Rubber Baby Buggy Bumpers Performed By Humperdinck & Lambesis

Either that's going to lead to some weird ass "I only read the title and decided to comment on it" comments...or people actually read these fucking blogs that I write.

Let's talk about free-to-play, ladies and gentlemen!

Specifically, let's talk about Tribes Ascend and Super Monday Night Combat. One of these games got my balls all tingly thinking of the good ol' times in college playing over a LAN with friends, while the other got my balls all tingly because it was a surprise of magnanimous proportions (also, magnanimous doesn't come up with an incorrect spellcheck...which is awesome). In the end, only one of these has remained installed...and for good reasons.

As it stands, a lot of my playtime goes into League of Legends. Why? The obvious and immediately available answer is much like Kurt Cobain's: "I hate myself and I want to die". You don't play a MOBA game unless you truly have some self-loathing issues that have resorted you to abusing yourself by playing with fucking idiots on a regular basis, hoping to find that one group of gleaming, shining examples that stand for everything humanity should be: intelligent, appropriately foul-mouthed, and they know how to beat the shit out of someone. Nonetheless, League of Legends does get one thing right, and that's the free-to-play model. They allow you to collect a form of in-game currency in which to buy runes to increase your power and capabilities during a match as well as purchase the various champions they release on an almost bi-weekly basis. You can also spend real money to purchase Riot Points. These can be used to purchase champions and vanity skins for the different characters. However, you CANNOT use the real money scheme in order to purchase things that affect gameplay.

That is the key phrase here, so let's repeat that, shall we? RIOT DOES NOT LET YOU USE REAL MONEY IN ORDER TO PURCHASE THINGS THAT AFFECT GAMEPLAY!

>.> I'm looking directly at you, Hi-Rez Studios. You and your fucking horseshit. Sure, I could justify spending $50 for the equivalent of two fully built characters (minus only a couple of crucial upgrades to components), but you are allowing the purchase of weapons that are obviously stronger than what any base player who is going with the free-to-play option all the way happens to carry with them. Also, I know that I've played a metric dick ton of Tribes 2 since college and happen to be able to jump into a Tribes Ascend match and fend for myself decently against a group of level 32 players...despite the fact that I am level 6...or something like that.

Nonetheless, this is how you handle a free-to-play model POORLY. I was hoping for things to go differently from the shitty way they handled Global Agenda, but that form of wishful thinking is something I should really train myself to stop believing in.

So fuck you, Hi-Rez. Game uninstalled. If you want to fix your matchmaking, change it to where people cannot buy an advantage over someone, and offer a more comprehensive playground in order to train with, I might consider picking the game back up.

In the meantime, my...time...is going to Super Monday Night Combat. I won't say that I totally agree with the pricing model found within Super Monday Night Combat either. $22.49 for an astronaut skin on Cheston? NO. THANK. YOU. Yes, I am well aware that I spent $15 on a skin for Annie in League of Legends. I also played Annie for well over 200 matches, and it was her Legendary. HER BEAR IS DRESSED UP LIKE THE FUCKING HARE FROM ALICE IN WONDERLAND! I FEEL IT IS JUSTIFIED...or at least I try to feel that way about it so I don't think of how much money I actually HAVE spent on League of Legends.

You don't wanna know.

It's probably close to $700.

I know, I'm fucked up. I need help.

Anyways, back to Super Monday Night Combat... That game is fucking great. By "fucking great", I mean "it's infuriating as hell when people fail to comprehend how to play the game or even fail to listen to their teammates, but it's super satisfying whenever you finally win a match after ROFLstomping a team so hard that you find yourself popping a mystery boner and get turned on by winning so hard".

That hasn't happened. It's just a euphemism.

Nonetheless, the pricing structure seems a little off. Hopefully, it's something that Uber will work out within the course of time. The only other issue I'm finding with the game is the way they handle their "free pro rotation" every week. Essentially, most of these F2P games will offer a handful of their characters for people to play over the course of a week without having to buy them at all. It serves the purpose of letting you check the character out and find out if you like that while also giving people who never want to spend a penny on it (even in-game currency, which is weird but whatever) the opportunity to play. However, the pro rotations that I've looked at from the past few times seem to lack a good balance for creating a strong team. For instance, this week only features low cost characters. No Sniper, no Assassin, no Gunslinger, no Sparks, etc. Essentially, none of the high-cost characters are free. A word to the wise: when you launch your game, you might want to offer one of those up for free so you can entice people to spend some real dough to buy the champ since they probably won't get enough in-game currency without spamming matches for about a week.

Other than that, the game is pretty smooth. The new interface since they had released the beta is slick and works so much more efficiently, but the matchmaking still needs a little work. A lot of that really is due to the lack of people online at any given point (I usually see around 2k people online at any point), but I have a feeling that number with grow as the game grows.

Here is my anti-climatic ending: Lord of the Rings: War in the North is pretty fucking boss, and I love Fez but don't think I'll end up getting through the New Game Plus because I refuse to look any puzzles up.

Until next time, piece.

8 Comments
9 Comments
Posted by jakob187

Either that's going to lead to some weird ass "I only read the title and decided to comment on it" comments...or people actually read these fucking blogs that I write.

Let's talk about free-to-play, ladies and gentlemen!

Specifically, let's talk about Tribes Ascend and Super Monday Night Combat. One of these games got my balls all tingly thinking of the good ol' times in college playing over a LAN with friends, while the other got my balls all tingly because it was a surprise of magnanimous proportions (also, magnanimous doesn't come up with an incorrect spellcheck...which is awesome). In the end, only one of these has remained installed...and for good reasons.

As it stands, a lot of my playtime goes into League of Legends. Why? The obvious and immediately available answer is much like Kurt Cobain's: "I hate myself and I want to die". You don't play a MOBA game unless you truly have some self-loathing issues that have resorted you to abusing yourself by playing with fucking idiots on a regular basis, hoping to find that one group of gleaming, shining examples that stand for everything humanity should be: intelligent, appropriately foul-mouthed, and they know how to beat the shit out of someone. Nonetheless, League of Legends does get one thing right, and that's the free-to-play model. They allow you to collect a form of in-game currency in which to buy runes to increase your power and capabilities during a match as well as purchase the various champions they release on an almost bi-weekly basis. You can also spend real money to purchase Riot Points. These can be used to purchase champions and vanity skins for the different characters. However, you CANNOT use the real money scheme in order to purchase things that affect gameplay.

That is the key phrase here, so let's repeat that, shall we? RIOT DOES NOT LET YOU USE REAL MONEY IN ORDER TO PURCHASE THINGS THAT AFFECT GAMEPLAY!

>.> I'm looking directly at you, Hi-Rez Studios. You and your fucking horseshit. Sure, I could justify spending $50 for the equivalent of two fully built characters (minus only a couple of crucial upgrades to components), but you are allowing the purchase of weapons that are obviously stronger than what any base player who is going with the free-to-play option all the way happens to carry with them. Also, I know that I've played a metric dick ton of Tribes 2 since college and happen to be able to jump into a Tribes Ascend match and fend for myself decently against a group of level 32 players...despite the fact that I am level 6...or something like that.

Nonetheless, this is how you handle a free-to-play model POORLY. I was hoping for things to go differently from the shitty way they handled Global Agenda, but that form of wishful thinking is something I should really train myself to stop believing in.

So fuck you, Hi-Rez. Game uninstalled. If you want to fix your matchmaking, change it to where people cannot buy an advantage over someone, and offer a more comprehensive playground in order to train with, I might consider picking the game back up.

In the meantime, my...time...is going to Super Monday Night Combat. I won't say that I totally agree with the pricing model found within Super Monday Night Combat either. $22.49 for an astronaut skin on Cheston? NO. THANK. YOU. Yes, I am well aware that I spent $15 on a skin for Annie in League of Legends. I also played Annie for well over 200 matches, and it was her Legendary. HER BEAR IS DRESSED UP LIKE THE FUCKING HARE FROM ALICE IN WONDERLAND! I FEEL IT IS JUSTIFIED...or at least I try to feel that way about it so I don't think of how much money I actually HAVE spent on League of Legends.

You don't wanna know.

It's probably close to $700.

I know, I'm fucked up. I need help.

Anyways, back to Super Monday Night Combat... That game is fucking great. By "fucking great", I mean "it's infuriating as hell when people fail to comprehend how to play the game or even fail to listen to their teammates, but it's super satisfying whenever you finally win a match after ROFLstomping a team so hard that you find yourself popping a mystery boner and get turned on by winning so hard".

That hasn't happened. It's just a euphemism.

Nonetheless, the pricing structure seems a little off. Hopefully, it's something that Uber will work out within the course of time. The only other issue I'm finding with the game is the way they handle their "free pro rotation" every week. Essentially, most of these F2P games will offer a handful of their characters for people to play over the course of a week without having to buy them at all. It serves the purpose of letting you check the character out and find out if you like that while also giving people who never want to spend a penny on it (even in-game currency, which is weird but whatever) the opportunity to play. However, the pro rotations that I've looked at from the past few times seem to lack a good balance for creating a strong team. For instance, this week only features low cost characters. No Sniper, no Assassin, no Gunslinger, no Sparks, etc. Essentially, none of the high-cost characters are free. A word to the wise: when you launch your game, you might want to offer one of those up for free so you can entice people to spend some real dough to buy the champ since they probably won't get enough in-game currency without spamming matches for about a week.

Other than that, the game is pretty smooth. The new interface since they had released the beta is slick and works so much more efficiently, but the matchmaking still needs a little work. A lot of that really is due to the lack of people online at any given point (I usually see around 2k people online at any point), but I have a feeling that number with grow as the game grows.

Here is my anti-climatic ending: Lord of the Rings: War in the North is pretty fucking boss, and I love Fez but don't think I'll end up getting through the New Game Plus because I refuse to look any puzzles up.

Until next time, piece.

Posted by believer258

Gotham City Impostors, if I'm not mistaken, allows you to buy your upgrades instead of earning them. It looks and sounds like it should have been F2P as well.

I tried to play Tribes Ascend. My laptop wouldn't run it. Now that you've told me that free members are at a disadvantage, I don't think I care to. I've got enough multiplayer shooters on my hands to play.

League of Legends - never played it. But I've heard of it. I thought it was an MMO, though? And I don't hate myself so I guess it isn't for me.

Also, would Humperdinck Lambesis be related to Tim Lambesis?

Posted by Mirado

"magnanimous proportions" doesn't make much sense, just so you know. It's generous in the sense that someone is very kindhearted and giving, not generous as in "A lot of" or "big". At least I think.

I'm curious as to what weapon(s) you are referring to in Tribes that give people such an advantage. Last time I checked, every weapon can be unlocked without spending money (although the option is present), and none of them were strictly better then the free counterparts. Sure, having spinfusors as an unlock rather then the default for Soldiers is pretty shitty, but that doesn't mean you have to pay to get it and you aren't crippled because you don't have it, you just need to adjust your play a bit.

You need to look at it from the perspective of someone who doesn't have much time on their hands: let's say I wanted to use the stealth spinfusor for the Infiltrator with trip-mines (forgetting how shit they are for a moment). Thanks to my job, I don't have the time to grind out 20k XP or whatever to get it, but I do have money. It doesn't stop someone who can't pay but has a lot of time on their hands from doing what I want to do, but I'd never have a chance (and Hi-Rez wouldn't make bank) if the option wasn't there. Who is that hurting? Neither of those weapons are strictly better (or make the class unusable otherwise) then any of the other options presented (and I think that is almost always the case, barring the aforementioned Solider/Spinfusor debacle), and even if one did, you could still get it without paying a cent.

Keep in mind that I've stopped playing since the end of the beta and if they've introduced some crazy cash-only super weapon, I apologize for not having that knowledge.

Posted by ArbitraryWater

You know, I feel guilty having spent money in LoL at all. Curse Riot and them making all the cool characters in the most expensive tier of IP when I'm trying to build out my second rune page! Oh well, at least they have sales often enough that I only feel guilt from purchasing awesome characters like Volibear (who is a bear with lightning hands and that is radical) and Ziggs (my AP carry of the week, because I seem to have a new one every time I try someone different out) at half price rather than full. It's a pity though, with me out of school and my dorm friends on different schedules than me, I've had to resort to playing with randoms... which is as terrible as I remember it being.

In other news, Super Monday Night Combat seems alright.

Edited by jakob187

@believer258 said:

Also, would Humperdinck Lambesis be related to Tim Lambesis?

Give this man a cookie and a medal. = D Austrian Death Machine prevails.

@Mirado: Rather than try to explain it, I will simply throw up the video of it. However, it is a post-launch release that came with the Raid and Pillage update this past week.

Again, sure - people could outright buy it if they want, but at the same time, you have pointed out the exact thing which I'm talking about. Some people have the money and not the time, while some have the time and not the money. In essence, allowing the purchase of powerful weapons at a lower level means you are given a massive advantage over other players who are going to have to play many more rounds (at a diminished rate of XP gained in order to purchase things themselves because they can't gain XP against a weapon that is as powerful as this) in order to ever unlock it.

It's problematic, and Hi-Rez has tried to place it all on the side of the players. "Well, it requires more skill to play against that weapon". This isn't true, and even the people using the weapon have said so. It requires more upgrades...which we don't have because we're low level...and continue to remain low level because of the lower amount of XP someone gains from losing against it. It should not be at the fault of the player that Hi-Rez refuses to fix the damage and hit box on this weapon in order to bring it more in line with the rest of the weapons in the game. It's not like I'm saying "sniper rifle OP". I'm saying that each weapon will have their own properties, but each has to have a drawback attached to it in order to balance it out. This weapon, however, can be unlocked at level one by spending real money for it. It was the fundamental issue with Global Agenda: they would give those who paid money an advantage over any free players.

Here's what it comes down to: if you are going to make your game free-to-play, you need to either lock F2P players in one set of matchmaking and those spending money in another set of matchmaking...or you need to ensure proper balance of weapons.

Even then, however, the matchmaking is currently so poor that level 32 players are being mixed up with level 6 players. It's hardly fair at all, given the upgrades and capabilities that level 32 players have. I understand that they need people to populate in order to create a better matchmaking environment. At the same time, you should be expecting that there are going to be low level and high level people playing.

The solution is simple, though: you don't allow the purchase of things that will affect gameplay with real money. It creates imbalance and then turns off people from playing, creating a negative experience with your product. At this point, because of negative experiences I've had with Global Agenda and Tribes Ascend, I have no intentions of trying Smite...which is sad because it looks fucking excellent.

League of Legends handles it right, and because of that, their community rewards them with the money to continue funding their game and making it something bigger and better. Tribes Ascend...will go the way of Global Agenda in about a year or two: to the point of "hey, remember that game?". It's a sad thing, because I loved what I played of the game. However, giving people an advantage solely because of money makes me say "you should've just charged for the game outright and given everyone everything".

*EDIT* Here's another example of how fucked hit boxes are in Tribes Ascend. Seriously, this game was in beta for HOW LONG?

Edited by believer258

@jakob187 said:

@believer258 said:

Also, would Humperdinck Lambesis be related to Tim Lambesis?

Give this man a cookie and a medal. = D Austrian Death Machine prevails.

Wrong band.

I never much liked Lambesis's side band.

Posted by jakob187

@believer258: There was a point to it, though.

Posted by FinalDasa

@jakob187: Great band, great album, great post.

Posted by believer258

@jakob187 said:

@believer258: There was a point to it, though.

Oh. Well, the only Austrian Death Machine album I'd heard before is Double Brutal. So oops. I see your cleverness now, forgive me.