Final Fantasy XIV βeta Impressions - Character Creations: Birth of Mud Butt

Gentlemen (and Ladies),

Life is a beautiful thing. Sometimes life gives birth two a beautiful daughter that I so longingfully want and other times it will give you Randy Pitchford (can someone say topical!). Square Enix gave birth to the former many years ago in the shape of Vana'diel. Back when your favorite poster Kaos was a wee kid in his late teens, he played some FFXI. A Red Mage, to be honest.

Best MMO of his life. Sadly, ended up having a life and didn't have time for MMOs. Thus bring us to the story of FFXIV 1.0 and if I could describe it in anyway, I would have to say it was like I was forced to endure playing DOTA 2 with Russians on my team.

But, Square with their somehow mysterious infinite money decided to delay Nomura's FFVersus XIII and KH3 to fix up FFXIV.

Thus, we have 2.0 mother fuckers. Over the course of the months in βeta I will be doing a blog talking about my experiences in this 2.0. Pending how soon my military orders come (which are due in a couple weeks at most).

Let's start off with Character creation.

What better way to make a character than to get my beautiful fiance to help me out. So I decided to share my screen with her. We both agreed neko slut.

You got the usual shin-dings of how to make her look. But for fun I decided to strip the cat to her panties and ask Ashley how long her tail should be. She said short.

She also isn't a cat person. Oh well.

There's also the size of her bust. I picked very large. Ashley pointed out that I am indeed a male and as such, she agreed it should be this way.

Then we messed around with how she looks.

Ta-da. I present to you Mud Butt.

Overall we are proud of our work. Sadly, all good things come to a close and when I hit confirm Squeenix said servers were loaded so we had to start of scratch.

Ashley said she's gonna get a drink so now we wait to remake Mud Butt.

Coming from 1.0, this is a much better improvement. Not much has changed from the Alpha build but I'll keep you guys updated with how the βeta is once I log in.

Character creation is okay. I mean, I'm playing as a fucking cat girl. Not much to expect.

Currently hype for FFXIV 2.0 - meh


Sony's Sexist Industry - A World I Don't Want to Be In

Gentlemen (and Ladies),

As a gamer with a penis, I was highly offended that last night's gaming conference for the PS4 was nothing more than a sausage fest. Out of the 20+ "industry leaders and experts", not a single one of them showcased a woman. The most we got were a group of people watching a woman live stream (with respectable clothes on...unlike the average female live streamer) and a woman who played drums with a controller that will change the industry forever (again).

Now with all these talks about the industry not liking women let me say something, again as a human being that gives seeds, let me say that sites like Kotaku, Huffington Post, and Anita Sarkeesian are right. This industry is messed up and sexist.

Why do you need to have expertise in engineering or software encoding or hardware building to speak at the PS4 event? Why not allow a female marketer talk to the people instead of these elitist men who were spoon fed masters in engineering? Clearly the problem isn't that females don't go into engineering fields but rather the industry's fault to not promote females to the head of engineering who take other subjects like business or communications or even medical.

Damn straight Lizzy. I too won't be buying a PS4 and will buy a Wii-U because Nintendo had females at their Nintendo Direct Videos these past months.

Again valid point Lizzy. EA being the sexist bastards they are. Not having protagonists who star in a game about running and not firing weapons.

In the military the vast majority of engineering officers are male. Clearly the US military is sexist. Hell, in my Squadron our computer engineering officers are all male.

The problem isn't females aren't going into hard since majors. Trust me, the women are right here. Kotaku is right. Even Anita is right. The problem is the industry hates women. Why should women have to go into engineering like men?

When my soon to be wife pops out my daughter, I'll make sure she knows that she won't have to go into hard science majors. She deserves to be spoon fed, and by the gods she will be.

Fly, fight, win duders..


Girlfriend Drew Snake, Arthur, Phoenix, and A Turtle...Marry Me!

Sup fools,

Been busy at the fine establishment of military language school. Fun fact, it's fucking hard. It's 4 years of college in about 50 weeks and you don't have a choice but to score at least 89% at all times. Even then graduation isn't promised. When there's a brick wall you slam through it breaking every bone because there's another wall behind that to break down. Already in my class a few military are dangerously close to losing everything they worked hard for...and the crazy part is they already spent half a year in this program.

So to ease the pain, my wonderful, and beautiful girlfriend has been drawing me pictures. I figure I share them and ask what you guys then of my future wife's artist skills. She says she's horrible but I don't think so.

First off Arthur - After A Long Arthur Marathon with Her
My Current Mobile Lock Screen, Completely Original From Her
Her Work On Something She's Never Seen, But Tried!
Drew It And Cut It Out for Me!

I know who I want to spend the rest of my life with, and it's an amazing feeling. She says when the time is right I'm not allowed to spend more than $300 on the engagement ring because she's always had to be safe with money and that money is better spent on our children's savings. But little does she know my plan is to go to a jeweler in the Middle East to get her a custom made ring because no amount of money is good enough to say I love you enough. I think I'll propose in the coming months. Gotta do it a the beach too!

So, aside from the first try Snake picture...I think she's wonderful at it. What say you lot?


Free-to-Play; Or Gifts to Older Gamers

Sup nerds,

Legit post here, and it's something that's been on my mind for a bit. I'm not getting younger, and I am having fewer and fewer days, hours, and seconds to play games. The games I do play happen to be mostly mobile or on my iPad.

Lately I've been playing a game called Blacklight Retribution, it's like a game called Call of Duty, but free. Well not free, I liked it enough I bought the 10 bucks starter pack on Steam and I still like it enough. For the most part, I've been Skyping with my girlfriend while I play this and it's been very relaxing.

I also bought Max Payne 3 this week for 30 bucks. Never finished it and got bored. Put more hours into Blacklight and paid a third of the price, which was optional. I really don't get why people bitch about free-to-play. You can spend 60 bucks on F2P games and have all the shit you would have in a real game, fuck me...most F2P games only let you buy cosmetic gear and not game-play what's the fucking problem?

You see, I get up every morning at 5 a.m. and finish my Duty day around 5 p.m., I then have a 2 hour study hall in which it's strongly recommended everyone goes to from 6:30 p.m. until 8:30 p.m., so basically I'm not getting back into the dorms until 9 p.m. in which I should at least study a little more. Plus I have mandatory PT couple times a week.

I know most of you work a lot more, or have more jobs. The older folks here don't have time as a luxury.

So why spend 60 bucks on games in which most of the time we won't finish. Free-To-Play is good, they're getting a lot better and for us people who have a busy day/week it helps playing for quick 20 min sessions and relaxing. The thing I like about Blacklight is that all matches are timed on 10 minute matches so I know I can always get a round in every hour or so.

Sure I can buy new shit in the game, or I cannot. I can easily unlock shit by playing or I can unlock it by buying if I feel like I enjoy the game enough. No one is at fault.

I still don't get why people hold it as a stigma. DOTA2 is F2P, TF2 is, LoL (which sucks), loads of new F2P games are on Steam.

If this is part of the future of gaming I'm all for it. Fuck, I hope it is the future of multiplayer gaming. Sure I'll try and make a full weekend to finish a short 7 hour story but I'm sure as fuck not paying 60 bucks for it, at least not anymore.


VERY NSFW ADULTS ONLY - Crispness of Military Desks + Boobs

Gentlemen (and Ladies),

Went out of base today to try some home made Californian food at the local shop called "Jack in the Box", very culturally important to people in California. While I was eating there I saw a fairly overweight fat kid eating with his hands as his mother said he would get big and strong, I observed the fat kid eating his delicious home made Californian food as it got me thinking. I've become a fairly neat person over the few months, as some of you might remember I lived in Tokyo going to Keio University.

This is my room from a few years back living in Japan.

As you can see all my items are in a pile, disorganized and dare I say, a little messy. I used to bring women home to this place to make love. No, I lied...I never had sex with a woman in my Japanese room. You hear that babe? I never had sex in my room in Japan, I promise.

Anyways, this is how I used to live. Party 24/7, it was amazing and frankly my stupider phase in life.

Now then, I'm in the military now. Got higher do I fair?

Look at the crisp desk. Diablo III proudly placed at the apex of the desk, with my collection of 3DS and DS games on the opposite side. The second love of my life, the Alienware X51 with my premier LED screen. Two water bottles of PT, the noble Quran along side my Airman's Manual...and my friends, on the chair is my proudest achievement in the fleece.

It's an amazing piece of clothing that I always wear be it on duty or off because the weather in Monterey is absolute shit. Dust free, stain free, and perfectly clean. All day, everyday, all year, every year.

Your tax payer money turned the room above into the room below.

Remember nerds, you can do anything if you set your mind to it.

Now for the breasts.

Terrible joke image removed - The Mods

See you on the far side, you perverts.


EXTREME NSFW ADULTS ONLY - DOTA2 روشن or a Metaphor for Life

Gentlemen (and Ladies),

Today I don't see as many fat kids due to being on a military base for most my day, however yesterday I saw a very chubby boy trying to pick up a baseball that was thrown at him, poor kid couldn't bend down...and it got me thinking I have played a lot of DOTA2, won a lot of games too. Let's talk about this baby.

In Farsi the word روشن means "bright", in DOTA there is a netural creep called روشن. He's a dragon that shines the brightness in the darkness with the power of light while being a being of night. Anyways, the dude is called Roshan and he's awesome. Let's talk about what this concept is and what it means to be human.

But first, the official song of the thread:

Now play this song and listen to this rhyme that I spit out to save the world from the light with the power of darkness from the light. In the game of DOTA2 two teams combat in an epic battle of sides. The sides of good and evil, the sides of light and dark, the sides of democratic warriors and freedom hating snakes, basically it's a battle of COD.


DOTA is COD but overhead. Now let's talk about this, DOTA. DOTA stands for Divinity of the Aristotelian, when IceFrog made DOTA he picked this name because his family came from the cult of Roshan in Iran. This being was a dragon like monster that fought the darkness while also being a monster of darkness. It was a contraction! Yes a contraction! Much like IceFrog's rip from his former LoL creators buddies.

Anyways, let's talk Roshan. Roshan can make or break a team, he gives you a free amount of 200 gold and JUST ONE warrior of light is given the right to overcome death just once.

This is a concept beyond the reach of our scope so let's break it down. One person out of five is given the right to live once more. Once more to breathe life into a world of darkness, once more to fight for the warrior of light, once more to become the one who "can". Oh no my friends, they aren't the first to be divided nor are they the first to be reunited.

Let this concept sink in, after 40-60 minutes of battling to tooth and nail one team will slay Roshan, and out of this team only one of the five will be given the divine right to live once more after death. The tides of battle are to be held in the hands of one man who save not just his team but also his pride. You see, the one who is given the right to become the legend in the battlefield is the one who is targeted by all others.

The one who holds the right to breathe again.

Life you are given the chance to re-do something in your life, sure you might fight for it...but you always have an option to redo choices in your life. Listen folks, I once made love in the darkness of the moon and danced with a princess who was born from the feathers of a me.

Life got you down?

Feel like the world isn't there?

Good. Guess what, the world isn't there. You're there. Just you.

You can. You will. You know you can.

You are the brightness, you are the light. You can be the one in DOTA who changes the tide of war. You can slay Roshan and carry a boon of light to your teammates.

Don't be a bitch and give up.

You see this? My team was down a player, and guess what...I carried. I carried and I carried the light.

Never give up bitches. Never. You know who gives up? Germans in WW2, don't be Germans in WW2.

I can.


NSFW Blog - The Return of Kaos, FLY FIGHT WIN EDITION

Gentlemen (and Ladies),

I was at the local BX watching a very fat kid eat his favorite chocolates while being poked in the stomach by a raccoon as I was shopping for a new pair of green socks, when it got me thinking...this board needs more NSFW.

Oh before I get started, this is the official song of this thread, no other song:

So what have I been playing?

I beat Alan Wake yo. I beat that game like I beat...oh damn, can't make that joke anymore. Can't make many of them. Anyways, let's talk Alan Wake and how it's a metaphor for the angelic being that stands before you. Alan Wake, he's a boss...kinda insane and stupid, but he's a boss. Alan Wake did it for his hoe, and by hoe I mean that in a respectful way. Alan Wake is a byproduct of the product of the abomination of the Obama Nation, oh wait I think I got those lyrics mixed up with my thoughts. Uh...where was I? Fat kids! Alan Wake's ending sucked by the way.

Oh a serious note, been playing a lot of DOTA2. Got dozens and dozens of hours logged on so far.

Colin Powers. Austin Powers. What?

Let's talk DOTA2, I'm flawless with Drow, Sniper, Riki, and BH. Can you hear the beat of the endless spiral of beats?

NSFW is back.

Now, I want to know what's been going on with the community, what are the in games here?

See you kids after duty hours.


Hello Gentlemen (and Ladies),

So I was watching this fat kid talk about the legend of KaosAngel and it got me thinking,

Long time no see, huh? I guess I've been away. Dunno what to really say.

I'm in the USAF now as a Linguist. Studying one of the Middle Eastern languages I don't know, the USAF decided they rather me stay in the area of the Middle East so they shot-down my request for Chinese/Korean. Anyways, what I miss?

A lot has changed, or has a lot not changed?

PS. I fucking hate PT.

PS2. Being a Linguist in the military is the hardest fucking thing I've done with my life and that's a fuck ton harder than what I did for Aircrew training.

EDIT: I have a TS Clearance so the "bat-shit-crazy Kaos posts" are a 100% no go, I had to fork over my online aliases during my TS interview because one of my smart-ass friends decided to tell the FBI that I was a "popular" online ID. Yes, the FBI interviews all your family and friends and enemies when you are on TS Clearance.

EDIT2: Ask me anything about military life, anything I can say. I've done Aircrew training, currently in beautiful Monterey, and haven't done SERE yet. I'm studying 2 Middle Eastern languages and I get paid a lot to study and PT.

EDIT3: To all the new guys...nice to meet you.'s about time.


Climbing Mt. Fuji, A Look Back (With Pictures!)

So, my birthday is officially done and it was the first one I had in the a very long time.  I think the last time I had one in the States was back when I was  17, all other years were in Tokyo, Saudi Arabia, Europe, or Pakistan.   
Looking back, I think the birthday that will never leave my head is the one I spent climbing Mt. Fuji in the damn hail.  Keep in mind, I had no plans to do it in hail, and it just randomly happened during the trip. 

The pictures on the top were on the train to get to Mt. Fuji, which alone is a feat of it's own.  That's me many years ago, still a kid...I think I was a junior back in Business School then.  The train is one of those steamy "choo-choo" trains, and it gives you a pretty nice few of the country side of Japan.  Keep in mind, I'm a city guy, and I dislike anything that's green. 

When you get to the location from train, you need to take a bus to the 5th Station of Mt. Fuji, and there's 10 or 8 Stations all together.  The 5th Station is the highest the bus will take you, and the rest you need to climb.  I heard you can climb up to the 5th Station but it takes a couple days, and requires legit camping gear with buddies to truely enjoy.  This is was a trip for myself on my Birthday, so I couldn't do that.   The 5th station is crowded with merchants, fog, people screaming, horses, and whatnot.  It's a nice calm before the storm, and a nice peace knowing of all the people who tried or will be trying to climb Mt. Fuji.   

The Entrance, Warning Signs, and A Message of Hope For Those Who Enter 
Yup, that's the last warning sign to let people know checkpoints from here on out are sparse, and should have proper food and water if you plan to go higher and higher.  Most people just take the smaller route that can be finished in an hour and then walk back, it's nice and romantic.  Sadly, it wasn't meant for me...there were other things planned, things I had to do alone. 

This was the path I tooked, it was already foggy, and few people willing to take the road I was taking.  Yet I knew I had to do it, something in my heart was burning for it, and my soul knew it had to connect with the heart.  My heart was racing, I was really doing it...I was really starting the climb.  I was scared, but at the same time, something in my body was pushing for me to I was meant to make it to the top on that very day. 

Moving on up, not yet above the clouds, yet I was about to be embraced by them.  The cold, the oh so very cold on a hot summer day.  A guy climbing asked if I was Japanese, and I told him no.  He told me I was the first "gaijin" to climb that he had seen, which took me back a bit.  He asked to take my picture and I said sure why not.  I don't remember the full details now, but I do remember I told him it was my birthday, and he laughed and said that "kami" would have a surprise for me. 

Moving up higher, and higher.  Finally being able to touch the clouds.  There was no turning back now, I spent a few hours already walking it, I couldn't give up.  I kept moving, I kept believing in myself that I could do it.  This was a hard hill to climb. 

I took a break at a high up station, I think it was the 7th.  I stopped for some corn soup, and met with some workers who lived on Mt. Fuji, and some other hikers.  They were singing songs, and talking, and some stared at me.  They asked what I guy like me was doing climbing Fuji-Sama, I just told them I had to.  Something was calling for it.  The workers liked the story so much, they didn't charge for the soup.   Things weren't this good though, and it would get a lot worse. 

It started to hail, and I had to keep walking.  This was also the time my iPhone started to lose it's charge due to me dropping it in the hail (had to change tracks to pump me up).  So I was stuck without music, and a dying phone.  So I can't show how the path leads on, but let me tell's hard and you need that walking stick I had.   

Oh, this was the last thing I ate that day.  Rice, fish, miso-soup, and salad.   
Was it worth it?  All this climbing?  What would I gain from it?  Would I better myself as a person, or would I just ignore it like any other day? 
Before I show you the climax, I want to ask you...what drives you to do something.  For me, I just randomly decided to climb it, and I was faced with storms of hail, a bitter cold, and friends I could only meet once...but ones I would remember forever.  Is the climax worth all this?  Here I was, a kid, unknown to the world, climbing the biggest mountain in the bitter cold hell. 

I saw a sunrise, the most beautiful sunrise in my life.  During the sunrise, I saw something even more grand.  I saw a bird flying off in the distance.  I know what I saw, and I know I'm mocked by friends and family about it...but in my heart, I know it to be the truest of truths.  I was above the heavens for the first time in my life, I was higher than clouds, and could feel the warmth of the sun.  I wasn't shivering anymore...I was so resolved.  Sorry about the picture being upside down, for some reason...the iPhone started to screw up when I got to the top.   
That's my story of my best birthday, ever.  It's something that everyone has to try, and it's worth it.  It's a lot of pain, a lot of suffering, and a lot of hardships.  
Many years ago, people used to climb Fuji-Sama to clean their sins from the ashes.  To clean their hearts from evils, and to give them a second chance.  
EDIT:  Oh, I had to climb that bastard back down too!  >.>

From CheapyD to Giant Bomb

Sorry, some pictures are sideways.  I saw Jean Snow again and he glady signed my Arcade Mania (which I got that day hah).  Now, we need to restart the KZ2 GB vs CAG games! 
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