Nick visit and frustration

Dear Diary,
So I hung out with Nick today, he's a good guy.  I keep telling him he needs to watch his weight though but it's just not getting through.  I mean if you're going to gorge yourself on milk and cookies (and who knows what else) within a short period of time each year then it's going to build up.  I don't understand how he can eat that much to be honest.  He says he doesn't eat for days before but all that does is slow down his metabolism.  Oh well, not much I can do about it, I love the guy like a brother but you can't make someone change overnight.  It was good to see Jessica though, she's always pleasant.  Nick really got a good one there.  I want someone to be with but every time I go one a date the two kids in my back basket start all chiming in and talking to her about how I'm a really unpleasant fellow and I don't really have a good job.  I mean obviously no one is going to fall for me if they think my skills with children are terrible.  I can't help that I have two kids strapped to my back, I'm fucking Krampus!  It's just what I do and who I am!  It isn't like I'm going to do that with our kids, if we had any.  I mean I might be down with eating them but only if she was cool with it.  I don't want to cross any boundaries.  But then again I would need a girl first.  It's lonely being Nick's winter companion.  Sure I get to torture all the bad kids and I won't even go into the who 'r' word.  All I can say is evil demon Christmas creatures need love to.  You know what I mean?