I call Street Fighter bullshit!
By HTTenrai 6 Comments
Look, I'm no fighting game slouch. Until FPSes became mainstream, I lived and died by my fighting games. For Christmas, when the Super Nintendo came out, my parents got me one along with Street Fighter II, and I played the ever-loving-fuck out of it. Since them, I've played the hell out of every Street Fighter I could get my hands on, from the Alpha series, to the III series, to even some of the more gimmicky games, like Pocket Fighter, and even the offshoots, like Darkstalkers.
I'm not a fucking slouch.
So why, then, can I not beat the Medium difficulty on Super Street Fighter II Turbo HD Remix without spending more continues than there are minutes in an hour?! I've owned Super Turbo before on the GBA, and I literally had to throw a couple of early matches to ensure I didn't run into the Akuma glitch because I was that damn good at it. And yet, here I am, taking it up the ass from a game I used to bend over myself! What. The. Fuck.
I'm having the same fucking issue I had with the Xbox Live release of Hyper Fighting: The AI fights like it was too legit to work for the Psychic Friends network. Seriously, if I wanted a game that read every fucking move I made about 2 seconds before I've even considered it, I'd go play some more UMK3. This is bullshit. Once again, I have a fucking broken Street Fighter game that I shelled out good money for, thanking me for the money whilst simultaneously negating any chance I have at fathering children later in life as it curb stomps my balls, over and over.
- Why does the AI seem to know exactly what I'm going to do about 60% of the time from the second match on?
- Why can I never get a throw off before the AI does?
- Why are the AI's throws MAGNETIC, for that fucking matter?
- What is the point of playing Vega when you can't land his signature fucking move without being plucked out of the air every time?
- Why are nearly every one of my meaty hits reversed?
- Why does the CPU always fucking land tech hits?
- Can anybody answer these fucking questions?!
- Why did I pay 15 bucks for another busted Street Fighter?
I should have saved the money and ogled the trial version until the sheen wore off. I've never been so vocally angry at a fighting game since Guilty Gear XX #Reload. Anyone who's played it knows why.
EDIT: Ha! It gets better. You can't even play the damn game single player in the demo version. Hell, there isn't even a demo version on the PSN! It's not exactly academic proof, but what the fuck?!
EDIT 2: So I figured maybe I'm judging the game on one facet too hard, and I tried my luck online...All I can say is if this were a disc or a cart, I've have thrown it out the window into the pool outside already. The offline game is busted, the online people are all either assholes, addicts, or just plain cheaters, and the only place in the game where I don't feel the urge to gouge out my own eyes is practice. Great. I have confirmed all of the aspects of this game as a complete and utter waste of my time, money, and sanity.