belong.

 To The Reistance!