Jennacide's forum posts

#1 Posted by Jennacide (94 posts) -
while waiting for Optus to restore my internet

Wednesday 27 April 2011
11:29am

It’s been two whole hours since the internet originally went down. Only an hour and a half of this have I been awake for, however, having stayed up until 4am playing Final Fantasy XIV. If I had known that a catastrophe of this sort was going to hit this morning, I would have stayed up for a lot longer.

But I suppose we all think things like that. And I suppose we all think them a little too late.

You hear on the TV all the time about these things happening to people. Well, in movies, anyway. But the movies make you think that if you have a shotgun and a slightly rough-cut but very good looking main character you’re going to be fine. Pretty people with shotguns can achieve anything, says Hollywood. But what about pretty people armed with nothing? All I have here is my keyboard. My trusty keyboard, connected to my PC. But a lot of good that does me without an internet connection doesn’t it?

I just keep staring at that blinking modem light, waiting for it to stay solid. With solidity comes sanity. With solidity comes sociality. With sociality comes connection. And oh how I long to be connected once again.

I wonder if anyone has missed me yet? I wonder if my twitter buddies are wondering why it’s been over 15 minutes since my last tweet. I wonder if anyone on Facebook has noticed my absence amidst their frantic ‘liking’ of random groups that have seemingly funny titles at the beginning but then later turn out to just be stupid.

Know what the worst part is? I just know that there are people out there with internet. There are people out there blogging right now. It’s only a matter of time until they realise mine has gone down and come to rub it in my face. I don’t know what I’ll do then. I just don’t know.

2:32pm

Managed to catch a few hours of sleep, which is a wonder for me under any circumstances, but especially today. Forced myself out of bed with the hope of solidity behind me only to be met with blinking. Always blinking. I’ve always had a fear of blinking lights. Not just because they’re creepy, but because it seems as though they can never make up their mind. And the unexpected is never stable. It is never solid. Just like my modem.

I never thought he would turn on me too.

2:45pm

Ravenous. Need to eat. My last meal was yesterday, before the horror started. Searching the house the only thing I could find was a bunny. I told myself that I would never eat a poor defenceless animal, but desperate times call for desperate measures.

Caressing it’s foily skin and ringing the little bow around it’s neck I stare lovingly at the animal I am about to slaughter for my own selfish hunger. It never did anything to me. All it did was sit there, but today I was going to kill it. Nay, I was going to give it a greater purpose in life. I was going to give this bunny meaning. But not before one final goodbye.

Farewell Lindt Chocolate Bunny. I hope you find a better place in my stomach than you did in my cupboard.

4:30pm

Received   a phone call from a friend saying that she still had internet. It wouldn’t last long, knowing the state of things, so I had to make a snap decision; race over there in the hopes the internet would still be there when I got there or remain in the safety of my own home waiting for the insanity of the blinking light to get to me. Easy decision I thought, so I grabbed my stuff and left as quick as I could.

7pm

Received a call from my brother who’d finally awoken from his deep slumber. It’s funny how some people do that. The technological world around him had ended, and he slept straight through it, oblivious to it all.

“Jenn, our internet seems to be back up,” he said.

For a moment I was shocked. I didn’t know what to say. All these hours without internet and suddenly, it was back. Just like that?

“Oi did you hear me? Our internet is back up!”

“I heard you Daniel, geez. Thanks for telling me”

“Now can you come home and set up our network again? I wanna play TF2 on my laptop”

9:30pm

Everything was quiet at my friend’s place; an oddity since everything is usually chaotic like a circus. We were all happily sitting watching television, grateful to have survived the technical apocalypse. My friend got off the couch and made her way to the computer to look something up, but before she could get there, a strangled cry came from the other room.

“OUR INTERNET IS DOWN!”

With fear in our eyes we all lurched towards the modem and sure enough, the light was blinking.

Blinking.

Always blinking.

Perhaps we had survived nothing at all. Perhaps this was only the beginning.

For them, anyway. I still had the internet over at my place.

End

   
#2 Posted by Jennacide (94 posts) -
@TheDudeOfGaming: I wish I could say it was. The only thing impairing my senses was Nicorette gum. SIGH :P
@Hero_Swe: Consider yourself lucky
#3 Posted by Jennacide (94 posts) -
@MattyFTM: I'm gonna try that. One day. When I don't wanna stab the runner in the face
@htr10: SPOILERS! OH NOES. (p.s that comment made me laugh so hard)
#4 Posted by Jennacide (94 posts) -

So way back when I first started this writing shindig I used to take requests from people, and one of these requests was “please play ‘Robot Unicorns Attack’”. So I did. I played the game, I suffered through the somewhat fantastic, mostly brain destroying theme song, and managed to churn out about 500 words on it.

Since I’m running out of ideas for my blog, I’ve decided to start taking review requests once more. Of course, because my friends are total douchebags, the first games that were suggested were QWOP and GIRP. Not being one to go back on my word, I decided to undertake this challenge, but do myself the favour of including them in a double feature. So here goes. Get ready to read the biggest load of crap ever written.

QWOP



What is it?
That’s a really bloody good question. In QWOP you’re a runner in the Olympics. Your aim is to run 100m, but because your team was severely under funded you’re going to be lucky if you get over the starting line. The Q and W keys control the runner’s thighs whilst O and P control his calves. Get the idea? If you don’t, then your brain is dented because it can’t be any simpler than how I’ve put it.

What I “liked”:

  • The only thing I liked about this game is when you fail abysmally (which you do, constantly, because this game is pixel hell) the runner falls on his head with a satisfying crack. Or he splits his groin in half. Or falls backwards. No matter how you fail, it looks damn painful and bloody hell it feels good to know he shares the pain we go through by playing this goddamn game.

What I didn’t like:

  • Everything. I didn’t achieve more than 2.4 metres and it shitted me right off. It got to the point where I hoped if I held down Q and W hard enough he’d split in half. But he didn’t. And that annoys me.

Final thoughts:

This game is annoying. So annoying I want to rip it out of my computer screen, light it on fire and throw it out a window. I hate the stupid runner and his shitty retarded legs. I hate his under funded Olympics team and everybody else on it. And I hope someone sets him alight with the Olympic torch.

GIRP



What is it?

You are some guy. Your aim is to climb up a mountain before the water level rises and you die. End of story. The handholds have letters on them. Press the letter and your little dude will try and grab onto them. If you get to the end you apparently get some sort of prize however I wouldn’t know, as I don’t have the patience to do such a thing.

What I “liked”:

  • This game has an ending. It is apparently possible to finish this game.  I haven’t had such luck (if you can call it that) but it’s nice to know that you can achieve something by playing this game (apart from wanting to put a bullet through your skull).

What I didn’t like:

  • I feel like if I say ‘everything’ again, it’s sort of a rip off. And, I suppose, I didn’t hate everything in this game. However what particularly annoyed me was when the handhold is clearly within the dude’s reach, and he just refuses to grab it. THE LETTER T IS RIGHT THERE DUDE. GRAB IT. FRICKIN GRAB IT NOW.

Final thoughts:

Don’t quote me on this, but I’ve heard that not even the guy who created this game can finish it. However he seems like the sort of person who licks the windows on buses, so that doesn’t surprise me in the slightest.

To sum up:

As much as I wish I could destroy these games, they’re strangely addictive. I feel like I simply must reach over a metre in QWOP, and knowing that there’s an end to GIRP makes it more frustrating that I can’t get to it. If I had to sum up these two games in a sentence, it would be this: At least Robot Unicorns Attack had a theme song.


Please Note: The title of this entry was what these games did to my brain.
Also: If you have a game you would like me to review, just let me know. I'm open to anything I can get my hands on (evidently, if I just spent my night writing about this crap)

#5 Posted by Jennacide (94 posts) -
@afrofools: Thankyou! 
@ESREVER: Yeah, I have a hatred towards iPhones too. However part of my job means reviewing their apps. So I bought an ipod touch instead :P
@Xeiphyer: Oooh I'll have to give these a listen to! Thanks! 
#6 Posted by Jennacide (94 posts) -

If anyone has ever had the, er...pleasure of listening to me bitch about stuff, then you probably know that I have some trouble with sleep. I don’t know what it is, really. I guess I must have said something to piss it off, or cheated on it with a nap. Either way, whatever I did has guaranteed I don’t get a good night’s sleep all that often anymore.

One of my big problems is that once I hit the sack, my brain suddenly decides it’s time to make me crave foods I can’t have. Bacon, cupcakes, kebabs, thai food, you name it; if it’s tasty I’ll have a hankering for it at 4am. Thanks brain.

I’ve tried many different remedies to fix my sleep deprivation (though nothing short of stuffing myself senseless before bed will cure my cravings) but nothing seemed to do much good. Until one night one of my helpful twitter buddies suggested I try an ipod/iphone app called Pzizz. At first I was skeptical, but I figured, hey,  technology has never steered me wrong before! Plus it was recommended to me by the wonderful Nathan Cocks (as seen in Aussie gaming magazines Hyper and PC Powerplay, for my American readers), and when Cocksy says to try something, it usually either works, or is hilarious. And that was all I needed to give it a go.

There are two versions of Pzizz. One is used as a rejuvenation tool to give you an energy boost, and the other is used for deep sleep. I purchased the latter and used it that night. I cleared my head the best I could, put my mobile somewhere it couldn’t distract me and let the app do its thing.

In a nutshell:

The app starts with soothing sounds to set the mood; waves crashing, wind blowing, chimes ringing. Then a man’s voice starts talking to you, telling you that we’re going to work together to make the transition into restful sleeping. That’s all well and dandy, but as soon as he says “you might decide to let my voice wash over you”  he immediately stops being the lovely helpful narrator and turns into a Wolf Creek-esque backpacker murdering creep. But hey, there’s nothing like the water from the top end, so let’s just keep going shall we?

What I liked:

  • When this app wasn’t scaring the pants off me (keep reading) I actually found it quite relaxing. Even though the narrator (if you can really call him that) had a voice like a seasoned paedophile, I have to admit that if I tuned him out and focused solely on the background noise, I became quite relaxed. In fact I found myself in such a calm, relaxed state of mind I had to continually fight off the urge to pee. To some people, this might sound like a bad thing, but really, if an app can make me need to pee, then I’m impressed. Who wouldn’t be!?
  • The app put me to sleep, there’s no doubt about that, however the dreams it gave me were quite...odd. Because Cocks was the person that recommended this to me, I found my dreams often included him in some bizarre culmination of the app and my over-active imagination. For example, one of the ones I remember included Cocks surfing in the ocean...riding a dinosaur. Another one included him being caught in a belltower with the creepy narrator while Pyramid Head from Silent Hill tracked them down. Though these dreams were incredibly weird and somewhat disturbing, they beat the dreams I normally have (which are either frightening beyond all reason or just plain boring). So if nothing else, this app does provide some slumber entertainment.

What I didn’t like:

  • The app uses a bell throughout the duration of the session; however it isn’t a lovely tinkly bell like you’d expect. Oh no, this bell sounds like something to symbolise that all hell is about to break loose. It reminded me strongly of the bell used in the Silent Hill movie, and that meant “get the fuck to safety otherwise your face is gonna get torn off by monsters.” Needless to say, every time I heard this noise I immediately thought that Pyramid Head was going to emerge from under my bed, and I became insanely afraid.
  • Though Pzizz did succeed in putting me to sleep, it didn’t succeed inkeeping me asleep, which the Pierce Brosnan meets John Wayne Gacy Jnr narrator said it would. Before the app begins, you set a time for how long you would like it to go for. I always pick an hour, because I figure if I’m awake for any longer I might as well get back up and start gaming again. That being said, I have never been able to listen to the app in full; always falling asleep before it is finished. However, once the app is over and everything becomes silent once more, I am jolted awake by the loss of noise. Now maybe that’s just me being spaztastic, but suddenly waking up because the noise has stopped seems like the opposite of what a sleeping app should achieve.

Sooo...

If you answer ‘No’ to any or all of these questions, then this could be the app to cure your insomnia once and for all.

Do you mind being lulled to sleep by a man with a voice that sounds like he’ll gut you once your eyes are closed?

Do you have an overactive imagination that creates insane dreams on a regular basis?

Do you have a severe hatred towards iPods and iPhones?

Do you mind spending 8 aussie dollars on an app like this?

Do you often have night terrors, even without the use of a fear inducing app such as this?

Do you have a weak bladder?

If you answered nothing but ‘No’, then I’d recommend downloading Pzizz. If you had a few ‘yes’s’ in there, then hell, do it anyway for the lols. If you answered all of the questions with ‘yes’ then, well..Um. Nope. Thought I had a witty little quip there but I don’t.

Goodnight everybody. Pleasant dreams!

#7 Posted by Jennacide (94 posts) -
@example1013: Yeah, tv shows and books get me too. Not quite as bad, but I've dedicated many hours of my days to those things. 
@zepp: I think I'm going to be reviewing both of those games. Which is awesome because I'll get them for free, but then it sucks because I'll be dead. 
@Twitchey: I can't wait :D
#8 Posted by Jennacide (94 posts) -

In the few weeks since the release of Dragon Age 2 and Pokemon Black and White I’ve found myself faced with incredibly tough decisions every day. The most pressing is of course, “Do I play Pokemon or Dragon Age?” but then there are the lesser questions like “Should I put down my DS so I can eat?” and “Should I attempt to sleep because it’s 6am, or just keep playing through the night?”

Most of the time video games will win over everything else (except for the few hours of sleep and food I need to remain alive) and though that means I spend most of my hours having the greatest time ever, it also means that when I eventually get up the next morning, I feel bloody awful. This state of being is something I have named the “gaming hangover”, and now that I’ve looked into it, I’ve found it much more threatening than any normal hangover could possibly be.

Everybody over the age of 18 (or 21 if you’re living in America) knows what it’s like to be hung-over (well, almost everyone. I can think of a few people that don’t, but naming them really wrecks my analogy). We’re well aware of how happy we are while we’re drinking, and how much fun losing our inhibitions can be. We’ve all felt the cold hard concrete against our cheek when we fall over and decide being on the ground is more fun than standing up. We’ve all become familiar with the rolling waves of nausea that tell us we drank far too much and we’ve all suffered through the pounding headache and voluntary vampirism the next morning.

Once the hangover passes we don’t tend to get on the drink again until at least the next weekend, as the very mention of alcohol can cause you to gag, but with video games it’s different. We want to see games the next day. We want to see them every day for as long as we live because they’re so damn entertaining. And that’s what makes the gaming hangover so much more deadly than anything alcohol related; we’ll keep going back every single day. Though our heads may be pounding and our stomach's churning, we will not stop!

Almost every morning since the release of DA2 and Pokémon I have woken up feeling like someone has put me through the wringer. I crawl out of bed with stiff limbs while I nurse a pounding headache and stare absently through blurry, bloodshot eyes. Often I’ll find myself sitting on the couch with my playstation controller in my lap, but be too sick and sore to even press the button to turn it on. I’d have thought that after keeping this routine up for a few weeks I’d be over it, but it seems that my body simply isn’t built for so many gaming hours a day.

The scary part of gaming hangovers is that falling asleep grants no release from the symptoms. Not only does it take hours before you’re tired enough to sleep anyway, but once you do your mind is so alive with images it just doesn’t rest. I have spent more nights than I can count watching flashes of colour sweep past my eyelids while squiggles of light dart around like fireflies. And that’s before the dreams start. Ever seen Pikachu rip off Morrigan’s face and eat it? Or seen a sim spin-jump and turn into a dragon? Because you don’t bloody want to.

Luckily for me not every game I play has the ability to do this to me. Just the ones I really enjoy (ain’t that a bitch). Main contenders in the “Lets give Jenn a gaming hangover” competition are the Dragon Age games, the Pokémon series, The Sims 2 (and to a lesser extent for the first month it came out, 3) and of course, the Final Fantasy series.

As of yet I haven’t been able to find a cure for gaming hangovers, except to pump myself full of Panadol and then do it all over again. But I figure if drinking through a hangover can stop alcoholics from getting them, then certainly the same thing has to apply to gamers.

Surely if we invest enough of our time, energy, body and soul into a game, we’ll be much too distracted to lament over the symptoms that are steadily taking over.  Either that or we could just take a break...but who the hell wants to do that?

#9 Posted by Jennacide (94 posts) -
@the_OFFICIAL_jAPanese_teaBAG: It's amazing. Do it. Everything is brand new, which I was apprehensive about at first but now I'm loving it, because it's FINALLY possible, for the first time in so many years, for me to "catch em all" without there being too many. DO IT. BUY IT NOW 
@dbz1995: I know a guy who hasn't played Pokemon also. They're missing out. It just isn't right!
#10 Posted by Jennacide (94 posts) -

Michael Jackson told us for years that “it don’t matter if you’re black or white”, and though this was sound advice, it really didn’t help the scores of people who had to make the life changing choice between Pokemon Black and White last Thursday. However, no matter which one you chose one thing was guaranteed: you’re going to walk away smiling (not that you’re going to be walking away any time soon).



I’ve been a fan of Pokemon since the original games came out. One of my earliest memories is my brother getting the old school Red version and a Game Boy for his birthday. So of course I had to nab it as quickly as I could; slipping it inconspicuously into my purse so I could play it while I followed my mother around the super market. (So I wasn’t a very good sister. If you have a little brother you’re meant to be annoying. It’s the rule.)

For longer than I’d like to remember, I have always had to share my Pokemon games with someone. My childhood years were plagued by the words “is it my turn yet?” and even in my late teens I had to share my Nintendo DS with my boyfriend. Those fuzzy little pocket monsters did nothing except fuel arguments and harbour tension while I was growing up, but now that I’m an adult (technically anyway) I’ve found the game to have quite the opposite effect.



My best friend isn’t a gamer like myself. Sure she gets addicted to facebook games and suffers through the odd Wii adventure every now and then, but start saying words like “dps” “MMORPG” or “online multiplayer” and you can watch as her eyes glaze over and she disappears to her happy place. Recently however, she bought Pokemon Black for the child in her family, and while she watched the kid play the game silently, entranced, the want to raise her own Pokemon consumed her. So after numerous negative answers to “Can I have a turn?” she decided to purchase Pokemon White for herself. And she and I have never been closer.

Last Saturday night we stayed in, because that’s what the cool kids do. But what makes us even cooler is that we stayed in, and played Pokemon for hours on end. The TV was on in the background but neither of us cared; our eyes weren’t looking anywhere except at our DS screens. For hours we sat in silence, not saying anything except throwing the odd curse word around or occasionally screaming “WEASEL BITCH, I’LL KILL YOU!” or “Oh my god it ate my berry. FAT SHIT GIVE IT BACK”. Communication with each other was minimal, but while very few words were spoken, we were bonding, both with each other, and our Pokemon.



Of course, the first thing I did after leaving her house was gush to anyone who would listen about how awesome it was to finally be able to share my love of video games with my best friend. It opened up a whole new channel of conversation topics I’ve never had before! And now it’s got me thinking, maybe Pokemon is just the first step. Maybe I can get her to battle her way through an RPG, or even throw herself into an MMO!

I used to think that people our age couldn’t be turned into gamers. I believed that if you were in your 20’s and you’d never heard the call of a video game console then the chances are you probably never would. But Pokemon has given me hope; it’s given me a shiny ray of sunshine to hold on to. Not only is the new instalment of this series fun to play, but it brings people together. It changes lives. And its reasons like this that I say ‘shutup and jump in a lake’ to all those who call it a repetitive money grubbing rehash of an old game. Sure that might be the case, but if you can diss Pokemon knowing that it’s a fun, enjoyable experience that can unite people and potentially stop wars (it could happen) then shame on you. FOR SHAME!