The End of Ryan Davis A New Start For Me

First off I'm no writer and certainly no creative wordsmith but here it goes.

I've been able to shutter serious emotions out of my life for a while now. Say what you will but, I swore to never get attached to things, or people because there is always an end and I hate endings. However driving home from work early due to being sick and seeing that Ryan Davis had passed broke something inside me. It took everything I had just to get home without breaking down. At first I couldn't place it. Of course I was sad that someone I've listened to and watched for 5 years is just suddenly gone but I only knew the Giant Bomb Ryan not the every day Ryan that Jeff and the rest knew. As I read more personal stories about Ryan as the day and the eventual night wore on I finally realized what it was I couldn't place. In one since envy, and in another sense longing. The personal stories of Ryan showed me that not only was every day Ryan the same as Giant Bomb Ryan but that he affected everyone he knew and even thousands that he didn't know. I realized that even though it may hurt the Ryan Davis way was far better then the way I had been progressing. I've never had the same type of relationship with friends as Ryan had with every one his co-workers and friends and realized what I was missing. The comradery he had with anyone he met and talked to is something that deep down inside I knew I wanted but never knew how to express. So with Ryan's passing I've made it a goal to be as open and caring as he was with people even though there is always an end. Even though he'll never know the ultimate difference he made in my life maybe in some way he will through the Giant Bomb community.

Take this for what you will, I know it sounds sappy and overplayed. Many others have expressed in better ways their feelings of Ryan but this is my way of saying good bye. Thanks Ryan for all the great moments. Good luck and have batman where ever you are.

10 Comments
10 Comments
Edited by Sanity

Well said, agree with this 100% as im also a very closed up person and tend to shield myself from people, i need to change that about myself as well.

Posted by SpudBug

Everybody says that it's weird to feel sad, but realize how many people are saying that, and nothing is weird about it.

Day two and i'm still breaking up about it.

Posted by Strife381

@jnal: I feel ya man, as a guy with little family and no friends emotions rarely get to me. But this, fuck. I didn't see this coming. I'm starting with being a better friend. Letting people know I care, then who knows. And good for you, life is way too short man

Posted by Athadam

Thanks for sharing this.

Posted by revolve

@jnal: Trust me, it's perfectly honest to feel the way you feel. Hell, I never met the man, but I've been in tears for the past hour(Which I'm sure the alcohol has something to do with) because, let's face it, for a lot of us, Ryan and the rest of the crew were a staple in our day to day activities. And now part of that has been taken from us, and it's hard to deal with that.

Posted by Jnal

@spudbug: Hell I was crying just writing it. So far the past 2 days I've gone from "No that isn't true" to "He's really gone" multiple times since reading it. My grandmother saw me at one point and asked why my eyes were red. There was really no way of explain to her sufficiently what had happened and why so I played it off as being part of me being sick. I did give her a really long hug though.

Edited by Miyuki

Thanks for sharing... I think it's really great that you are inspired to be more open. What a nice tribute!

Edited by Itwastuesday

I'm glad someone posted this because I was thinking the exact same thing. For some reason, this whole event makes me want to ditch the aspect of my personality which has all the shy, casually aloof avoidant bullshit.

Posted by Milkman

I feel the same way. This whole thing has made me look at my own life, my own friends and what they mean to me. Life is truly a gift. We should all cherish it more. It's what he would have wanted.

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Posted by CallMeTetris

Most definitely. I was thinking of writing something like this earlier, but couldn't find the energy or the right words. Remembering Ryan, and especially seeing others remember him, has had me thinking constantly about my life and the people I know, and as cheesy as it sounds, I just feel like I should be more like Ryan. Just earlier today I took some first steps in reconnecting with some people I've barely spoken to in years, and it feels great. Just wish I'd done it sooner, and that it didn't take a tragedy to inspire it.