By L33tfella_H 9 Comments
[Disclaimer: 99% of this blog post is satire, do not attempt to take seriously or look into it deeply.]
G.O.D pure (Gently Otherwise Donated)
So here's some game, it's called G.O.D pure (the G.O.D part apparentaly stands for Grilled Over Done or something like that), and i'll give you a quick review of it in about 2 minutes. I don't speak japanese, so i'll judge the game based on the 3 and a half seconds i've played of it.
So the menu, i dunno it's....it's got 2 things...i pressed one and managed to start the game. Then i saw who made this game and told myself that if i ever got the chance, i'd tell them to release their game in english next time. So as i start the game, i see the moon (or some planet, probably uranus) and then it slowly moves away to reveal there's another planet behind it (might be earth, might not be).
So we next see some 3 year old in bed, and his momma's telling him something (probably how she hates him and wishes she'd used a rubber when she had sex with the town drunk), and there's like 3 boxes of text, which i think is just his mother telling him how much of a loser he is, and how he should've been a doctor or a lawyer, but he turned out to be a 9 year old, and all the other mothers made fun of her cause of this. We then get to name the little bastard, probably cause the mother didn't bother to when he was born (people probably just point at him to address him). There's alot of stuff i could call him, but i just ended up calling him 3 Upside-Down L's. Cause that's what you'd name a kid, right? Also he looks like Ness From Earthbound, which made me realize that Earthbound was actually in english so i finished naming him and tried to get this game over with so i could play a game i can understand.
So after walking around 4 rooms where i couldn't do anything, i finally talked to momma and she presented me with a list (probably the names of Foster Homes where i could go live), and then and there i accidentaly closed the game and went and played Earthbound. So
this game...it's like a 3 and a half, visuals are cute and shit, there's some good family drama dialogue, and the kid looks like Ness from Earthbound, so it was pretty good. Join me next time, when i play some more stuff i randomly found and decided to download.