This last year marks an odd point in my life: I have now been dealing with my depression longer than I have been free of it. I made the huge mistake of attempting to deal with it on my own for far too long before seeking help. Even when I started to get help it took me a long time to be fully honest with my Doctors. I am now on meds and one on one therapy, and for the first time in my adult life I see living with depression as an option: as oppose to my old line of thinking that my depression is a condition that will eventually end me. With this change I have been forced focus on all aspects of my life including my gaming hobby. Everyone gets different things from their hobbies, and what is true for me wont be true for anyone else. I have come to realize that my gaming was an escape from life. Instead of engaging with my peers, and facing my problems I hide in the fantasy world of gaming. I see this retreat from life as a failure on my part, and a fuel to my current problems. While others spent their time interacting with each other and learning the unspoken social skills. "Who needs friends when they have games" would have been my motto, and sure I made a few "friends" from gaming: but those ended up being shallow, and unable to survive events such as my coming out. It would be tough to find a hobby as easily accessible to the masses and as ripe with homophobic slurs as gaming. Faggot and gay are used as pejorative insults and while they may not be aimed at me for being a gay male they reinforce this idea that to a hetero male one of the worst insults you can make is to call them gay. I am not sure if it is my disgust with myself for letting myself become so detach from life in the name of video games: or if I am just tired of seeing my hobbies name dragged through the mud but I am done. I will attempt to stay premium because I appreciate what this site stands for and am happy to spend my money to help, but I cant even play a few mins of a game without becoming infuriated at myself anymore. Thanks and so long.