By Mario2544 3 Comments
Humans have Manhunt, bears get Naughty Bear.
I'm speechless, It's a rare occurrence that a news story like this pops up and it's hard for me to find a way to express how I feel in words. I mean I've always been an advocate to ban bears from sophisticated society but nobody will listen. They always spout off facts like Bears are extremely smart creatures and just need to be pointed in the right direction, so I bite my tongue and decided to deal with it. I stood by as the demons even had a man hunt style game made exclusively for them (Naughty Bear). But I can't stand by any longer, as my good friend courage wold once said "Truth is more important that comfort"
Bears are some evil creatures, even from the day of their birth they are trained to kill and the fact that they can now hijack cars is even worse. Luckily bears haven't evolved to the point where they can actually drive, shortly after the bear broke into the car, he put it in neutral and it rolled into a tree. In the process the bear apparently tore the interior to shreds and took a crap on the passenger seat. Normally evolution should take a long time but I'm really not sure how many bear generations we have left till they can drive if they already know how to shift gears. The worst part about this is that according to Tyler Baskfield, a spokesman for the Colorado Division of Wildlife, it's actually not unusual for bears to unlock doors to cars and houses. You read that correctly guys, It's not weird for bears to BREAK INTO CARS AND HOMES. We are slowly encroaching on a yogi bear style apocalypse.
Unfortunately there are two things in this article that truly bother me. The first is that the bear did this whole thing for a Peanut butter sandwich. I could understand doing this for a PB&J sandwich, but a Peanut Butter only sandwich. Not only are bears going to attack us and wreck our cars, they are going to make us eat bland sandwiches too! The second is that the rangers handled the situation, they kept their distance and pulled the door off with a rope, letting the bear escape into the woods. I think I speak for most people when I say the way we should have handled this is have the Y.O.G.I. (Yellowstone Operations for Grizzly Invalidation) organization come in and sedate him, followed by moving him safely to a FBI facility for questioning on the upcoming attacks. Luckily Wildlife Managers have the right idea, they kill any bears with actions similar to this ones but I fear this one incident could grow and spawn others. Beware fellow citizens, a bear could be anywhere, just waiting for you to slip up.