Jennacide

For those of you that aren’t aware, earlier this summer I escaped my city and whisked myself away to Queensland with some friends of mine. For my readers who don’t live in Aus, Queensland is the state directly above the one I call home (New South Wales). Queensland is a notable state of my country for a lot of reasons, but the main ones are as follows:

For some reason they always win the state of origin

It’s the home of Australia’s coolest theme parks

It’s where the Great Barrier Reef is

It’s the only place you’re going to find Yahtzee Croshaw’s Mana Bar.

It also recently got devastated by floods and an epic cyclone, which some NSW residents believe is pay back for whooping our ass at Origin every year. But mostly it’s just tragic and my heart goes out to all affected. (I can’t call myself an Aussie and talk about QLD without mentioning the tragedy that has befallen this lovely state. I just can’t)

Patriotism and devastation aside though, this article is about the wonderful Mana Bar.Yes I know I’ve already reviewed it for Kotaku (which you can find here) but I wrote that almost immediately after I got back. And it’s only recently that I’ve found myself realising just how awesome The Mana Bar truly is, so I thought I’d do another write up on it, this time one where my opinion isn’t restricted by the 500 word limit.

Prior to my Queensland trip I was kind of boring. I spent the majority of my time playing games or working, forever favouring a quiet night in instead of a wild night out. Since I got home however, I have become a whole new person. I cut off all my hair, dyed it purple, got my tattoo done and haven’t spent a Saturday night at home since (because it’s all aesthetics that define a person, right?) But since I’ve been spending all my nights out I’ve found myself really wishing I could transport myself back to The Mana Bar, because that is my perfect idea of fun.

The Mana Bar combined alcohol with video games in a perfect social surrounding. To be honest I expected to walk in there and get jumped by a bunch of neckbeards  but to my surprise everybody there was perfectly friendly and lovely and not the slightest bit creepy. There were couples, there were singles, there were men and women, and there were two hilarious drunk girls that stumbled around the bar going “Oh my god, it’s that guy from those video games! And oh my GOD, THERE ARE THOSE VIDEO GAMES? Can I play these? For real? OHMYGOD!”. They were definitely a fantastic part of my night. However, they didn’t wash their hands after leaving the bathroom and that just plain creeped me out. Bad drunk girls, bad bad drunk girls.

In Sydney we have x-box lounges, pubs and trivia nights. Why nobody in this city has thought to combine them all together is entirely beyond me. I suppose we come close with the inclusion of pokies, but just because they’re made by Konami doesn’t mean they classify as a video game. It really doesn’t.

The Mana Bar was a place I felt comfortable. Comfortable enough that I could drink and not care that I’d eventually start looking like a fool as I played the Wii. It was a place where I could spend hours in the bathroom staring at Duke Nukem and not be thought of as weird. It was a place where I could play Tetris against people who are actually good at that game and not feel like a tool when I lost.  But more than that, The Mana Bar is just really frickin’ awesome and fun, and whether you like games or not, you won’t leave there without a smile on your face.

My first impression of the bar was that it was kind of small, but after I wrote my Kotaku article it was brought to my attention that I had chosen one of their Chiptunes nights (which was fairly interesting in itself), meaning that the giant DJ table in the middle of the bar took up a lot of room. I have been assured that this isn’t always there, meaning that they can easily fit upwards of 50 people into the bar on a busy night.

This is good, because the bar is amazing, and really, more than 20 people should be able to enjoy it at a time.

Final Thoughts (because I know my readers have short attention spans)

• The Mana Bar is a fun, social, friendly place
• Game choice is changed often, keeping things fresh, new and exciting
• There is so much cool stuff written/drawn in the bathroom stalls you’ll be there for hours
• They have awesome cocktail names, which, to me, is enough reason to spend eternity there
• If, for some reason, you don’t feel like playing games, they also have trivia night (but you probably wanna get yourself looked at first)
• It’s a bar
• That has video games
• WHY AREN’T YOU THERE YET?

The Mana Bar can be found in Brisbane, but I’m not going to tell you where because I’m a writer. Not google maps.

Enjoy.

  It’s no secret that I generally dislike Apple and everything they do. I’m not one of those “if you own a Mac then we can’t be friends” types of people (well, I have been to a few, but that was just because they were mega lame anyway) but I do dislike the smug look on people’s faces when they walk around with an iPad under one arm and a Mac under the other. It makes me want to punch them in the jaw and rip out their ovaries (real men use PC’s).

However, as much as I despise Apple and their stupid annoying ads with their even more annoying music, there’s one thing I can’t deny them; they made a hell of an mp3 player.

My first ever purchase from my first ever job was an iPod mini. It was silver, it held about 1000 songs and it was my most favourite possession. I became enthralled with the EQ settings, wondering how the heck it could do that, and the fact that I could play games on it absolutely astounded me. From the ages of 14-17 my iPod and I were inseparable (as you should be when you spend every night for three years in bed together.)

This relationship came to an end on my 17 birthday however, as I finally had enough money to go out and buy me a kickass iPod classic. At 80GB it had a harddrive as big as my computer at the time. It could play videos, it could store photos, it could double as an external and it was in colour. Sure it was kinda bulky but as they say “love is blind.”

Well, love is blind until the thing you love really begins to piss you off. And my iPod classic began to do this in the start of our third year together. It would freeze on me randomly, the tracks began to skip and the battery gauge would jump all over the place. For a girl as shallow as me, this was more than enough for me to begin to hate the bloody thing and want a new one.

Thankfully I didn’t have to wait very long, as a very special person was very kind to me this Christmas, and now I am the proud owner of a sexy little iPod touch.

To me, the iPod touch is just amazing. It’s crazy that in a matter of a few years iPods went from being black and white to colourful touch screen gadgets that could play games, stream videos, surf the internet and (of course) play music. If I could put my first iPod and my current one next to each other (which, unfortunately I can’t do since I gave it to my rat of an ex-boyfriend) I think it would blow my mind just to look at the differences.

I used to despise touch screens with a passion, and I couldn’t understand why they were becoming all the rage. To protest this growth in popularity I went out and bought a phone with the most buttons I could find, and persuaded a lot of my friends to do the same thing. Anybody that voiced an opinion along the lines of “touch screens are cool” was immediately abused until they changed their mind. However, now that I’ve actually had an opportunity to use a touch screen at my own leisure, I’ve decided that maybe, possibly, on a very slight level not even worth bringing up, I was mistaken. A little.

The iPod touch is not a gaming device, no matter how many times the bloody Game Centre app pops up in front of my face, or how many cool little games people create for it. Anybody who buys one of these simply so they can call themselves a gamer is a tool.

What the iPod is, is entertaining. It’s handy, it’s useful, it’s easy to use. It’s portable, it’s fun, it’s social. Thought there are a few more features I’d like to see included, I’m extremely happy with this little product. And as someone who abhors everything Apple is, says and does, consider this a ringing shout of approval.

The iPod touch isn’t the cheapest mp3 player out there, but if you’re looking for something that can play you music, keep you entertained and secure your place within the social loop, it’s definitely worth the money you’ll pay.

Who am I?

I am Jenntly, a human noble turned Grey Warden sent to defeat the evil Darkspawn. In a past life I was Jennatalia, an elf who shared the same future. However my past self came into a rather unfortunate bout of suicidal depression when her beloved left, and thus Jenntly was created to take her place and do things right.

My tale is long, and it is arduous, but what people should take into account is that my tale is over. It is completed, and has been done so not once, but twice.

So what do I do, exactly?

As a Grey Warden, my number one priority is to defeat the arch demon and save the world. Or it’s meant to be, according to pretty much everybody else in the whole of Ferelden.
“Oh you’re a Grey Warden? How goes the Blight then?”
“Killed that archdemon yet, Warden?”
Never a “How’s your day been?” or “Would you like a drink that’s actually given to you rather than implied?”

Just because my main concern is meant to be the arch demon, doesn’t make it so. In fact, my number one priority didn’t have anything to do with demons (til he gets inside your tent anyway). His name: Alistair. Reason as to why he’s my number one: because he’s just so damn cute!

However, even without the added eroticism the world of Ferelden is lovely to experience. The elves homeland is lush and mystical, and the dwarf city is one drenched in lore. Caverns and temples have surprises at every turn and the wide range of enemies forever keeps me on my toes.

The sounds of Ferelden in particular are quite breathtaking. Each step crunches gravel and leaves under your feet and the wind whistles past you as you run to your next destination. Cities are filled with the chatter of townspeople and temples crumble and groan with each opened door. And that’s not to mention the lyrical magnificence of little miss Leliana as she serenades you.

Of course, all of us gaming vets know that any good RPG game can boast these things. Final Fantasy has been known for its beautiful landscapes and accompanying soundtrack and the worlds seen in World of Warcraft are just about as weird and colourful as they come. So what makes Dragon Age: Origins different?

You get to have sex.

Finally, the good bit.

As soon as it became apparent that Grey Wardens could save the world and fall in love, my tale got a lot steamier and sickeningly sweet than any other story I’ve ploughed a character through.

My time at camp slowly stopped being about outfitting my team with the best weapons and began being spent lavishing attention on Alistair so he’d pay attention to me. As Jenntly as I could (haha get it?) I began coercing Alistair into falling in love with me, and soon enough, he was there. However, to my dismay (more like pleasure, but anyway) many other characters began to feel the same way.

This led to many talks around the campfire about ‘that grey warden slut’ but those words didn’t bother me. I knew who my heart belonged to and the owner of said heart knew it too. Eventually I let the other contenders down lightly, informing them that I had made my choice and it was indeed, Alistair. Luckily for me they understood and didn’t come to my tent in the middle of the night wielding knives and pitchforks.

Just like a crush on a real person, my sordid love affair with the only other remaining Grey Warden produced a variety of emotions. There were butterflies, there was warmth, there were countless nights spent together in a stuffy tent making love to the cries of the darkspawn hoard that slowly surrounded us.

Of course, where there is sex, there is gossip, and boy did my party members do a lot of that. Well, not so much Sten, as he didn’t really do much of anything except shit all over my ideas. But everybody else raised questions, poked fun and gazed longingly at a love they wish they could possess.

Everybody needs something beautiful to gaze upon in times of trouble. Thankfully you’ve got me.

And then what?
In my past life, the romance with Alistair was cut short well before its time. In the end, Alistair decided that he couldn’t be with me any longer, and the spiral into depression began. It was like someone had taken the beautiful fire that burned inside me and struck it out without warning. For the remaining hours of playthrough I fought tooth and nail to bring Alistair back to me, but he wanted nothing of it. I was tempted to end it all then and there, but a little voice inside kept me going, saying that a sad ending is better than none at all.

Finally the story was over, and my romance with Alistair never resumed.

Jennatalia was then doomed to a life in stasis, never to be restored again. Not even to access special features or gain a 100% completion rating.

But now this tale belongs to Jenntly. And as this is being written, Alistair still very much belongs to me. I hope with every fibre in my Warden body that it will remain that way, but even if it doesn’t, I will always have the beautiful memories.

Dragon Age Origins: the game that broke my dry spell. Thankyou for 160 fantastic hours.