By Juvi008ok 0 Comments
I've got to say, after seeing Conan The Barbarian I was super enthusiastic about the franchise. It had the balls to not pull any punches with it's sex and violence, not because it was trying to be gratuitous, but because that was the tone of the film. I enjoyed every bit of the movie. It was made in the early 80's and it certainly shows with more than a few face-palm moments, but I found them charming and humorous rather than annoying and idiotic.
The movie is so great because it isn't afraid to have it's lead be..well...a barbarian. He sleeps with pretty much every woman he comes in contact with, he kills lots of people with no remorse, and he keeps all his feelings to himself (even though you know what he's thinking). After every battle he never leaves unscathed, showing you that he isn't some superhero that can't be harmed. You see Conan get really messed up at one point, which is pretty cool. I also thought that the bond between him and his friends was very well played out. I felt attached to everyone.
Conan 1 had an ending that left you begging for a sequel, so naturally I couldn't wait to dive into the second.
I should have stopped while I was ahead. I have so many problems with Conan the Destroyer, and I hope to god you guys agree with me. First of all, Conan's right hand man from the first film is nowhere to be found. After fighting together and growing such a friendship how the hell can they replace him with some random white guy who shamelessly lives up to every stereotype of the pathetic side-kick that's only there for comic relief? Second of all, this movie takes everything that was great about the first film and throws it away, for a more "Hollywood friendly" film. Instead of getting a hard "R" rating, Destroyer is rated "PG". Are you fucking kidding me? I assume they made this sequel because the first movie was a smash hit. You'd think they would at least try to keep the formula somewhat in check.
Honestly Conan is almost unrecognizable other than the fact that it's Arnold Schwarzenegger with long hair. He keeps wining about his dead girlfriend and how he wants her back....but in the first film he was so closed off that he wouldn't even shed a tear when she died! The majority of the film has Conan protecting this virgin girl while they travel across the land. In the first movie he would've had her naked in a few minutes. In this one he just gets drunk and mumbles to her about how he misses his girlfriend. All of the fighting is toned down, with mostly off camera slashing, or bonking people on the head with blunt objects. It feels more like that awful Dolph Lundgren He-man movie than anything close to a successor to Conan the Barbarian. After watching the special features for the first film and seeing all the planning and thought that went into it. All of the things they had planned for a series of films every couple of years in the vein of James Bond. I looked at the back of the case for the second movie and noticed that the writers and director were completely different. What a damn shame. I can't help but think about what could have been if only the original film makers stayed in charge.
I hate it. But this made me feel better.