Album Review: Ordo Ad Chao by Mayhem

Hey guys, remember how much I hated Mayhem last year? How I kept bringing up Dawn of the Black Hearts and how much it disturbed me? Well, I still think that album's a horrible creation, but my viewpoints regarding Mayhem (and black metal in general) have changed completely. Now, I enjoy listening to Mayhem. Hell, any of it: Messiah, Maniac, Dead, Attila: I don't give a fuck about the differences. Anyway, I decided to finally get Mayhem's latest work, Ordo Ad Chao, today on itunes. Since it has made such an extreme impression with just one listen, I think it's time for me to do another review. 
The eight-track, 40 minute hellride begins with the haunting intro A Wise Birthgiver. The instant the album gets going, the instant you realize what you're in for. The drums, guitar and bass all create a disturbing atmosphere in which Attila's demonic vocals create a world of darkness. The deliberately lo-fi recording, mastering, producing, etc., exacerbates this vibe which, unsuprisingly, continues throughout the whole album. Other than this basic information, there's not much else to say. If you know of Blasphemer, Hellhammer, and Attila's past works, you already know the quality of the musicianship is superb. 
Now, what exactly makes this album so memorable, habster? Well, just listen to the album all the way through (don't cheat yourself and just listen to a track or two) and tell me why. What's that? You're too fucking lazy to do so. Fine, I'll tell you how it pulls it off. Through multiple guitar layers and more demon-possessed screams than actual lyrics, Mayhem created the most horrifying music experience I've ever had the pleasure of hearing. Now, I listen to lots and lots of extreme metal, and none of Mayhem's old work brings terror to me, but this album's different. It's so fucking disturbing, and I just love it. I can't explain why or how it's haunting; just... listen to the album already.
The Good: Everything

The Bad: If you're easily disturbed, this album will probably make you shit your pants 
5/5 stars
Even though you really should just listen to the album all the way through, I'll still give the Giant Bomb community one track from the album. Enjoy: 

  P.S. Yes, I intentionally wrote this review in a semi-sophomoric manner. Why expect any seriousness from a person like me? Whatevs. I love you. You're very attractive.


Motorhead- 1916: One-Word Review

Verdict: Fuck-awesome!
5 out of 5 stars 
P.S. I know I'm cheating by combining two words, but come on! Also, if you're going to say that I used far more than a single word in my review, you're not the first person to make the stupid comment! Only "fuck-awesome" counts!


The Best Games Of:

Ok, this list should make sense to you: I pick my favorite video games from each year, starting with 2000. Also, I'm not including any titles I haven't played before. Alright, here we go: 

Spyro: Year of the Dragon 
A brilliant platformer that kept me entertained ALL the time back then. Probably my favorite of the three. 
Halo: Combat Evolved
I must admit I haven't played this game a lot, but when I do, I must say that it's a blast!

Timesplitters 2/ Kingdom Hearts 
Great shooter that I wish I got to play more/ Action RPG that I almost got addicted to for a while.
Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time 
A fantastic action platformer that only hits a snag in combat. 

Ratchet and Clank: Up Your Arsenal/ Metroid: Zero Mission
The best R&C on the PS2, maybe even the best period/ What do I have to say about this one? 2D Metroid FTW!

Resident Evil 4/ Star Wars: Battlefront 2  
A thrilling title that only had one flaw: Not being able to move while attacking/ The shooter that occupied me more than any other, this was a thing of beauty (Even if I'm not a big Star Wars fan!) 
KIngdom Hearts II 
I'm one of the few people who enjoyed this game as much as the original. Also, I only picked this for 2006 because I can't find anything good for the year. 
God of War II/ Uncharted 
A gritty, awesome button-masher that was way better than the third/ My first PS3 game! Great gunplay, platforming, and puzzle-solving, only to be marred by the survival/horror element closer to the end of the game. *Tomb Raider: Anniversary and Super Mario Galaxy are runner-ups*

LittleBigPlanet/Prince of Persia 
A charming little platformer that I still return to after getting it so long ago (Can't wait for 2!); Easy? Yes. Beautiful? Definitely. This game was so easy and yet so amazing IMO. 
Refer to this list 
Also, I would have to include things I didn't get around to last year, such as Borderlands 
Red Dead Redemption/ Super Mario Galaxy 2 
Best. Western. Ever./ Brilliant platformer; maybe even better than the original!