Anyone ever pitch the idea of a Whiskey Media episodic adventure game, like something in the mold of Penny Arcade Adventures Episodes 1 and 2? If not, anyone want to spitball one?

 Alright, here's what I'm thinking so far:

The game opens in a dilapidated factory down by the docks. Under the shroud of night, an army of pseudo-hipster henchmen and PR thugs are hastily constructing and boxing video games on a conveyer belt. What kind of games? Shitty ones.

Suddenly, three men clad in SWAT gear bust through the window. Who are these men? They are the agents of the National Organization of Game Reviewing (NOGR) and they are playable characters:

Jeff Gerstmann

Standard Attack: Negative Fun Factor (Stamps 'Fair' rating on opponent)

Special Attack: Editorial Control (Makes enemy disappear with a snap of his fingers)

Ryan Davis

Standard Attack: Uh Uh Uh Uh Uh (Face shanking)

Special Attack: RyanRyanRyan (Red and Green Ryans join standard Ryan for team-up attack)

Brad Shoemaker

Standard Attack: Banana Mouth (Banana projectile attack from mouth)

Special Attack: Photobomb (Brad pops up behind enemy and explodes)

After a few playable battles, the team has rounded up almost the goons. The last PR goon standing (identified as the leader by the slightly different shade of his melon-colored shirt) makes a run for it carrying the final box of intact shitty games. Agent Gerstmann makes chase and tackles the PR goon down a staircase. As the goon lays dying from his injuries, the following exchange takes place:

Goon: “You're...as crazy as they say...Gerstmann”

Jeff: “Whatever it takes to keep this garbage away from the kids”

Goon: “Ha!...we just...make the games...You and NOGR are the ones...making sure...they end up...in the kid's hands...ack!”

Bothered by this accusation, Jeff decides to investigate the matter upon return to NOGR headquarters. Players would then control Jeff through an adventure game-style exploration segment as he delves deeper and deeper into the mysterious purpose of NOGR, culminating in his discovery of a heavily protected secret file in the headquarters basement. Just as Jeff discovers the truth, he is knocked out from behind.

Cut to Jeff's limp body being dragged through the woods in the middle of the rainy night. Two men in navy blue suits toss Jeff's body into a dark, gaping hole in the earth, labeled the Pit of Obscurity by a nearby sign post. A third man in a navy blue suit looks on, puffing steadily from a fat cigar.

Move ahead to the following morning back at NOGR headquarters. Jeff's absence is palpable. Brad and Ryan are called to the offices of the men in navy blue suits, who happen to be NOGR executives. Brad and Ryan's shock at hearing that Jeff has left the agency is exceeded only by their surprise at meeting Jeff's replacement and their new leader, Goff Worstmann! (looks exactly like Jeff, except he has Rollie Finger's mustache and is evil).

Although initially unwilling to accept Jeff's disappearance at face value, Brad and Ryan continue to fulfill their duties as NOGR agents under the often questionable direction of Goff. That is until Ryan receives a mysterious package in his mailbag. Crammed in-between cans of energy drinks and packets of semi-powdered meat is a single sheet of paper. On one side of the paper is a screen capture from the security camera footage of Jeff being attacked in the NOGR archives and on the other side is a crudely drawn map.

Cut to the gate of the thought to be abandoned local TV studio. Ryan approaches, following the map, with Brad in tow. Once inside, the player controls Brad and Ryan through a series of battles against all manner of nightmarish creatures (mostly from stock, public domain special effects footage) as they explore their way to the central control booth. Inside, they fight a boss battle against a giant wizard who tries to eff them up. The player's victory in this battle causes all illusions to fade away, revealing none other than Vinny Caravella behind the controls.

Brad and Ryan confront Vinny, who explains that he sent the mysterious package, having long ago hacked control of the security cameras within NOGR headquarters. Now that Brad and Ryan had passed all of Vinny's trials, he agrees not only to share with them Jeff's location, but he also agrees to join them in their quest (however his true motivations remain his own).

New Party Character!

Vinny Caravella

Standard Attack: Green Screen (Green screen drops behind enemy and they are set ablaze by gaudy special effects flames)

Special Attack: Endurance Run (Forces enemy to play console game until they are left as lifeless husk)

Cut to within the endless abyss of the Pit of Obscurity. Jeff floats lifelessly within its all-encompassing darkness. A single beam of pure, white light cuts through the darkness and Jeff's eyes spring open. Jeff begins to tread his way towards the source of the light.

Cut back to Brad, Ryan, and Vinny as they traverse the wooded path to the Pit of Obscurity. The player takes control and must fend off Brad and Ryan's former allies, the remaining NOGR agents, in battles at every turn. Finally, they reach the Pit of Obscurity and stare into its depths.

Enter scene, Goff Worstmann. Boss battle ensues. However, battle is fixed. Goff is protected by a force field constructed from the dark energies of accepted conventions, and the three heroes are quickly overpowered. Brad dies.

All looks lost, but then, exploding from the murky depths of the Pit of Obscurity is Jeff Gerstmann! Nay, not the Jeff Gerstmann of old, but a new, reborn Jeff Gerstmann, clad in shorts and t-shirt with Giant Bomb logo emblazoned on his chest. He holds Luchadeer triumphantly above his head and the battle with Goff is renewed.

New Party Character!

Jeff Gerstmann (Giant Bomb version)

Standard Attack: Luchadeer (Antler stab attack)

Special Attack: Download Xpress (Jeff rides miniature train straight through enemies)

The strength of the light that Jeff carries with him from the Pit of Obscurity overcomes Goff's force field of darkness. The player is then able to defeat Goff, once and for all, in the epic episode-closing final boss battle. After defeat, Goff's body mysteriously dissolves into a formless muck.

Overjoyed at their reunion, Jeff and Ryan embrace. It lasts an uncomfortably long time.

Ryan: “What? What did you find in the archives?”

Jeff: “Conclusive proof that NGOR hasn't been preventing the playing of awful video games, it's been facilitating it!”

Ryan: “What does anyone have to gain by tricking kids into playing terrible video games?”

Jeff: “I don't know, but this goes higher up than anyone could ever have dared imagine. If we're going to find out the truth, then we're going to need to be four-member strong!”

Everyone gazes down at Brad's broken and somewhat drippy body.

Vinny: “I have heard legend of men who can make anything work again.”

Cut to shot of Tested Towers, backlit by strike of lightning bolt. Focus on penthouse window, where we see the hunched over backs of two men who look suspiciously like Will and Norm, working intently amidst all manner of technological wonders.

Meanwhile, back at NOGR headquarters, word is sent by the men in the navy blue suits to dispatch a specialist. Cut to bounty hunter, Alex Navarro.

End of Episode 1?

Well, that's what I got so far. Any ideas?