You know, a lot of mother fuckers have been writing blogs recently. And I mean a lot of mother fuckers. I'm not sure what the deal is, but everyone seems to think that they have an opinion on things and that they matter.

Well guess what, world, I matter too and I have opinions, probably more opinions than everyone else combined, and it's time that I had a blog too.

But if there's one thing that pisses me off more than anything else, it's that all these blogs are about video games. Who the fuck even cares about video games anymore, I mean really? Video games? When was the last time anyone actually cared about video games? I'll tell you when.

NEVER.

So I'm turning this shit on it's head. I'm going to write the world's first, greatest, and only video game blog that isn't about video games.

Am I making waves yet? Well sit your asses down and strap your life jackets on tight because we're just in the eye of the storm, the storm of change.

Not only is this blog going to cover a wide range of controversial and thought provoking topics of discussion on a weekly basis probably, but it's also going to be about how much I fucking hate video games. I have a lot of things to say about video games, and most of them are not good. In fact I would go so far as to say they are rude, foul, unwarranted, offensive, and above all both crudely conceived and written.

So let's get the revolution train underway with today's topic.

Mother Fucking Waiters and Why They Don't Deserve My God Damn Money

So I want to start this blog off with a somewhat controversial topic, and that is all these fucking waiters stealing my god damn money "because."

Okay listen up, society, because I have a bone to pick with you. Why does this jack ass 16 year old that just happens to have the shit job of couriering food to my table deserve a fucking tithe just because "it's hard." You know what a lot of jobs are hard. I haven't exactly had the best working experience, but no one thought to ever thought to just hand twenty bucks when I was a jack ass 16 year old, why is it that I have to pay this asshole just because he has to interact with me, a paying customer who doesn't want to give this jerk my money?

You know I hear a lot of bull shit arguments for why you should tip, so instead of trying to justify common fucking sense I've opted to demolish all of these one by one, gladiatorial arena style.

Overwhelmingly the biggest advocacy I hear for tipping is because waiting is apparently the hardest fucking job in the world and they deserve our extra cash for all the bull shit they have to deal with. Well someone fucking explain to me what it is their doing that I couldn't do myself? I came to this god damn restaurant to eat nice food I can't cook, not to have some fucking high school kid pour a coke in my lap and forget my order. To further illustrate my point I've constructed a detailed list of things a waiter can do that I could not do myself.

I tip my barber because I can't cut fucking hair, they provide me with a service that I could not perform on my own. They earn that shit. Waiters are a fucking disservice, they are actively making my life harder than it needs to be with their fucking bull shit. Pretty much any place that uses a fucking ticket system gets this shit right. I order food, they call my god damn number, I got get the god damn food, and I got eat my god damn food. Tide goes in, tide goes out. Never a miscommunication.

Bringing up this counterpoint usually results in the fucking waiter white knight brigade playing that "this is the only job they can get and they really need to money card." Well you know what, fuck you. You know who else needs money? The people in the fucking kitchen. I've talked with people who have been waiters in their past lives and again and again what I hear is that with tips they make significantly more money than anyone in the kitchen. Yeah these aren't fucking 5 star gourmet restaurants these assholes are working at, but that's still pretty fucking sad. The people doing actual work are getting paid just above minimum wage for literally standing within the bowels of hell for eight hours a day, I've seen those fucking kitchens that shit is crazy, while these fucking cunts waiting tables are getting paid out the ass in tips they don't even have to pay taxes on.

I read a wikipedia article so I know this is fact.

And whenever someone actually thinks to rewards those cretins making their food for once it's "Send my compliments to the chef." Yeah real good job their money bags, I'm sure those compliments will help the guy grilling your fat ass a 12 ounce steak will appreciate your charitable donation while Johnny dip shit is toking up with his friends behind Wal-Mart with half your fucking bill.

So the short of it is if you tip, fuck you. Tipping is fucking stupid and you should feel ashamed.

Go give your fucking money to charity if you have so much extra cash that you can just throw it at some dumb ass whose just going to go spend it on Madden and blow.

The ONE Video Game I Actually Enjoyed Playing

I was going to write something about Vampire the Masquerade: Bloodlines but I can't be assed to go boot it up and take screen shots so guess what you get to hear about Battlefront II instead.

It's a good game and you really should have bought it while it was on sale.

I'm going to go play Planescape now, here is a screen shot from Animaniacs on the Gameboy.

Until next week.

Probably.

Hey, you're almost at 4,000 posts! Don't waste that 4,000th on something stupid.

Is this supposed to be satire?

@Manatassi said:

Is this supposed to be satire?

No.

@MooseyMcMan: There you go.

@LordXavierBritish: NOOOOO!!!! You wasted it on something stupid! The way it should be!

Oh dear... Oo

I approve of this blog, and that's why I'm posting.

I agree with the tipping waiters things. I don't get it either.

This blog has enlightened me. I have seen the errors of my ways and shall never blog about video games ever again.

Huh...I think of tipping as a more free market style of paying your waiter. Think about it this way: the restaurant owner has left it up to YOU, the consumer how much the service was worth. The other option is the restaurant owner decides for you what the service is worth and tacks it onto the bill (like a fixed % service fee or to raise the price of everything). If you get shitty service but awesome food, you can vote with your $ and leave a small tip. Conversely, if the waiter sets you up, you can pay more for that good service. Waiting tables isn't harder than my job, its actually quite a bit easier. But it is more annoying. I don't have to collect peoples uneaten food and I like it that way.

Fast food restaurants decide what the service is worth and charge you for it. McDonalds has decided what the service their employees (little to none) are going to provide and then tacked that onto the cost of a McShit Burger. I don't know if you've ever eaten at a 5 star restaurant, but it is a vastly different experience than having a plastic tray dropped onto the counter in front of you while someone says "next in line please".

There are a lot of misconceptions about waiters, actually.

See, there are two types of waiters. Type A is the dickweed delinquent you described in your post. They are insufferable, useless sacks of vomit who profit off of making your entire experience miserable, so long as they don't make it miserable enough that you never walk into the establishment again.

Type A waiters deserve a nice good pee in the face.

Type B waiters on the otherhand are the guys who deserve to be paid. And no, they it's not that they deserve pity cash for having to converse with customers. Often times customers aren't that bad. No, what these guys have to deal with is much worse.

See, Type B waiters are the culinary equivalent of those Asian kids in highschool who would get in trouble for an A- on their report card. They have to know every single item on the menu by heart, every ingredient and every fucking spice on it. If you ask them what the specials are they will paint with their tongue the most vivid picture of a calzone that has ever been wrought upon the world. And they won't ever stop.

Endless fucking calzones, eclipsing the horizon.

They are tortured, you see, forcefed every food product and forced to write an essay on it. And if they mispronounce Rødgrød med fløde, then it's their fucking ass.

These poor saps deserve every cent they get.

@FEnergyLegs said:

Rødgrød med fløde

What the fuck did you just call me?

@FEnergyLegs said:

Endless fucking calzones, eclipsing the horizon.

This is the best thing anyone has ever said.

@SoldierG654342 said:

@FEnergyLegs said:

Endless fucking calzones, eclipsing the horizon.

This is the best thing anyone has ever said.

The manliest of men will shed a single tear, should this day ever come to fruition.

Mmm-hmmm...yea...yea, this will do just fine:
 
  

You're my favourite blog poster guy on this whole site. Hooray for you.

Tips aren't required, only tip someone well if they perform an good-exceptional service. A lot of wait staff in America don't even make minimum wage since tips are expected. I guess it's the restaurant's way to get skilled workers?

Also, this whole blog seems like a Maddox rip off, but that's not such a bad thing. It was an entertaining read.

nice blog right there. tips are just something people give. i tip all the time but yeah, i kind of agree.

My god! Reality as I perceive it has been turned on its head and given a thorough spanking!

Beast Wars. Awesome.

I love it, I LOVE IT!

So your Larry David then?

Lies, all lies.

I swear I've seen this whining about waiters in a gazillion blogs on here before. So not everyone on here seems to just care about video games

This blog so much sense its actually scary.

@GreggD said:

@FEnergyLegs said:

Rødgrød med fløde

What the fuck did you just call me?

Red porridge with cream...it's quite delish!

This is why Asia is great. You don't tip ANYONE in Asia. Unless you're a stupid foreigner. I go there, I don't tip my waiter. I don't tip my taxi driver. I don't tip my hair stylist (yes, in Korea I go to a stylist because, I'm in mother fuckin Korea). Everything is labeled exactly what it costs. Also, EVERYTHING IS LABELED EXACTLY WHAT IT COSTS. The taxes are not added at the sales end. If a bag of chips says it's 500, it's 500, not 548.23.

Also, great blog. Tipping sucks! But I'll still do it when I'm state side. Though in my defense, I weild my tipping like a goddamn broad sword. If I get shitty service, you can bet your ass they'll know I wasn't happy by the incredibly low amount of free money I'm. . . still. . . damn. . I'm still ashamed.

Next week, 'What's the deal with airline peanuts?' This actually gave me a laugh, good stuff.

Well this thread is going to be 20 pages of tipping arguments. I suppose that was your intent, so congratulations I guess.

swearing a lot makes whining funny right?

I like this blog.

Although I did just have a creepy sex dream about Zoe Saldana, so I'd pretty much like anything right now.

Good job.

Wage inadequacies equate to a direct failure of capitalism. An encorced living wage is the answer to this market failure, tipping is a highly inefficient way of bridging the wage deficit.

I've conquered the galaxy so many times...so many times

Why you tip: because in many food service jobs, the hourly salary is below minimum wage and tips are factored into it to make the pay legal.  In those cases, they aren't getting paid extra.  They are just getting paid.

Wage inadequacies equate to a direct failure of capitalism. An encorced living wage is the answer to this market failure, tipping is a highly inefficient way of bridging the wage deficit.

I only tip waiters that are actually worth it. And he/she really has to be good at what they're doing. I don't get the US "you must tip everyone" rule. What the hell.

I always order from the bar when I can. Bartenders don't waste your time, they're busy enough already, and they're always right there when you're ready to pay.

That's also part of why ramen bars are so awesome.

@FEnergyLegs said:

There are a lot of misconceptions about waiters, actually.

See, there are two types of waiters. Type A is the dickweed delinquent you described in your post. They are insufferable, useless sacks of vomit who profit off of making your entire experience miserable, so long as they don't make it miserable enough that you never walk into the establishment again.

Type A waiters deserve a nice good pee in the face.

Type B waiters on the otherhand are the guys who deserve to be paid. And no, they it's not that they deserve pity cash for having to converse with customers. Often times customers aren't that bad. No, what these guys have to deal with is much worse.

See, Type B waiters are the culinary equivalent of those Asian kids in highschool who would get in trouble for an A- on their report card. They have to know every single item on the menu by heart, every ingredient and every fucking spice on it. If you ask them what the specials are they will paint with their tongue the most vivid picture of a calzone that has ever been wrought upon the world. And they won't ever stop.

Endless fucking calzones, eclipsing the horizon.

They are tortured, you see, forcefed every food product and forced to write an essay on it. And if they mispronounce Rødgrød med fløde, then it's their fucking ass.

These poor saps deserve every cent they get.

Dude, they totally deserve pity cash, having to deal with people like the ones posting in this thread.

Henceforth, I shall be tipping extra to compensate for the ones who don't, thus retaining the status qou, and denying the the OP the global change in diner ettiquette he obviously so sorely craves.

@Turambar: No i mean a living wage, which is why I said living wage and not minimum wage.

give back my 5 mins

Waitresses/Waiters make like 4$ an hour, and make it up in tips. It is kind of fucked up not to tip them if they were OK at their job.

Waitresses/Waiters make like 4$ an hour, and make it up in tips. It is kind of fucked up not to tip them if they were OK at their job.

@Chop said:

@YoThatLimp said:

Waitresses/Waiters make like 4$ an hour, and make it up in tips. It is kind of fucked up not to tip them if they were OK at their job.

Don't they get bumped up to at least min wage if they don't make the difference in tips?

The only experiencing I have into the life of a waiter/waitress is through my mom, and nope. She made 3$ and got to keep her tips. It really sucks because it puts all the power in the hands of the owner/person seating the customers.

@Chop said:

@YoThatLimp said:

Waitresses/Waiters make like 4$ an hour, and make it up in tips. It is kind of fucked up not to tip them if they were OK at their job.

Don't they get bumped up to at least min wage if they don't make the difference in tips?

The only experiencing I have into the life of a waiter/waitress is through my mom, and nope. She made 3$ and got to keep her tips. It really sucks because it puts all the power in the hands of the owner/person seating the customers.

This guy is funny, I approve!

@lazyturtle said:

Huh...I think of tipping as a more free market style of paying your waiter. Think about it this way: the restaurant owner has left it up to YOU, the consumer how much the service was worth. The other option is the restaurant owner decides for you what the service is worth and tacks it onto the bill (like a fixed % service fee or to raise the price of everything). If you get shitty service but awesome food, you can vote with your $ and leave a small tip. Conversely, if the waiter sets you up, you can pay more for that good service. Waiting tables isn't harder than my job, its actually quite a bit easier. But it is more annoying. I don't have to collect peoples uneaten food and I like it that way.

Fast food restaurants decide what the service is worth and charge you for it. McDonalds has decided what the service their employees (little to none) are going to provide and then tacked that onto the cost of a McShit Burger. I don't know if you've ever eaten at a 5 star restaurant, but it is a vastly different experience than having a plastic tray dropped onto the counter in front of you while someone says "next in line please".

I agree, I always tip even if the service isn't that great. I do it mainly because waiters get a majority of their salary from the tips, that's how I see it at least. I've never encountered a teenager serving my food, they're primarily college age I think. Eh, as long as I get my food without spit or other stuff in it I'm cool.

@Tea_bird said:

Also, this whole blog seems like a Maddox rip off, but that's not such a bad thing.

More like homage :P

So basically this dude is the angry video game nerd except he's just pissed off at life and the society we live in.....ok...I could be down for more of this.

But living in the UK a waiter seems to be vastly different over than in the states. I mean even in chain restaurants service is generally pretty good here and since the recession most bad waiters have been kicked to the curb. Being English people don't generally tip anyway because everyone makes min wage.

I have tipped when I've been eating and literally barely had to even think about needing service and theft dude is standing right at the table ready to get what ever I need with service that makes you feel like your the only table in the restaurant.

And it is a hard job cause when I was growing up I waitered for a bit and if you don't know every Fuckin detail of the menu and everything that goes into each dish some people will give you such a dressing down you'll just want to jack everything right there and then.
Some people are ASSHOLES!

Damn the waiting staff in the US must be abysmal. Jesus Christ ...